Who Is The Real Jack Sullivan

Once in a while, I'll read some of my old journals that I've written. None of them ever got finished. I'd usually get 6 months into them and then I'd just stop. Mostly, because my grades would suck and I'd be grounded. There are a couple from a few years ago. I just got lazy with those. One of the pages that I read, caught my attention. Also, a lot's been happening, lately. The past couple of weeks, I've been more paranoid than usual. My worst enemy has always been myself. It's been an on-going battle for years. Sometimes, I'd win and sometimes the darker side of me would win. It's gotten better over the years thanks to people like Robin, Johnny, Cody, and Denna. Yeah, I still fall into some of my past demons, but thanks to them, I get back up. These past couple weeks, I realized that I'm still learning who I am. Sometimes, I can be unsure of myself. So, I've decided to list as many of my qualities (both good and bad) as I could think of. The first thing that comes to mind is my passion. Whether it's a comic book character, a TV show, or a past era, I'll try to find out as much information about it as possible. Not only that, but I have no problem expressing it. Another thing that comes to mind right away is honor. I always try to do the right thing. Even if it may come back to bite me. Respect is a huge quality that I find important. I look at my heroes and most of them (along with honor) have respect. As a result, they're respected by their peers and everyone around them. Here's a quick story. I ran into a friend that still goes to Cortland. I jokingly asked her if she or anyone missed me. Her answer caught me off guard. She stated that quite a few people, even some that she didn't personally knew, have approached her to ask where I disappeared to. I was only at Cortland for 5 months. I didn't think I made that huge of an impact. Some of my friends have expressed their admiration for my respect of women. When I was younger, I was usually with my mom a good amount of the time. Yeah, I'm a momma's boy. I admit it. I think it's because I was always with her that I have this high respect for women. I'll open doors for them, pull out chairs for them, I'll act like a gentleman. It's a bit old school for our generation, but it's what separates me from every other guy. Depending on the situation, I have no problem forgiving and forgetting. People that were my enemies like Tyler Blackman, or I felt have wronged me like the Denna situation over the summer, I've made peace with. However, if you do happen to get on my bad side, I can hold a grudge. I may be playing along to get along with Nate, but I have my eye on him. Another person that I hold a huge grudge against is Bridgette. I really can't stand people like her. A quality that I feel is both good and bad is that I'm straight up with everyone. I don't sugar-coat things very often. I tell it like it is. I got that from my dad and I'm glad that I have this quality. Sometimes it does come back to bite me. I'm mostly known for my sense of humor. Sometimes, I can brighten up somebody's day without even realizing it. That's what happened in my senior year with Ashley. I didn't even think that much about it, but she did. I can be very hypocritical at times. I try to keep that under control. I despise hypocrites. But, nobody's perfect and that includes me. I can also be stubborn when I wanna be. If my mind's made up, it takes a lot of effort to change it. Another quality that I can think of is that I'm never quick to judge. I try to get to know a person first. Everybody gets a fair chance with me. My final quality, which again is both good and bad is that I have an ego. I think that my ego really defines who I am. Again, it can get in the way every once and a while, but thats the case for most people. I forget where I heard this, but I know it had to do with wrestling. People either love you or hate you. There's only good people or bad people. There's no in between. After looking everything over, I've come to this conclusion. I can either be your best friend or your worst enemy. The choice is yours. Overall, I try to be the best that I can be. I'd go to war for any of my friends. If they ever needed anything, I'd be there for them. Robin and Denna have convinced me that I'm the best. I take pride in making sure that I continue to live up to that expectation. Sometimes my expectations are too high, but I try to reach them regardless. Here's another quick story. Denna has brought two of her friends and her cousin to hang out with MY friends. The reason being is that she wanted them to find BETTER people to hang out with. Kelcie ended up dating Cody and she's been around almost a year with us now. Corey said that he thought we were cool and he'll probably be around more. Walter, Denna's Cousin is cool with me, but he's not a people person. Still, he's at least cool with me. My friends define who I am. Without them, I wouldn't be who I am. I think it's a huge honor that Denna brought her friends to hang out with my friends, because she thinks we're good people. Hell, before she came back, I was in one of my moods and she said, "Jack, you're awesome. Don't you ever forget that." That meant a lot. While I was listing all of my qualities, a question entered my mind. How do I want to be remembered. While I was thinking of an answer, I thought of Chris Benoit. A man that was highly respected for years. Then, that tragic incident happened and the crowd's split in half. Some condemn him as a murderer, while some will always remember what he stood for. Everybody will have their own opinion about me. I'd like for people to remember me like I remember Chris Benoit. A man that cared about his friends and family, highly respected, and touched the lives of everyone around him. When I came back to BCC, I could sense my friends' hearts leap for joy. People who didn't know who I was, but heard of me, came over to introduce themselves. Without intending to do so, I created a legacy about me. How do I want to be remembered? It really doesn't matter as long as I'm not forgotten. I've brought this up as a reminder. For the times when I am my own worst enemy and I forget who I am. Now, I can always look back and remember.