Hell on Earth

In the beginning of May, one of my bosses wanted to get rid of me. His claim was that my work ethnic wasn't up to par. The real reason: he doesn't like my dad and the feeling's mutual. However, three people stuck up for me, so I could still have a job. My supervisor, the salesman, and Doug Gardner. Oh yeah, dad exploding on them, probably had something to do with it too. Just like the other months, this one wasn't any different. I hung out with Kelcie a few times, but it just feels like things aren't like they were. Jon's back in the picture and I'm none too happy about that. I'm just waiting for him to scew up again. Last Wednesday, I went over to Kelcie's to hang out. Well, he was there in the kitchen. I glared at him and went into the living room. I wanted to beat the holy hell out of him for what he did to Kelcie earlier, this year. Unfortunately, if I harm him, I jeopardize my friendship with Kelcie. I got in a huge argument with Robin about it. Things have cooled down with us a little, but there's still that tension whenever we talk now. Robin's another one that's driving me nuts. She's been acting ridiculous all year. She has cancer, but doesn't wanna have it treated. She claims she's being forced to get the surgery. "I'll never find love. I'll never find happiness," she's been whining for about a month and a half now. During the argument, I finally snapped and said, "well, with that attitude, you're never gonna find it. You're not doing a damn thing to find it." She flipped out, I flipped out back. It also doesn't help that she's not a big fan of Kelcie's. She was at first, but ever since Kelcie turned me down when I asked her out, Robin's been pretty cold towards her. I'm handling the situation like this: if they call me, I'll answer and talk to them. But, I'm through calling both of them. Kelcie and I will make plans for a certain day, then I'll call her only to find out she's busy or in the middle of something. Basically, translating to "I'm arguing with Jon, can't talk right now." So, I'm not calling her anymore. She'll call me if she needs me. Also, Danny's not doing that good either. Jay accused him of cheating on her with Robin. Um...HELL NO! Those two would clash if they ever got in a relationship. As friends, they're fine. But, if they tried to take it any further, it would end in disaster. Things were so bad on Thursday, I drove to Unadilla to Mike's place. Something stands out in my mind from last Thursday. When I got to Mike's, he was standing outside his door. Almost like he was expecting me to show up. When I got out of my car, he grinned and said, "holy shit, look who it is!" I walked over to him, not returning the smile. "I'm not happy," I said weakly. He asked what was up and I told him about my argument with Robin and the stuff going on with Kelcie. Mike calmed me down and I ended up spending a lot of my weekend over there. Danny's son's birthday was Saturday. Robin and I were still rocky, so I kept my distance. I got Danny's kid an Undertaker action figure. Until he got the bike from his grandparents, it was his favorite gift. He didn't let go of it UNTIL the bike came. I'm trying to get a new job, but with Colleges letting out, all those kids are gonna be snagging them. It's been a bit rough. I have Kelcie telling me one minute that she wants to get an apartment with me, then the next minute, she changes her mind. Now, she wants to get an apartment with me again, BUT she wants me to wait until she gets a job. I have no objection to living with her, but I can't wait forever. The rest of the month has consisted of me going to graduation, birthday, or welcome home from the air force parties. Sometimes, I've gone to two parties on the same day. This season of the Ultimate Fighter is boring. Now, Tito Ortiz is hurt and won't be able to face Chuck Lidell at the end of the season. Everything seems to be going to hell. It's all one big rollercoaster ride. Everything's going at break-neck speed up, down, forwards, backwards, twists, turns, spiraling, it never ends. I should be used to it by now. Right now, my game plan is to avoid everything that's bugging me and focus on becoming better than I am. I'm also looking for a good time while I'm at it. Hell, a party doesn't sound too bad right now. The parties at Danny's were epic back in the day. Those days are gone though. But, a couple years ago, those were some of the best times of my life. Everything was going great. Then, it just all went to hell. All good things come to an end. I know I say this at the end of every entry, but I hope that next month is better than this month. Somehow, I doubt it.

