She's Still Trying

Last night, 2CW had a special Monday night show. Kage and Sean Carr had a big match for the 2CW Tag Team Championships. After three months of chasing them, they finally got the win. The place erupted. I was with Swartz and our co-worker, Marty. Marty brought his 13 year old son and both of them had a blast. Marty noticed stuff at the show that I didn't even see. One of them was when Sean and Kage won the belts, someone in the crowd was so happy, that they were crying. I didn't see that, but Marty did. Now, we both work with Swartz and he would go nuts just for laughs at the warehouse. He's no different at a wrestling show. Marty and his boy were getting a kick out of him. I think Swartz has a bigger and louder mouth than I do. I never thought that would be possible. It was one of the best shows that I've been to. Before I went to that show, Helen and I were texting back and forth. I thought she needed a ride, so I headed over there after work. Turns out that she didn't need a ride and wanted to see me. She had other reasons for getting me to come out there. She has yet, another girl that she wants me to meet. Now, her track record hasn't been great for girls that she wanted me to meet and potentially date. Although, she never really hooked me up with Tina, she did think it was a good idea. It was far from it. However, I needed to make that mistake, because I was at the point where I was so desperate, I'd date just about anybody and Tina was proof of that. After three months of her and her parents' bullshit, I grew standards and had priorities as well as high expectations. I looked back at some of the girls that I had liked at one point only to realize none of them would've worked if I had actually officially dated any of them. Ashley Vincent, Denna, Kelcie, none of them would've worked. Ashley was too stuck up, Denna was untrustworthy, and Kelcie's a druggie who has slept with over thirty guys. Sure, Kelcie is a good friend of mine, but she's not exactly girlfriend material. Helen also thought it would've been good if I hooked up with this fat girl that was hanging out a lot at her sister's place. She wasn't behind that attempt, but again she thought it was a good idea. Helen IS responsible for attempting to hook me up with that Jamaica girl. The problem was Jamaica was plain, chubby, and worst of all, she was only 18 years old. I only date 23 and higher when it comes to the age situation. Reason being that most girls are mature and know what the hell they want by that age. Jamaica acted like all the other 18 year old girls that I've been around during my days at BCC. So, Helen's track record isn't good. But, she's still finding girls for me to meet. Obviously, I'd rather just be with her. But, that's not gonna happen anytime soon. Helen still feels bad for what happened with Tina and me even though it wasn't her fault. It wasn't Derrick Carvin's fault, it wasn't his wife's fault, it wasn't anyone's fault. Tina brought on everything herself and SHE'S the reason why we're not together. Still, Helen feels bad and she cares a great deal about me. She doesn't want me to be alone. So, she keeps coming up with girls to meet until there's one that clicks. The sad truth is that most guys like me usually end up alone. Guys like me get played, used, walked on, stabbed in the back, and taken advantage of all the time. So, we stick with our close friends that we can trust and fly solo. I explained this to Helen, but she insists. I did agree to meet her friend on Friday. She refused to show me a picture, because she'll think I'll get all dressed up and nervous. I laughed at that one. I don't get nervous when it comes to meeting new girls. I know how to treat them, so there's nothing to be nervous about. Either things will spark and go like she plans, or things will just stay the same. I'm fine with it either way. While I was there, Tina was also there with her new boyfriend. I didn't bother warning him. He'll figure it out the hard way just like I did. Helen also had two of her friends there as well. They're a couple that just recently started dating. I'm not sure how much Helen had to do with that one. She might not of had anything to do with it at all. Their names are Craig and Tonya. Craig has this alpha-male personality that I usually wouldn't agree with, but I don't know him all that well yet and he's a friend of Helen's. I doubt she'd let him hang around if he was an asshole, then again she did marry Pat. Tonya couldn't take her eyes off me. I didn't think anything of it. Denna did the exact same thing back at BCC in 2008. So, I should've known there was a reason for it. Helen texted me yesterday that Tonya thinks I'm very good looking. I'm not sure why Helen's telling me this. She has this girl for me to meet on Friday and Tonya's with Craig. Unless there's more to the story than she's telling. When she tried hooking me up with Jamaica, all I had was a time. I didn't have a name, day, or place. This time, I have a day and place. I guess the time doesn't matter. Once I get out of work, I come home, clean up and head over there. Hopefully, this time it will be different than the last time Helen was around when I was meeting a girl that she thought would be a good match for me.

