Ages 18 And Up

it feels great to have a normal life again. As much as I liked working on 3rd shift, I'm happier that I'm on days again. Everyone's attitude is much better on 1st shift. Today, I was helping a couple of them unload some trailers when one of them said, "I can tell you like this shift better." I smiled and nodded before asking what gave it away. His answer was, "Because you fit in." That wasn't really too hard. I was so used to 3rd shift that random comments were just another day in the office. Everyone's been real cool. Joe Canfield's a good boss, but our boss, Dave Z is great. My first day on his shift, he called everyone in the office and told them to make sure I was comfortable on the shift. Unlike the guys on 3rd shift, they actually went out of their way to get to know me a bit. On top of that, they asked how I was liking my job, if I needed any help, etc. They've been real awesome. I can't complain too much. What I CAN complain about, is the fact that everyone's giving me too much credit for my kindness and good nature. I hate to inform them of this, but... I'm quite shallow. After some of the girls I've dated, it's no surprise. Now, Helen tried hooking me up with her 18 year old cousin. First of all, I don't date 18 year olds. Helen's not good at the whole match-making thing to begin with. She gave her cousin an age and me a time. That was it. It wasn't until AFTER I was supposed to meet her, that I got a name. I looked her up on Facebook. I failed to remember that a person's Facebook profile picture can lie. On her profile picture, she doesn't look 18 and she doesn't look chubby. So, I thought she was this tiny, adorable, blonde haired girl. Man, was I wrong. I took a look at some of her pictures the day before we were supposed to meet. She's a bit on the chubby side and she's plain looking. She's not my type. I still hung out with her though, but there was no spark. There was a spark with Helen. I don't know if she felt the same, but I definitely saw a spark. I was talking to one of my lady friends from BCC about this and she said that one of her co-workers is looking for a relationship and needs a date to her wedding. So, I looked HER up on Facebook and pretty-much fits the same description of Helen's cousin. She's very big and very plain looking. So, I'm looking very hard for a way to get out of it. So far, I'm going to try to get one of my lady friends to act like my "temporary girlfriend" for the wedding. This is one of the few times where being Kelcie's friend again would come as some use to me. Well, it'd sure as hell make things easier for me. If there's any need for even more proof why I'm so shallow and picky, I have the perfect story. One of my indy wrestler buddies is dating an 18 year old. He's somewhere around 38 years old. In my opinion, that's just dirty. So far, he's accusing other guys at trying to get with her. I think all they did was talk to her. It gets better than that. Keith Zimmer's best friend apparently tried to get with this girl. On top of that, there's a rumor going around that he's trying to hook up with a 14 year old as well. That would make him a pedophile. I'm not sure how true this rumor is, but I've heard if from more than one person. I can't remember if I ever mentioned Jeff Greeno a.k.a Anarchy on here before or not, but he does have a thing for stealing other people's girls. It almost got him in trouble a few years ago. Him and IB Green's wife were having an affair. Apparently, he thought that she would actually divorce her husband to be with him. There were a couple problems with that. For one thing, her daughter despised him. That alone was enough for the relationship to never work out. Eventually, everyone caught wind of that and Jeff went on an 8 month haitus from the indy scene. Apparently, when he returned, he tried stealing some of the students' girls and that has all recently bubbled to the surface. It reminds me of the situation between Denna and myself back in 2008. I was in the wrong. I know this now. I also know that I was naive to ever believe that her and I would ever get together back then. I was young and stupid back then. There was an indy show, last Friday. That was a lot of fun. One of the bad guy managers dumped his bottle of water on me. He knows me well, so he knew he could get away with it. Since I go to all the local shows around here, all the guys know me. Back in August 2011, there was an after-party of the show in Sidney. Everyone was invited. Wrestlers, fans, refs, workers, everyone. I was talking with the guys that were there hanging out. I was driving, so I was drinking coke. One of the wives came over and hugged me. "These guys love you. You make it fun for them," she said. It is true. I've even have other fans approach me and say that they enjoy watching me go nuts in the front row. After the show on Friday, I'm still drenched from the water, but I went up to the bad guy manager's wife and said, "I think your husband missed me." She laughed, hugged me, and said, "You were great! They all think the world of you!" I thanked her and said that I was glad it wasn't a Heinekin like last time. Someone took a picture of it. It came out pretty good. The manager came out and gave me a hug. We talked a bit, then I wished him a safe trip home. Those guys are class acts. They make sure everyone has a good time at their shows. It's just a shame that the next one of THEIR shows is in August. I always get a confidence boost after their shows. I think it's the atmosphere. I like ECPW's shows too as well as 2CW's shows. But, the feeling I get from Xcite shows is hard to explain. I'll be there in August. I'm really looking forward to it. It's always a pleasure.