Could Be Better

April wasn't exactly the greatest month. Towards the end of March, Undertaker retired Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania 26. Things at Akraturn are the same as ever. I took Kelcie out on a date. This one differed from the others that I've taken her on. For one thing, I drove and picked her up like I should've done on the others. I paid for everything like I always have just like the others. The big difference is that I asked her out. Unfortunately, there were a lot of things out of my control. Kelcie and I aren't ever gonna date. That's unfortunate, because I know that no one could ever treat her as good as I can. I hung out with her on Thursday. Also, Cody Marshal called me, last week. Him and I had words about Kelcie. He wanted to get back with her and I wasn't allowing it. He's going to leave her alone. I've been spending a lot of time with Robin. She's driving me insane. Her biggest complaint is that she's all alone. There's no boyfriend in her life, no one to love her, and she wants both of those right now. Because I care about Kelcie the way that I do, she won't date me, which is both good and bad for me. Still, she wants to just give up on everything. That's not the way things to go about things. I've been single for years. I've been led on three times. Yet, I keep searching. I'm not giving up. Kelcie was as close as I've gotten so far. It's a shame that nothing further's gonna happen between us. We're still best friends though. It won't be like what happened with me and Ashley. Danny's birthday party was last week. That's part of why I had to deal with Marshal. He was there. I had to act civil, because it was Danny's birthday party. On the plus side, Sam was there. I had to pick her up, but she was there. She's a lot of fun. I wish she were around more often. Danny's birthday party was alright, but his last two were better. Things were a lot better a couple years ago. Hell, things were better TEN years ago. Growing up in the 90's wasn't really that bad at all. Danny, Robin, and I reminisced about all the things we missed from the 90's. TV shows, video games, movies, styles, places we used to go, I'd go back and do it all over again. Things aren't 100% bad here. Hell, I'm having more fun now, than I did in the past four years. I still have goals that I want to reach. Now that this Kelcie thing isn't going any further, I'm gonna get out there and look for that certain person that's out there for me. I'll still hang out with Kelcie, but that's all I'm going to do. When I went to an ECPW show last Saturday, there was this 32 year old woman that used to go to the shows. She was at this one. She's married to one of the wrestlers, but that's not gonna last. That's what she told me. I think she was a little interested in me until she found out I was 24 years old. Still, she's freakin' hot. She'd come over to where I was sitting a few times to scream at the bad guys with me. My friends and I bought her husband's shirt that she designed. When he came out, we were full-fledged "Suicide" fans. This weekend, 2CW's coming to Binghamton again. My boys and I are going, but I still like ECPW better. Keith's now playing a bad guy role. He's loving it. Not to mention he's damn good at it. I've debated about getting into the wrestling business, but I'm still on the ropes about it. I'd rather be a writer. I should really focus more on that. Maybe next week, I'll get back to what I started to write a few months ago. Hopefully, May will be better than April. Lastly, UFC started back up. Chuck Lidell and Tito Ortiz are the coaches. So far, Team Lidell's ahead 4-1. There's still plenty of time though. I'm sure Tito will come back. When they fight after the show is over, I'm not sure who I'm gonna be rooting for. I like them both. Best of luck to both of them.

Remembering Walt Gardner

On the 14th of March, Walt passed away. I was hanging out with Danny when dad called me. The calling hours were last Friday and the funeral was on Saturday. One of Walt's grandchildren approached me at the calling hours. Her name's Vanessa, but I forget what her last name is now. She hugged me and asked softly, "How's your dad holding up?" I told her that he wasn't doing good. Walt was like a second father to my dad. Dad was so close to Walt, that at the calling hours, he was part of the line that greeted the mourners as they walked in to pay their final respects. At the funeral, they saved a seat up front for my dad. After the funeral, Shirley handed my dad the box that contained Walt's ashes. We believe she handed them to dad, because he was the only one she trusted with them. When the flag was raised back at Akraturn, dad was part of that as well. Shirley said that my dad was like her adopted son and I'm sure she knew how bad he felt that Walt was gone. I'm going to miss Walt too. He did a lot for our family. He made it to my graduation party when I graduated high school. He gave me a job one summer when I was saving up to pay for another semester at college. He did a lot of things that most bosses wouldn't do for their employees. Then again, Walt didn't see us as employees. He saw us like family. At the after-party, Vanessa went over to my dad and said, "thanks for the shrimp, Uncle John." I was a little taken back. Even Walt's grandchildren thought of us like family. Pam, Vanessa's mom, came over to visit at our table. I asked her something and she said, "you'll have to ask your Uncle Doug that one." Yeah... uh... I like Pam and David, but Doug... he's just my boss. Me calling him an Uncle would be pushing it for me. His sons are alright, but Doug... he can be a prick. I do feel sorry for him, though. It can't be easy losing your father. I know that I don't know what I'm going to do when that time comes. I felt really bad for Vanessa and Chris. I know how hard it is to lose a grandfather. That was the worst week of my life. I feel bad for the entire Gardner family. I hope their pain will eventually fade from this tragedy.