Bigger Than Superman

It's been another interesting week. I helped my dad out on Saturday and Sunday. Since it was Father's Day on Sunday, I hung out a little longer than I usually do. Afterwards, I went to Great Bend to Helen's work and surprised her. She was beamning when she turned around and saw me. I finally told her what I've wanted to say, since last year. "You're actually twenty times better than you think you are," was what she told me in response. It's no wonder why I'm so damn attracted to her. I talked with her for a good hour and a half before leaving to go home. This week was interesting. With Cliff Ruby back, it's almost like these guys don't need me. But, they'll never make me feel that way. They find things for me to do at work. Dave assured me that I was going to be on 1st shift regardless of what happened. I'm glad that I have my life again. Just because things are going well with me, doesn't mean that they're going well for everyone else. As much as I care about Robin, there are times that she can be immature and ridiculous. Tuesday was one of those days. Her twenty-two year old boyfriend went to a funeral, came back, and didn't want to be in a relationship with her. Robin 's personality is pretty extreme. So extreme, that the only person she has to vent on is... me. Everyone else just up and left. She wanted me to help her make him want to stay with her. I told her hundreds of times that you can't control how people feel. She didn't want to hear it. I held back a lot of what I wanted to tell her. Although, I did spit out a couple thoughts that I thought she should hear. She kept calling him her "soul-mate". I wanted so badly to say, "look, he ain't your damn soul-mate if he doesn't wanna be in a relationship with you". But, I didn't. I just rolled my eyes, but she didn't notice. Robin is very controlling. Sometimes, too damn controlling. There's not too many people that will put up with that. I know ways around it, so it doesn't bother me too much. I haven't heard anything from her lately, so I'm guessing that they worked things out. It is what it is and to be honest, I could care less either way. From my past experiences, most people don't really start to "grow up" until around the age of twenty five and higher. On Friday, I went to see the new Superman movie, Man of Steel. There's a bit of controversy surrounding the ending. Superman has General Zod in a headlock, so Zod fires his laser eyes at the wall surrounding a family. To save the family, Superman snaps his neck, killing him. Apparently, a lot of hardcore Superman fans were upset because, "Superman doesn't kill." I've read a couple of articles that have some valid points to the argument. In Superman II, Superman has Zod's powers released from him and shoves him down the bottomless abyss in his Fortress of Solitude. No one had an issue with THAT ending. My guess is that the Man of Steel's killing of Zod was a tad bit more brutal and graphic, that it was the main issue why people didn't like it. To me, the ending made sense. Zod was out of control and wanted to kill all human life on the planet. Superman made a choice between his one rule and his promise to help the people of Earth whenever he can. I was fine with the ending. What kills me is that they were upset with his killing of Zod, but they were fine with the scene where he's watching a baseball game in the kitchen of his house and he's drinking a beer. They may argue it's a soda bottle, but I know my beer lables. Superman's drinking a Budweiser. What, it's ok for him to drink a beer, because he's an alien and aliens can't get drunk? Give me a freakin' break. Personally, I don't care what the hell he drinks. It's just that if you're gonna bitch that he's breaking his one rule, then you might as well look at his other flaws as well. Otherwise, just shut the hell up and move on. I remember when I saw the first trailer for that movie. It had Russell Crowe's voice in the background of the scenes. You didn't even know it was a Superman movie at first. Until you saw the Man of Steel title, then Superman's rocketing up to the sky. That's all I needed to see to wanna see that movie. Of course, they made more trailers as it got closer to the release date. Personally, there are certain movies that it helps to have more than one trailer for, but then there's some movies that only need one trailer and it can be very brief. This