Some Point Guns, Others Point Fingers. Neither Is Right.

Why the hell is it that people decide to do something tragic on Fridays? If it's not on a Friday, they do it on Tuesday. I just don't understand it. 9/11 happened on a Tuesday. The Colorado Shooting happened on a Friday. This past Friday, Doug Gardner drove to Shirley Gardner's home and shot himself twice in her garage. He owed her a lot of money for Akraturn even though Akraturn is no more. He owed others a ton of money as well. He blamed Shirley for his financial troubles. After his father, Walt had passed away, his relationship with his step-mother took a nose-dive. The agreement between Doug and Walt were that if Walt should die before Doug paid off Akraturn, the payments would be made to Shirley. Well, Doug never paid her. Not only did he not pay her, but he didn't show her any respect at all. So, Shirley went after him with a lawyer. Doug had several failed businesses before he pulled the trigger to that gun on Friday. He tried owning and running a bar three times. All three were failures. He tried owning and running a few machine shops. Most of them went out of business. I hear that his latest one is on the verge of seeing the same fate. When it came to running a business, Doug was no Walt Gardner. The apple fell far from the tree. Walt was a successful businessman. Unfortunately, Doug never got that rub from his old man. Walt was tough, but fair. Doug was just an overbearing prick. When Doug, Dave, and Pam were old enough to become part of the business, Walt treated them like employees. If they screwed up, he'd chew them out just like he would any of his employees. But, he would do so in a professional manner. Doug would call his employees derogatory names and threaten their jobs if they made mistakes. He never did that with me, but that's because he's known me since I was eight and he didn't want my dad jumping on his ass. Not only that, but I never gave Doug a reason to have to get on me. Doug liked making the money, but he wasn't too big on spending it on the things that were necessary to keep the money flowing. Almost like having eyes bigger than your stomach when ordering from a menu at a restaurant. I didn't have any animosity towards Doug. I don't have any now, but I do think it was a low move on how he chose to end his life. Despite all of this information that I've shared, I don't have anything against the guy. Hell, he gave me job back in 2009 when I desperately needed one. He stuck up for me when his partner wanted to let me go. I did the best job I could to make sure that Doug never regretted his decision to keep me on his payroll. The last time I saw Doug alive, was back sometime last year. I went to the bowling alley that my dad was in to kill time before I had to work. Doug was sitting at his table. Doug greeted me with a smile and a handshake. "You want a drink? Your old man's buying!" he said. I said that I was working later. He asked how it was going over at Willow Run. I assured him that everything was going alright over there. He talked to my dad for a little bit, then headed out. Before he left I shook his head and said it was good seeing him. "You too, buddy!" he replied smiling. The Gardeners have always treated us like we were part of their family. Walt was like a second father to my dad, which made Doug seem like another brother. Dad didn't seem too broken up when he called me to tell me that Doug had shot himself. Mom was the first to tell me, then dad called me later on in the evening. Does this mean that dad's not affected by Doug's death? No, I'm sure dad was broken up about it. He did take Walt's death harder, but that was Walt. Dad also has this absolute hatred for suicide. My grandfather shot himself in the heart when I was nine. Again, it was over money. He had lost his job and felt that he was a failure. So, he went down to the apple tree on his property and shot himself. Dad told me that suicide was a final solution to a temporary problem. I agree with him on that. On top of all this. I got a phone call from an old co-worker. He was letting me know that Doug's wife's family blame my father for Doug's suicide. Their claim is that my dad left Doug high and dry when he took the job in Marathon at another machine shop. They say that my dad let Doug down. Doug did want my dad to come work for him again, but Doug never offered my dad a job. If he did, I'm sure that dad would have said no. My dad didn't approve of the way Doug ran a business. He did care about Doug, but he didn't like the way Doug handled certain things. Hell, everyone's like that in one way or another. I saw a comment left by someone on that side of the family that said, "js will pay for his ways". Exactly what is that supposed to mean? First of all, instead of being a coward and hiding behind a freakin' keyboard, why the hell doesn't this person just put "John Sullivan will pay for his ways?" Probably, because they're too much of a chicken shit to do so. I would love to respond to the comment, but I know that both my parents would disapprove of that. So, I'm not responding just yet. These scumbags can point a finger and blame my dad, blame Shirley, and whoever else they want that think had something to do with Doug's death. But, nobody is at fault. They'll just look like the ignorant cowards that they are. The only man to blame, is the man that pulled the trigger. Because of this tension, I will not be going to the calling hours or the funeral. I don't think my parents are either. Well, I know mom's not going. I don't know about dad. He could care less what these dipshits think of him, so he might go. I do know that Doug's wife and one of Doug's sons DO NOT blame dad for what happened. I'm sure his other sons don't hold a grudge against him either, but I haven't heard any solid proof on that. For the people that Doug left behind, I send my condolences and grieve for their loss. I hope they'll find peace somewhere in the near future.