Not Getting Any Better

February wasn't really a great month. So far, March has been brutal. My favorite boss is dying. The last time I saw him, was in December. We met him at the Elk's Club for a few drinks. Walt Gardner's a great man. He's helped get us out of a few tough situations. When I needed a job in the summer, he gave me one at the machine shop. My dad's taking it extremely hard, which I knew would happen. What happened, was Walt and his wife Shirley went on vacation to Daytona, Florida. They go every year. Well, when they got there, Walt showed signs of having congestive heart failure, which is what my grandfather had and eventually took his life. He had an operation, but it didn't help as much as everyone thought it would. Then, he started to get progressively worse. We found out last week, that he has cancer. First, it was in his neck. However, last Friday we found out that it's brain cancer. I wish I could thank him for everything that he's done for us, but I know my dad won't want me to see him in the state that he's in. The only thing I can do, is pray that he doesn't suffer too much. Also, I found out over the weekend, that Kelcie's boyfriend tried to strangle her to death. Now, he's not known to show forces of violence, but Kelcie wouldn't lie or exaggerate about this. Also, I saw the marks. No one knows why he acted the way he did. He claims to not remember anything and since they had been drinking the night it happened, it could be true. Regardless of that, Kelcie has an order of protection against him and he's looking at some jailtime. I heard he's trying to committ suicide. Normally, I'd try to stop someone doing that, but after hearing the story Kelcie told me, I won't lose too much sleep if he succeeds. I'm probably gonna sound like one of those people that claims "I never really cared for this person that much," but truth be told... Jon could urk me at times. I remember when some of my friends that know Kelcie would ask me what her "new" boyfriend was like. I'd reply, "he's an alright guy, but he's not me." What that pretty-much means, is that I never really cared much for ANY of Kelcie's boyfriends. I was able to tolerate Cody until he turned into a manipulative, egotistical, spineless, cocksucker. After Cody, I really didn't care the others. Most of them I never did meet, but they didn't last long anyways. Even though Mike Sisson's my boy, I was real uneasy about him trying to get with Kelcie, because I know how he gets if a girl starts to iritate him. I wasn't about to let that happen to Kelcie. The paramedic was a douchebag. Never got to meet him... didn't really wanna meet him. This Tom guy that she brought to my birthday party was just a pretty-boy. Other than that, he had nothing. Kelcie and I have grown real close in the year and a half that we've known each other. I don't know how she'd feel if I had a girlfriend. I'm almost curious to see what her reaction would be like. Would it be one of jealousy, would she be happy for me, or would she have mixed feelings? This past weekend, Kelcie called me to see if I wanted to drive up to Cortland. I said sure, so I picked her up at her friend's place (got lost getting there), took her home to get directions and her things, then we got lost again on the way up there, but we eventually made it. We stayed in Julie's little college apartment. On the way home, Kelcie was a bit buzzed from the beer she was drinking before we left. I was driving, so I was sober. She saw this picture that Denna put up of me and Bridgette from New Year's Eve. Kelcie was a bit upset by the picture, so she was explaining how she felt. She kept saying, "I care about you, Jack. Denna and Bridgette don't care about you, but I do," and she said if I started hanging out with Bridgette, she'd have no choice but to cut me out of her life. She said that it would hurt her to do it and she didn't want to, but she would if she had to. I assured her that there was no way I would ever hang out with Bridgette. Kelcie's my number one girl. I'll choose her first over anybody. I know I've said this before, but Kelcie should've been the one that I went after back in 2008. I bet anything that if her and I were to have dated in 2008, things would be different for both of us. I'd probably have graduated from BCC and I'd probably be doing well in Cortland. She'd probably be with me in Cortland. Both of us would be happy. But, I went down a harder path. Poor Kelcie hasn't really done anything to anybody, but all of these people have gone out of their way to make her life miserable. I don't agree with that. After seeing what this girl has gone through in this year and a half that I've known her, I only have one thing to say. For the next person that tries to make life difficult for her, they're gonna have to go through me. That goes for anybody and everybody. If you mess with her, you mess with me. If you mess with me, you mess with an army of people that have my back at all times. So, the next person that targets her, will have to get past me and that ain't happening.

The Good Times Now And The Good Times Then.