was one of them. I hate it when there's several trailers, because it seems like I've seen half the movie before even getting in the theater. In the trailer with Russell Crowe's voice in the background, he's telling Superman that the people of earth with look up to him. "They'll rise behind you, they will stumble... they will fall. But in time, they will join you in the sun. In time you'll help them accomplish wonders." It got me thinking that quite a few of my friends come to me for help. They look up to me, depend on me, they expect me to do the right thing by them. I'm no Superman and they know this.In fact, one of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies, Angus has a scene where his grandfather says, "Superman's not brave. He's invincible... and you can't be brave if you're invincible." There are people that are strong in their own way and I have to agree are braver than Superman. At the same time to them, I am Superman. I'm the knight in shining armor riding up on a white horse. Kelcie, Robin, Helen, Steve Whipple and his girlfriend, Jeff Greeno, and Nic Marques are a few that come to mind. Although, I don't really talk to Nic anymore, I helped him a couple times. I've always tried to conduct myself with honor and dignity. I wanted to have an aura around me that everyone saw. Chris Benoit had this aura whenever I watched him in WWE. He commanded respect just by his mere presence and he got it. Anyone and everyone that saw him, knew he was an honorable man. They knew they could trust him. It's a shame that his memory is tarnished by the tragic incident that happened in 2007. I still don't believe that he could be capable of something like that. That's what I want. I want my actions be noticed and heard, so that where ever I go, everyone knows who I am and what I stand for. To Helen and a few others, I'm already looked at in that way by them. I can tell, because they'll light up. The whole room will be lit. There are times that I'll be walking in a store or down the street and I get a few glances as if they're wondering what I'm all about. It worked with Denna back in 2008. She found me mysterious and wanted to know more about me. She'd glance at me every day until finally getting the courage to wave at me. I don't know why Helen would continue to talk to me after telling me that she wasn't looking for a relationship, but I know that she's not regretting it. I remember coming back to BCC after I flunked out of Cortland. There were a lot of new faces. Some of them talked to my friends and they told them who I was. Some of them walked up and shook my hand, told me who they were. When Denna dated Cory Cook briefly, she told him that I was the one that had to accept him. How Superman does it, I'll never know. He has many more people looking up to him than I do. But, for those that do turn to me for whatever reason, I give them my word. I will never let them down.

It's Never Easy

This week has so far been very demanding. The good news is that the guy I was filling in for, has come back. Although, he's not 100%, he's been a big help, this week. He's a little bit like me. Skinny, kind of goofy and squirrely, likes to do the job right the first time, and doesn't mind helping anyone out. Even though work's been grueling this week, I'm still liking the change. Last week, I bought WrestleMania 29. It's the first time that I bought a WWE PPV DVD that I've been to personally. I knew that it'd be a lot different watching it on my TV than it was when I was there in person, but I wasn't expecting the experience I got when I watched it again. Every memory from my trip hit me as I sat there watching it. I remember the cool breeze blowing gently from where I was sitting, I remember the warmth of the sun as it started to set during the second match, I remember the energy that emitted from the crowd during certain matches, and I remember the feeling it was to be there in general. That event got me through another tough time. Just like WrestleMania 17 did thirteen years ago. Some people like to knock pro wrestling, because it's scripted. They say it's all fake and not worth watching. It's much more than that to me. Some people turn to football, baseball, or some type of sport to get them through a hard time. They pull behind their favorite team hoping that they'll win the game or a Championship. Wrestling's no different for me. I've said it before. Wrestling