I'll Never Forget Again

Last weekend was a blast. Swartz and I hit up Jersey Saturday and Sunday. Saturday, we got pretty hammered. A little too hammered. Swartz ended up puking and I had a hangover the next morning. I thought that I'd get to meet more wrestlers than I did at the Fan Axxess event. Unfortunately, I only met four of them. Still, it was a lot of fun. At Wrestlemania, I was indeed up in the nosebleed section, but at least I was there. I even got a t-shirt that said I was. It was a lot better than last year's Wrestlemania, but I liked last year's too. The best part of the evening... seeing The Undertaker beat CM Punk. He's 21-0 and I couldn't be happier with that. That win helped me get out of my rut that I've been in. John Cena beat The Rock for the WWE Championship in the main event. I'll hand it to The Rock, he gave Cena the respect he deserved. Also, I got a position on 1st shift at Willow Run Foods doing pretty-much what I do now. However, one of the scumbags on 3rd shift tried to throw a wrench in that. This 19 year old retard has a hard enough time trying to make it on our shift let alone one on 1st. The boss has done his best to keep us away from each other. One day, his mouth will get his ass beat. It'll probably happen sooner than later. So, all is right in the world. Well, at least for now. I hung out with Helen and her sister, Judy yesterday. Her husband showed up later on and ended up hanging with me as the girls got their hair done. I'm glad I'm a guy. It takes maybe a half hour to cut my hair. For them, it took about three hours. Before we picked up Judy, I finally told Helen everything I've wanted. Well, at least the important stuff. There's a couple things that didn't hit me until later. I honestly don't know what it was about Helen that made me crazy about her when I first met her, but I know what kept me thinking about her. I just read all of our conversations on Facebook. There were things she said that I had totally forgotten about until I re-read them. Things like how she would playfully call me a pretty-boy. There was a really long conversation we had on there once, where I'd get notifications that said "Helen likes your photo." As we were talking, she was checking out my pictures and liking the ones that she thought I looked good in. During one of our conversations, she said I was a handsome pretty-boy with a mix of street fighter and a little bit of country. She playfully said that it was hard to resist. The reason I gave up and ended up dating Tina, was because I forgot about all of this. Still, I'll never forget the way she looked at me when I picked her and her son up to take them over to Judy's. I was supposed to take them to the ER, so her son could have his eye looked at, but she asked to stop at Judy's real quick. The entire time, she didn't take her eyes off me. She was smiling this smile... kind of like admiration and thankfulness. To this day, I think she was starting to become attracted to me. I think it scared her a bit. I can't blame her for that. Her husband screwed her up pretty good. Yesterday, she said that I'm one of her close friends and that was a huge accomplishment. She said that not too many people have been able to get close to her like I have. I bet it all goes back to that afternoon that I came and got her and her son. Even though we're just friends, she still looks at me a certain way that she doesn't to anyone else including her husband. There was another time that I had to take her to a drug test, so she could be employed at a job she applied to. Her son was with us. When we had to cross the street, she said "hand, Jay." Instead of taking her hand, he grabbed hold of mine. She joked about being sad that he didn't grab her hand, but she was smiling at me. She's told me that her son doesn't like too many guys that are around her, but for some reason, he liked me. I don't understand how I could've forgotten about all this, but I'm not going to dwell on it. Helen and I have a friendship that's unique for the two of us and that's better than nothing. I don't think her husband knows how fortunate he is. That girl's incredible and I have a suspicion that he doesn't even realize it. I look at him and I try to figure out how the hell he got so lucky. Maybe it's not meant to be understood. This past weekend got me back to being how I was. I'm not about to let that fade by thinking of what could've been. Now that my smile's back, I'm picking up where I left off. Starting with getting back to 1st shift.