Some Point Guns, Others Point Fingers. Neither Is Right.

Why the hell is it that people decide to do something tragic on Fridays? If it's not on a Friday, they do it on Tuesday. I just don't understand it. 9/11 happened on a Tuesday. The Colorado Shooting happened on a Friday. This past Friday, Doug Gardner drove to Shirley Gardner's home and shot himself twice in her garage. He owed her a lot of money for Akraturn even though Akraturn is no more. He owed others a ton of money as well. He blamed Shirley for his financial troubles. After his father, Walt had passed away, his relationship with his step-mother took a nose-dive. The agreement between Doug and Walt were that if Walt should die before Doug paid off Akraturn, the payments would be made to Shirley. Well, Doug never paid her. Not only did he not pay her, but he didn't show her any respect at all. So, Shirley went after him with a lawyer. Doug had several failed businesses before he pulled the trigger to that gun on Friday. He tried owning and running a bar three times. All three were failures. He tried owning and running a few machine shops. Most of them went out of business. I hear that his latest one is on the verge of seeing the same fate. When it came to running a business, Doug was no Walt Gardner. The apple fell far from the tree. Walt was a successful businessman. Unfortunately, Doug never got that rub from his old man. Walt was tough, but fair. Doug was just an overbearing prick. When Doug, Dave, and Pam were old enough to become part of the business, Walt treated them like employees. If they screwed up, he'd chew them out just like he would any of his employees. But, he would do so in a professional manner. Doug would call his employees derogatory names and threaten their jobs if they made mistakes. He never did that with me, but that's because he's known me since I was eight and he didn't want my dad jumping on his ass. Not only that, but I never gave Doug a reason to have to get on me. Doug liked making the money, but he wasn't too big on spending it on the things that were necessary to keep the money flowing. Almost like having eyes bigger than your stomach when ordering from a menu at a restaurant. I didn't have any animosity towards Doug. I don't have any now, but I do think it was a low move on how he chose to end his life. Despite all of this information that I've shared, I don't have anything against the guy. Hell, he gave me job back in 2009 when I desperately needed one. He stuck up for me when his partner wanted to let me go. I did the best job I could to make sure that Doug never regretted his decision to keep me on his payroll. The last time I saw Doug alive, was back sometime last year. I went to the bowling alley that my dad was in to kill time before I had to work. Doug was sitting at his table. Doug greeted me with a smile and a handshake. "You want a drink? Your old man's buying!" he said. I said that I was working later. He asked how it was going over at Willow Run. I assured him that everything was going alright over there. He talked to my dad for a little bit, then headed out. Before he left I shook his head and said it was good seeing him. "You too, buddy!" he replied smiling. The Gardeners have always treated us like we were part of their family. Walt was like a second father to my dad, which made Doug seem like another brother. Dad didn't seem too broken up when he called me to tell me that Doug had shot himself. Mom was the first to tell me, then dad called me later on in the evening. Does this mean that dad's not affected by Doug's death? No, I'm sure dad was broken up about it. He did take Walt's death harder, but that was Walt. Dad also has this absolute hatred for suicide. My grandfather shot himself in the heart when I was nine. Again, it was over money. He had lost his job and felt that he was a failure. So, he went down to the apple tree on his property and shot himself. Dad told me that suicide was a final solution to a temporary problem. I agree with him on that. On top of all this. I got a phone call from an old co-worker. He was letting me know that Doug's wife's family blame my father for Doug's suicide. Their claim is that my dad left Doug high and dry when he took the job in Marathon at another machine shop. They say that my dad let Doug down. Doug did want my dad to come work for him again, but Doug never offered my dad a job. If he did, I'm sure that dad would have said no. My dad didn't approve of the way Doug ran a business. He did care about Doug, but he didn't like the way Doug handled certain things. Hell, everyone's like that in one way or another. I saw a comment left by someone on that side of the family that said, "js will pay for his ways". Exactly what is that supposed to mean? First of all, instead of being a coward and hiding behind a freakin' keyboard, why the hell doesn't this person just put "John Sullivan will pay for his ways?" Probably, because they're too much of a chicken shit to do so. I would love to respond to the comment, but I know that both my parents would disapprove of that. So, I'm not responding just yet. These scumbags can point a finger and blame my dad, blame Shirley, and whoever else they want that think had something to do with Doug's death. But, nobody is at fault. They'll just look like the ignorant cowards that they are. The only man to blame, is the man that pulled the trigger. Because of this tension, I will not be going to the calling hours or the funeral. I don't think my parents are either. Well, I know mom's not going. I don't know about dad. He could care less what these dipshits think of him, so he might go. I do know that Doug's wife and one of Doug's sons DO NOT blame dad for what happened. I'm sure his other sons don't hold a grudge against him either, but I haven't heard any solid proof on that. For the people that Doug left behind, I send my condolences and grieve for their loss. I hope they'll find peace somewhere in the near future.