has always been there. No matter what, I can always go to a show or watch RAW or throw in a DVD and it'll bring my morale up. It's no different than someone's favorite TV show, movie, or music. Everyone needs an outlet to get that negative energy out of their system. Last week, I also texted Helen, because it's been a while, since her and I talked. Before I get into that, I found out from Kelcie that Colleen, who gave me mono and dumped me for no apparent reason, is now dating her crush that she had even when she was with me. If she had just been honest, I'd probably still be friends with her. Hell, if she didn't give me a viral illness that sticks with you for the rest of your life, I'd probably would've still been her friend. I can't begin to explain how frustrated and angry I am that she got what she wanted and she's completely happy, while I got played and went through two months of isolation from everyone. Anyone that I've ever pursued, have always told me the same thing. "I don't want to hurt you. You're too valuable as a friend. If we broke up, I'm afraid we wouldn't be as close as we are!" It gets old after a while. I pursued Ashley Vincent (now Nolan) back in the day and I'm more or less a stranger to her. I got a little further with Denna than I did with her, but she was young and immature back then. I pursued Kelcie for three years before I came to my senses and realized it would never work out. Now, she's dating a guy that's straight-edge. Doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, and doesn't do drugs. Kelcie does all three. I highly doubt it's going to work out. Everyone wondered why I stayed with Tina for so long, last year. Because I knew that it would be extremely difficult to get in another relationship. Still, I should've ended it sooner than I did. Probably after the first two weeks, I should've been gone. Thanks to Colleen, I can't go to the bars that my friends hang out at, because I know that upon seeing her, I'll verbally tear her apart and ruin everyone's good time. Swartz is constantly hanging out with her and her sister, who's been sleeping with Mike Sisson for a few weeks. I don't understand why my friends are so careless. They saw what happened to me. It could happen to them as well or worse. I've been hearing that Colleen and her sister have been using Swartz from my other co-workers at work. As much as I'd like to show up at the bar on a Friday night and put those tramps in their place, I don't want to ruin everyone else who's there just to have a good time. So, I'll just sit back and wait for Karma to come in and bring justice like it has several times in the past. So, what would make me happy and bring me at peace with everything? That's easy, it's being with Helen. The girl broke into the bedroom I was sleeping in, because I showed up at her school around lunch time to bring her to her sister's house and I looked exhausted as hell. She's one of the few people that I know truly cares about me. Unfortunately, she's with her asshole husband, who I'm pretty sure hasn't changed from the last time they were together and isn't treating her or their kids right. Still, I know she cares. Despite what she says, I know she was attracted to me when I was taking her to her school and she was afraid something bad would happen, b/c of her stupid husband. This is just guess work on my part, but I'm sure I'm right on this one. Anyways, Helen and I texted back and forth. Then, out of nowhere she texts me, "Thank you for being my friend. I'm so thankful to you, Jack. Just wanted to let you know." It caught me off guard, although she's always saying I'm her best friend, closest friend, brother, etc. When we used to flirt, she said something around the lines of, "Well, you are handsome, little bit street fighter look, little bit country, and a little bit of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Hard to resist sometimes!" I wasn't getting compliments like that at the time. She knows she means a lot to me, but I don't think she knows just how much. I have a feeling that there's a special place in her heart for me. She talks me up more than her brother-in-law does. Just thinking about her gets rid of any frustration I'll be having at the moment. I swore that I'd never settle for second best again and I'll honor that. However, if I can't be with her, I'm at least finding someone that's just as good as she is.