This month's had it's ups and downs. The places that I owe money to, have been hounding me almost every day. I had to pay $779.58 on the brakes and brake lines to my car. The weather hasn't been that great, so I only got to drive it twice. Last weekend, I went to the 2CW show. Cory, his girlfriend, and Ryan went with me. That was a blast. Ryan and I were screaming at all the bad guys. One of them spit his gum out at me. I started chanting ECPW when the promoter (also a wrestler) came out. He acknowledged me, so hopefully there's a full house on March 12th when they come back. Still, there really are some dumbass fans in Binghamton. Two guys threw their beer at two different wrestlers. Honestly, how stupid or drunk were these guys? When I was cursing out the wrestler that spit out his gum at me, the guy that makes sure the fans don't get hurt, said to us, "I know you guys won't jump the barricade." That's because we know it's just a damn show. If I were to have seen that wrestler after the show, I'd have shook his hand and thanked him for entertaining me. Then, on that Sunday, Kelcie called me. She asked if I wanted to hang out and go to the mall. So, I got ready and drove over to get her. I still need to get used to driving. I was too damn nervous. I calmed down after a while and I did alright. Kelcie and I were supposed to go to this bar on Friday, but we got a huge snow storm that lasted two days. So, I didn't go. A couple weeks ago, my dad, Mike Mcgreal who works with us, and I went to this bar called the Hitchin' Post. That's where the luncheon was held after my grandfather's funeral. It was a fun time, but at one point, Mike went to talk to someone. This short dude pushed him out the door and wanted to fight him. Mom and I saw what was going on. She told my dad to get out there and stop it. I followed him out. As soon as we got out there, everyone backed off. We went back inside and enjoyed the rest of the night. At one point, an old neighbor of ours came. Her husband used to work at Akraturn for a few months back when it was in Kirkwood. That was back in 2007. She talked to my mom and dad at one side of the bar. I was just hanging out with my cousins and Mike on the other end. Mike asked me "who's the blonde talking with your mom?" I looked over. "Noooo! That can't be her!" I said out loud. I haven't seen her, since her and her husband moved out of Harpursville. I didn't think it was her, so I went back to talking with Mike. Well, she came over to where I was and gave me a huge hug. We talked for a little bit, then I introduced her to Mike. They say hello, then she says in front of him and my mom, "if I weren't married, this would be my guy." referring to me. That was an ego-booster. Things at Akraturn continue to get progressively worse. Now, my dad's on mandatory overtime. I'm not on it, because I'm in the assembly department. I saw that BCC Maintenance has a full-time spot open. I'm definitely putting my resume in for that. I need to get the hell out of there. This week, Kara's been putting up pictures from 2008 of all of us. Those days are long gone, but I think I know what she's getting at. She misses the old gang. I hang out with several circles of friends. In that particular circle, it was Abby, Kara, Robin, Johnny, me, a couple others. Now, Kara and Abby don't talk to Robin. Johnny broke up with Robin and apparently likes men now. I'm still around, but I'm just sort of doing my own thing. Even Da Boys and I don't hang out like we used to. Mike Sisson, Dan and Chris Reynolds, Dilly, Steve Clark, and me. We used to be a band of brothers. Then, Bridgette Taylor entered the picture and now I hardly see them. Sisson disappeared for a little bit, came back, and now he's just sort of idle. Then, there was Cody Marshal, Danny, and all them. It's no secret about what happened there. It's down to just Danny and me. Cody pissed a lot of people off including me and he only hangs out with a select few people. Although, I belonged to all of those circles, (not so much Cody's anymore), I'm sort of just sticking with my own circle. It's just me, Danny, and Kelcie. That seems to be my crew, now. Then, there was my Owego crew. Seth and his family. I don't miss Seth as much as I miss Aaron, Marcy, and all them. Seth just never progressed like he should have. I don't miss Cody at all. Denna told me that he misses all of us, though. Well, too damn bad. He made his choice when he did all that crap to Kelcie. As for Abby, Kara, and all them, I wish things were still good between everybody. It'd make things a lot easier on me. Talking to Robin anymore is just depressing. Kelcie's finally happy. She finally moved on. It's good to see her smile and know that it's for real. It's not just a fake one that she threw on, because she was thinking of that asshole. I'm starting to evolve like I should've years ago. I still want more and I still want better. I'll get to where I wanna be. I'm predicting within a year, I'll be totally happy with everything. I'm almost there. I just gotta keep doing what I'm doing and I'll be alright.