I'll Never Forget Again

Last weekend was a blast. Swartz and I hit up Jersey Saturday and Sunday. Saturday, we got pretty hammered. A little too hammered. Swartz ended up puking and I had a hangover the next morning. I thought that I'd get to meet more wrestlers than I did at the Fan Axxess event. Unfortunately, I only met four of them. Still, it was a lot of fun. At Wrestlemania, I was indeed up in the nosebleed section, but at least I was there. I even got a t-shirt that said I was. It was a lot better than last year's Wrestlemania, but I liked last year's too. The best part of the evening... seeing The Undertaker beat CM Punk. He's 21-0 and I couldn't be happier with that. That win helped me get out of my rut that I've been in. John Cena beat The Rock for the WWE Championship in the main event. I'll hand it to The Rock, he gave Cena the respect he deserved. Also, I got a position on 1st shift at Willow Run Foods doing pretty-much what I do now. However, one of the scumbags on 3rd shift tried to throw a wrench in that. This 19 year old retard has a hard enough time trying to make it on our shift let alone one on 1st. The boss has done his best to keep us away from each other. One day, his mouth will get his ass beat. It'll probably happen sooner than later. So, all is right in the world. Well, at least for now. I hung out with Helen and her sister, Judy yesterday. Her husband showed up later on and ended up hanging with me as the girls got their hair done. I'm glad I'm a guy. It takes maybe a half hour to cut my hair. For them, it took about three hours. Before we picked up Judy, I finally told Helen everything I've wanted. Well, at least the important stuff. There's a couple things that didn't hit me until later. I honestly don't know what it was about Helen that made me crazy about her when I first met her, but I know what kept me thinking about her. I just read all of our conversations on Facebook. There were things she said that I had totally forgotten about until I re-read them. Things like how she would playfully call me a pretty-boy. There was a really long conversation we had on there once, where I'd get notifications that said "Helen likes your photo." As we were talking, she was checking out my pictures and liking the ones that she thought I looked good in. During one of our conversations, she said I was a handsome pretty-boy with a mix of street fighter and a little bit of country. She playfully said that it was hard to resist. The reason I gave up and ended up dating Tina, was because I forgot about all of this. Still, I'll never forget the way she looked at me when I picked her and her son up to take them over to Judy's. I was supposed to take them to the ER, so her son could have his eye looked at, but she asked to stop at Judy's real quick. The entire time, she didn't take her eyes off me. She was smiling this smile... kind of like admiration and thankfulness. To this day, I think she was starting to become attracted to me. I think it scared her a bit. I can't blame her for that. Her husband screwed her up pretty good. Yesterday, she said that I'm one of her close friends and that was a huge accomplishment. She said that not too many people have been able to get close to her like I have. I bet it all goes back to that afternoon that I came and got her and her son. Even though we're just friends, she still looks at me a certain way that she doesn't to anyone else including her husband. There was another time that I had to take her to a drug test, so she could be employed at a job she applied to. Her son was with us. When we had to cross the street, she said "hand, Jay." Instead of taking her hand, he grabbed hold of mine. She joked about being sad that he didn't grab her hand, but she was smiling at me. She's told me that her son doesn't like too many guys that are around her, but for some reason, he liked me. I don't understand how I could've forgotten about all this, but I'm not going to dwell on it. Helen and I have a friendship that's unique for the two of us and that's better than nothing. I don't think her husband knows how fortunate he is. That girl's incredible and I have a suspicion that he doesn't even realize it. I look at him and I try to figure out how the hell he got so lucky. Maybe it's not meant to be understood. This past weekend got me back to being how I was. I'm not about to let that fade by thinking of what could've been. Now that my smile's back, I'm picking up where I left off. Starting with getting back to 1st shift.