Relaxed, But Still Ranting

I don't even know where to begin. Work's still going great. With the exception of that 19 year old worthless prick running into my pallets of load bars, I have nothing to complain about. The guy that I'm replacing is supposed to come back on Monday. He'll be on light duty for a while. My boss assured me that no matter what happens, I'm always going to be on 1st shift. Slowly, I'm getting my life back together. Tuesday, there was a memorial service for a person that my parents and I knew. Since, it was a Harpursville death, there were a lot of people from Harpursville that were there. Some that I haven't seen, since I graduated in 2004. My dad called for me to come over to the bar while I was talking to one of them. He introduced me to one of the indy wrestler's dads. Apparently, him and my dad were in the same Catholic school back in the day. So, I talked to him for a couple hours. He's trying to get my dad to come to the show on August 9th. I have a few mixed feelings about that. Dad will be entering MY world and I know he's not gonna like what he's gonna see. Mainly, me screaming like a lunatic. He's voiced many times that he finds that stupid, but I really don't care. It's a good time for me. Whether he's there or not, I'm still doing what I always do at shows. Speaking of shows, I went to the 2CW show on Saturday. My sinuses were acting up, but I still went and I still screamed. As a result, I had no voice the next day. Robin texts me that she needs my help as soon as possible. I asked what was wrong because I wasn't feeling that great. I had no voice, my sinuses were kicking my ass, and I didn't feel like going anywhere. She texts back that it's a matter between life or death. Again, I ask what's wrong. She texts back that her boyfriend of three years wants to break up with her. ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME??? THAT'S NOT A MATTER BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH!!! As much as I love Robin, she can be melodramatic at times. Without meaning to, she can exaggerate certain parts of a story. An example of this, is when Kara got in a car accident and was sent to the ER. Robin made it sound like she got disfigured in the accident and the doctors were trying to piece her face back together. Kara fractured the bridge of her nose and was a bit banged up, but she looked same as ever. When she talked to Kara's parents, she somehow made it sound like Kara was dying. As a result, Kara and Robin are no longer friends. Neither one of them is right on this issue, but that's irrelevant. Back to my story about her boyfriend wanting to break up with her. After calling Robin and asking for details, it sounds like this guy may be playing games. Can't prove it, but that's what it sounds like. After going to the memorial, I headed up to Robin's place. I asked what's going on and all I got was "It's personal, brah." So, either someone's in his head or he's going through a phase he's not familiar with. I know in the past that Robin's too controlling and he's not wrong on that. She can be very controlling and that's probably why most of her relationships don't last. She admits that she feels that she has to be dominant and look alpha 24/7. I've told her that's the most childish, immature thing I've ever heard and she just glared at me. So, I hung out with them for a half hour and went home. Apparently, that's all I had to do and things are slightly getting better. While I'm on this subject, I don't understand why these girls won't dump their loser boyfriends that just use them and/or make them feel like they're not good enough. These scumbags will go out and blatantly cheat on these girls, but they'll still be with them. I've been trying for almost a year now for Denna to dump her douche bag and she just won't. She said things like, "it's my fault he acts like that," "my heart just can't do it," "I gotta try harder." That's the biggest load of crap I've ever heard. Denna's not the problem for once. When Denna and I fooled around, we were both young and immature. Apparently, I'm the only one of the two of us that grew up. When I tell Denna she needs to leave this guy, she clams up and stops talking. One of these days, I'm just gonna go full throttle and speak my mind whether she likes it or not. I know it's not easy to dump someone. I lied to myself for three months when I was with Tina. But, it got to a point that I was sick of being a door mat and being lied to. I wasn't happy, things weren't going to get better, and if I didn't dump her soon, there would've been four dead bodies with their blood on my hands. I was happy with Colleen until she did me dirty. Because of my past relationships, I'm extremely picky on who I date and very shallow as well, but I don't care. I'm not expecting to date a super model, but I don't want some plain looking dumpy girl waddling beside me or a walking, talking, stick for that matter. Speaking of which, Kelcie has started talking to me again. Apparently, she wasn't mad at me as much as she was scared of getting what I have. This is both a good and bad thing. Good thing, because I can always chill with her whenever I need to kill time. Bad thing, because there's gonna be times she's gonna want me to go out and I'll have to work the next morning. Then again, with her working, maybe she'll give me a break now that she knows what it's like. We've been off and on as friends so many times, I'm at the point where if she wants to talk to me, then good. If she doesn't, then that's good too. She's told me about some of her bad situations that she's been part of in the past couple weeks. The thing is she allows herself to be put in those situations. Hell, she almost asks for them. So, my sympathy is not that high. Hopefully, she'll wake up and straighten her life out one day. I hope I'm there to see it.