My Favorite Girl

I've been pretty busy these past few months. Christmas didn't really feel like Christmas, New Year's was alright. I saw both Seth and Cody on New Year's Eve. I couldn't hit either of them, because it was Seth's birthday and there were police everywhere. I forget where Kelcie was, but I should've gone and hung out with her. Instead, I hung out with Denna and her boyfriend from California. Yeah... another long distance relationship that she's in. Apparently, she didn't learn her lesson the first time. Oh well, it doesn't really matter. I also hung out with Danny on New Year's Eve. I still hate my job. In fact, after this week, I'm looking to find a new job. I will have worked there for three months. Although, the pay is good and everything, I need to get out of there. I've been drinking a lot since working there. Two weeks ago, dad and I stopped at a bar almost every night of the week. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, we were drinking. There was one Friday night that we stopped at this bar in Johnson City and a bunch of people from work were there. That was a fun time. There's someone that works at Akraturn that knows Kelcie very well. She told me that her and her parents have had conversations about me that were all about good things. Speaking of Kelcie, she's now 21 years old and she calls me weekly. Wednesday, her, Julie, and a guy that I work with, went to Thirsty's. After that, we met my dad at the bowling alley. Kelcie's dating one of my friends from a few years back. He's not a bad guy, but he's not me. Well, she was flirting with me at the bowling alley. When I walked her and Julie out to her car, she gave me a kiss that I normally wouldn't get. Friday, her, her boyfriend, Julie, her sister, and me went out to dinner. Most of us were dressed up. Julie's sister wasn't. During dinner, her boyfriend went up to the bar to talk to someone. Kelcie leaned over and gave me a peck on the cheek. Wednesday and Friday night, she told me several times that she loves me. Kelcie has a special place in her heart for me that I didn't even know was there. Kelcie said that I saved her life over the summer. Her boyfriend said that I was in almost every story that she ever told him. She said that I was her best friend. Out of everyone that went out to dinner on Friday, the only one that she really cared about having a good time was me. I had no idea that I meant that much to her. Saturday, Robin and I delivered her wedding dress to her. Long story about that one. Anyway, Robin noticed that Kelcie looked at me differently than she did her boyfriend or anyone else. Kelcie has this wink that she only does with me. Robin said she felt that Kelcie and I have this connection that no one else has. Unfortunately, Kelcie's not single anymore. I have everyone and their brother telling me that doesn't matter. I'm not so sure about that. Kelcie means the world to me and I'd love to be the one to make her happy, but if there's someone else that's making her happy, then it would be selfish of me to interfere in that. After that Wednesday that I hung out with her, I felt like a million bucks on Thursday. I was working at a place that I hate with a passion, but I knew I'd see her on Friday, so it didn't matter. Robin said that's how I should know there's a connection. It doesn't matter what kind of day either of us have. Just hanging out together, makes any bad day into a good one. Kelcie had a rough summer or so she thought. It wasn't until she stopped and looked back on it, that she realized that her summer actually wasn't all that bad, because her and I did so many things together. I probably should have been doing more active things over the summer like get a job, pay the bills I have, look for my own place. Instead, I was making sure I was always available if she needed me. I was always there. The price that I paid was that my dad was always on my case. Him and I had a few arguments over the summer. Kelcie appreciates that. I'm her hero. I remember growing up that's what I wanted to be. Of course the image changed from when I was a kid, but I still wanted to be a hero in some way. As rough as Kelcie's summer was, it was also not that great for me as well. I had my father on my case and I felt like a loser. Hell, I was a loser. Kelcie didn't think so. We'd help get rid of each other's misery. When I was hanging out with her, I didn't feel like a loser. Well... that one date that she had to drive to the restaraunt, I did feel like a loser then. But, other than that, I didn't feel like a loser. I felt like I was needed. I was always the first person she'd call if she needed someone to talk to. If I didn't answer my cell phone, she'd call my friends to see where I was. I'd do anything it took to get her to smile. She told me that she appreciated everything that I've done for her. When we were at this bar on Friday, I let her buy me a drink. I usually don't let girls do that, but I let her. She can get away with things like that. Then again, I'm sure there are things she lets me do that she won't let anyone else. I'm gonna see if she wants to watch a movie with Danny and me on Friday. I'll probably call her to see if she wants to chill with me at the bowling alley on Wednesday too. Although, she may be taken by someone, she's still my best friend. She already said that we'd still be hanging out. That's all I can really ask for, really.