Looking For The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

I'm trying to keep this damn thing updated. I ended up going to a dealership with my parents on Saturday. Although my credit sucks, they worked with me on a lease for a 2013 Ford Focus. This helped me deal with the demise of the Suzuki. Monday, I went to see Helen. Her husband was there, which I figured he'd be since it was around 5:00 in the afternoon. Normally, when I see a girl I like with another guy, I usually wanna throw up. There's that twinge of pain that hits right in the middle of my heart. It was kind of scary on Monday... none of that happened when I saw them kiss. No twinge of jealousy, not heartache, nothing. I'm not sure if I have just learned to accept disappointment or if I'm just numb from all of the times I've been rejected. I'll never understand how dirtbags get these amazing women and manage to keep a hold of them. Sometimes, the girl comes to her senses and leaves, but the dirtbag gets them right back with them. I don't know how they do it. I'm almost starting to think I'm not trying hard enough. Regardless, any possibility of letting Helen know how much she means to me is out the window. The rest of the week went by without too many problems. For the most part, it was quiet. My trip to WrestleMania just got a bit more challenging. The U.S Department of Education has taken my tax return. That's $1300 that I was going to use to get caught up with everyone else that I owe money to. Here's the kicker. I have a payment plan with them. There's no reason for them to take my tax return money. I already tried calling them and was directed to a number that was "not available" at the time. I plan on trying again on Monday. If they refuse to return a good chunk of my tax return to me, I'll just close my account and choose a new bank. Illegal? Most likely, but I refuse to stay broke until I pay them the $13,000 I somehow owe them. Thanks to my mother and my grandmother, I'll still be going on my trip, this weekend. Hopefully, it'll snap me out of this slum I'm in. I'm starting to become more confident that The Undertaker will win. Someone at work threw out a few facts. He basically said why would he go 20-0 just to lose to someone like CM Punk. I agree it makes no sense. Also, I've been thinking that I should really get back into writing. More like starting to write is more like it. I have three passions. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, wrestling, and writing. Writing's been my passion since I was a kid. But, I always get writer's block and never put any of my good ideas on paper. I did a lot of little "stories" when I was a kid, but as I got older, I started doing less and less. I'm starting to question if writing really is my passion. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm my own critic and will accept nothing but the best. If something doesn't look right, I just stop and do it all over again. Sometimes, my mind races faster than I can put it down. I go too much into detail and explaining the scene. That's a huge mistake. I should just give enough information that's needed and let the reader use their imagination. That's why I wanted to be a writer in the first place. Another problem is that I have so many ideas, I don't know which one I want to focus on first. I may wanna go back to doing a few short stories to warm up. Then, work on an actual novel. I just know that I don't wanna self-publish. They'll never sell that way. That's what Robin did. Then again, she self-published and only told her friends and family. She expected us to spread the word. I did to an extent, but it takes more than just that. "I just want my books to take off," she'd say over and over again whenever we hung out. Well, then you gotta put the work in. You can't just sit there and expect to become a New York Times Best Selling Author overnight and then get pissed off when that doesn't happen. In order for me to realize my dream, I must first sit down and write until it's done. Then, I need to find an agent, possibly an editor as well. The agent does the advertising for me and even finds me a publisher. At that point, it's up to the public. Sure, I'll spread the word myself, but at the end of the day, the agent and publisher get the product out to the public. It's not easy. It takes a lot of dedication. I know that I have it. Now, I just gotta act on it. Maybe after my little vacation, I'll get back in it. Everybody talks about living the American dream, but not too many act on it.

Dark Days Have Arrived

I remember when I used to update this thing weekly. It's crazy to see how much I've changed. I've evolved into something even greater than what I was back then. So, how come I don't feel that incredible? 2012 was an awesome year for me. There were a few times that sucked, but those happen. Although, Helen and I never got together, we have a special connection that allows us to be friends. Still, I wish things had worked out differently. She's amazing. When I was taking her to her GED classes, her sister woke me up at noon to go get her. I was extremely tired, but I went to pick her up. When I arrived, she saw how exhausted I was and told me she would walk to her sister's. It was a five minute walk, so I said ok and left. I would always look the door in the bedroom that her sister let me sleep in, so the kids wouldn't be opening it and waking me up. I almost drift off, when I hear someone trying to open the door. I knew I locked it, so I pay no attention. That is... until the door opens and there's Helen with a butter knife. She jimmied the lock to check on me. That's when I knew that she legitimately cared for me. She leaned down, we hugged and gave each other a peck on the cheek, then she shut the door. When I was with her, I discovered things about me that I never knew. She has two kids and although I wasn't really a father figure with them, her son took to me almost immediately. Not sure why, but seeing how I'm a big kid myself, that could be it. Helen had a particular look that she'd give me when I was around. Somewhere around the lines of admiration and graciousness. Personally, I think she was scared about getting into a relationship after her marriage with her husband ended up being a complete disaster. She didn't want me to be alone, so her and her brother-in-law, Derrick who I worked with, had me meet her other sister, Tina. Tina had four kids that were all out of control except for the infant, and wasn't exactly the cleanest or brightest girl. But, when you're desperate, you'll lie and overlook just about everything. Which is exactly what I did. I overlooked how disgusting her parents house was, how out of control the kids were, how terrible human beings her parents are, and how incredibly dirty and stupid she was. Why did I waste three months of my time with this girl? Because Helen would occasionally come over there and tell me how proud she was that I was stepping up for her sister and the kids. Eventually, I had enough and just straight-up dumped her. Helen and I were still cool, which is all that mattered to me anyways. I'd sometimes take her to college in Scranton. As honorable as that may seem, it was also pretty stupid too. My car was six months past it's inspection and was slowly falling apart. I remember Helen waiting for her class to start in my Buick and we saw a parking meter cop. She mentioned that they can also arrest someone breaking the law. I said, "well that makes me all fuzzy inside seeing how my car's six months past it's inspection." She slowly turned to me with this expression that said, "are you nuts?" However, her next words caught me off guard. She said, "You did all this for me?" It's no secret that I like her a lot. About as much as I liked Denna or Kelcie. She ended up putting college on hold and got a job close to her place. I finished the year off and my Buick finally kicked the bucket. Hitting the deer and having a brake line break on me didn't really help that much either. My dad worked out a deal with me and sold me mom's 2008 Suzuki XL7 for $9,000. About a week after getting the vehicle, I went out to hang with Mike Sisson and Kelcie along with our friend from work, Greg Swartz. I saw Kelcie talking to this girl in the corner of the bar we were at. I walked over to see how Kelcie was getting home. She introduced me to the girl and we got to talking. Instead of taking Kelcie home, I ended up taking this girl home instead. One thing led to another and we were making out in my bedroom the next night. I had a girlfriend that I thought wasn't a complete psycho. Still, the similarities between her and Helen are scary. The hair color, facial structure, the way they talk, even their toes look similar. Her name's Colleen McGrory and like Helen, she's close to her sister, has a boy and a girl, just like Helen does. Some of the guys I work with thought that this girl was just a substitute, because I couldn't get with Helen. No, that's not the case. It's just a weird coincidence. Unfortunately, my relationship with Colleen only lasted three weeks and I was sick for one of them. She was sick for one of them, so there was no huge attachment. However, the disappointment I felt was huge. I might of recovered and still be friends with her if it weren't for one huge factor. A few weeks went by after I was sick, but I never made a recovery and most of the symptoms stayed with me. A blood test confirmed that I had Mono, the kissing disease. Not only did this girl play games, but she gave me a viral illness that never truly goes away. What's worse is that she hangs out with Swartz every week. If he gets hurt and she's the reason, I made a promise that I would make her life a living hell. Ever since she dumped me, I haven't been myself. I lost all hope in everything. To make matters worse, before I knew I had Mono, Kelcie and I made out. I called her to give her a heads-up and she freaked out. She no longer talks to me. Mike Sisson over-heard me tell Kelcie that I'm tired of him always bugging me to come out and drink, so he no longer talks to me either. Here's the part that's disturbing. I could care less about both. If that wasn't enough, I wrecked my Suzuki on Monday during a snow storm. The car is totalled. Yet, I don't have a scratch on me even though it tipped over on my side. The hits just keep on coming. It's taken a huge toll on my personality. Like I said before, I haven't felt like myself. There's only two things that can snap me out of this mind-set I'm in. Unfortunately, neither one looks like it's about to happen anytime soon. The first one being winning Helen's affection. I don't feel like Jack Sullivan when I'm around Helen. I'm something much more. I'm a knight, a savior, a hero. That's what I feel when I'm around Helen. But, she's about to get back with her ex-husband and before that, she didn't want a relationship. At least not with me anyway. The other solution is that Undertaker has to win at WrestleMania, this year. Swartz and I have discussed it and we have tickets, this year. We're going to WrestleMania in New Jersey. Undertaker's facing a former WWE & World Heavyweight Champion by the name of CM Punk. Since wrestling's scripted, there's already rumors that CM Punk will be the one to end Undertaker's undefeated streak. Then again, there were a few others that were said to end the Deadman's streak and he dropped every single one of them on their heads. I remember back in 2007, watching Undertaker defeat Batista for the World Heavyweight Championship. Everyone said that Batista was chosen to retain the title. Undertaker beat him. I still remember the feeling I had when Undertaker beat him and went on to hold the title for a few months. All was right with the world. When he beat Edge in 2008, I felt the same way. Not only that, but that was also when Denna and I were sort of seeing each other too. Again, all was right with the world. Last year, Undertaker beat Triple H in a Hell in a Cell match. Helen and I just met. She had been texting me every day since that first day. She asked me How was WrestleMania, this year. She was a bit of a wrestling fan too. I texted her back saying it was awesome and Undertaker won. So, why do I think that the rumors may be true, this time? Because I've seen pictures of The Undertaker lately. He looks tired and after his last match at WrestleMania, he probably has one more left in him. That and CM Punk is the only one that can withstand the hatred from all of the fans around the world. However, there's still that small ray of hope that The Undertaker will come through for me. Mostly, because he always has before. I need him to win this match badly. I'm not sure what a loss will do to me. He's gotta win. In a couple weeks, I'm going to see Helen and pretty-much tell her what I have put down here. It won't matter as far as her and I becoming a couple, but I'll get the satisfaction of knowing that she knows how much she means to me.

Familiar Situation

There's been so much going on, lately. April hasn't exactly been that great of a month. I did get to see WrestleMania, this year. I had to wait until Tuesday, but I saw it. Undertaker had another badass match with Triple H in a Hell in a Cell match and his record now stands 20-0. I was disappointed that John Cena didn't beat The Rock. Cena deserved the victory more than The Rock did. Cena's made movies (they sucked) but at least he never left the WWE to pursue an acting career. My main issue with The Rock is simply that he said the WWE was his home. He said he'd never leave the WWE. Then after WrestleMania 17, he leaves for a few months to be in The Mummy Returns. But, he came back. Then, after WrestleMania 18, he left to do a full length movie The Scorpion King, but he came back again. Then, he left again... and again... and again. Then, he just left... and never really came back. Before John Cena, they booed him whether he was good or bad. I was actually surprised that the fans didn't pull behind Cena in that match. Seemed to be 90% Rock, 10% Cena. I was part of the 10%. Then, Brock Lesnar returns the next night. He suffers 3 losses in the UFC and quits. I just shook my head. Then again, the fans didn't really like him much anyways and vica versa. Here's the funny part though. I respect Brock a hell of a lot more than I do The Rock. Brock never said that the WWE was his home and he'd never leave. After going to the last ECPW show, I noticed that one of my favorite wrestlers is using a WWE replica title for his Championship. I found out that there's no intentions of making a legit title for him anytime soon. So, I talked it over with my friends and we decided to change that. I made him a custom made belt that I had planned on presenting him on May 4th. Their next show. However, the belt is still not here and there's no sign of it coming here anytime, next week. The only plus side to this is that we can present it to him in his hometown of Sidney, NY. Now onto the main focus. Thanks to a co-worker, I met this girl. She happens to be his sister-in-law. This is the story that he told me. She was at his place and just randomly asks if he knows any single guys. He immediately thought of me. At first, I was hesitant. I know her ex-husband. He returned to Willow Run the day that I first started. I heard the story about what happened. The problem is that I only heard one side of it. Reluctantly, I agreed to meet her. There was no way of preparing for what happened. I took a liking to her. We went for a walk to one of her favorite spots in PA. It was a fun night. I returned to PA the next Friday. I brought her flowers, thinking that'd help my chances. It sort of did, but she said that she wasn't what I was looking for. Normally, I probably would've just moved on, but there was one problem. I couldn't get her off my mind. I was a miserable prick for the next week. It was so bad, I damn-near got involved in the Indy Pro Wrestling business. One of them offered to bring me to a show in Watertown instead. So, I took that offer. That was a badass show. That helped me get through the next week. Then, her and I started talking on a social network. Last Sunday, her son had a cut near his eye and had no way of getting him to a Dr. I asked if she wanted me to come and get them. She said yes, so I went and got them. Her car's out of commission and she needed a ride to classes in order for her to get her GED. I offered to take her. I've been doing that all week. Her kids, nieces, and nephews have all taken a liking to me. She look's at me the same way Denna did. We're also doing the same things that Denna and I used to do. This whole situation seems very familiar. My history with Denna has been documented. Half of 2008's entries are about Denna. Luckily I got over her real quick. It's been a long time since any girl's been on my mind as much as this one. The last girl that was on my mind like this was Denna. She always rushing me out the door when her ex-husband's on his way to visit the kids. She says it's so there's no issues between him and me. A couple red flags have already been raised. I don't want to go through another situation like the one I did with Denna. But, I also don't want this feeling to go away. It's the same feeling I had when I was with Denna. In fact, I forgot what that feeling was until this week. I feel like I've been here before. I'm not sure what my next move should be. All I know is I'm still being me. I'm being straight-up with her. Where it goes from here, I'll have to wait and find out.

A Special Someone.

I'm always surprised with how much difference a year can make. One of my greatest flaws is that I dwell on the past way too much. I can't get over how much has changed over the years. Then again, some things have stayed the same. One of my old co-workers from the shop disappeared for a few months. I thougth he was gone for good. Then, out of the blue when I needed someone to be my designated driver, he texted me. He agreed to be my designated driver and met us in Binghamton. I don't know why Binghamton celebrates St. Patrick's Day so early, but whatever. It was Kelcie, myself, and Nic who was the DD. Nic's hung out with Kelcie and me before. He knows (as does everyone else) how I feel about Kelcie. I think the guy's legitimately concerned about me. I think he's afraid that she'll push me off the edge. I honestly don't know what it is about, her, but she has me under some kind of spell. It's not the first time. There have been other girls that have had me under their spell. But I've broken free. With Kelcie, it's a lot harder. I know she and I will never be together, but I still cling on to that little bit of hope that's not there. Deep down, I think Kelcie does truly care about me. Her and I have a lot in common. We're both only children, we both love getting attention, and we're used to getting our way. Her and I have been through a lot. Both together and on our own. Her and I have had our disagreements. I don't know why, but no matter how bad it looks, she'll call me up after she's cooled down. There have been close friends that she's cut out of her life. She usually doesn't give second chances let alone several like I've been given. I just don't understand it. All my friends and even some of my family says that all she does is use me, but the problem with that theory is... she doesn't ask me for anything. Other than to pick her up. She doesn't ask me to pay for dinner, give her a massage, buy her things she wants. That's on me, not her. I'd do it for any girl that's with me. Hell, when I'd hang out with Denna, I'd pay for lunch or whatever it was. It's just that I'm usually always hanging out with Kelcie, so she reaps the benefits. Nic's trying to fix me up with one of his friends. I'm all for it, because at the end of the day, he's right. I'm not gonna find anyone by always hanging out with Kelcie. I love Kelcie and I'm glad we're friends, but I can't wait forever. I gotta take care of me. Of course, as I say that, I'm trying to convince myself of that more than anybody else. Kelcie and I will always be friends, but I'm wondering if she can cope with not having my full attention when I finally do find someone. I'll still hang out with her, but we won't be alone. And I won't be able to cover the bill. I just hope she'll be mature enough to handle that. If not, then bye bye, blackbird.