It's Never Easy

This week has so far been very demanding. The good news is that the guy I was filling in for, has come back. Although, he's not 100%, he's been a big help, this week. He's a little bit like me. Skinny, kind of goofy and squirrely, likes to do the job right the first time, and doesn't mind helping anyone out. Even though work's been grueling this week, I'm still liking the change. Last week, I bought WrestleMania 29. It's the first time that I bought a WWE PPV DVD that I've been to personally. I knew that it'd be a lot different watching it on my TV than it was when I was there in person, but I wasn't expecting the experience I got when I watched it again. Every memory from my trip hit me as I sat there watching it. I remember the cool breeze blowing gently from where I was sitting, I remember the warmth of the sun as it started to set during the second match, I remember the energy that emitted from the crowd during certain matches, and I remember the feeling it was to be there in general. That event got me through another tough time. Just like WrestleMania 17 did thirteen years ago. Some people like to knock pro wrestling, because it's scripted. They say it's all fake and not worth watching. It's much more than that to me. Some people turn to football, baseball, or some type of sport to get them through a hard time. They pull behind their favorite team hoping that they'll win the game or a Championship. Wrestling's no different for me. I've said it before. Wrestling has always been there. No matter what, I can always go to a show or watch RAW or throw in a DVD and it'll bring my morale up. It's no different than someone's favorite TV show, movie, or music. Everyone needs an outlet to get that negative energy out of their system. Last week, I also texted Helen, because it's been a while, since her and I talked. Before I get into that, I found out from Kelcie that Colleen, who gave me mono and dumped me for no apparent reason, is now dating her crush that she had even when she was with me. If she had just been honest, I'd probably still be friends with her. Hell, if she didn't give me a viral illness that sticks with you for the rest of your life, I'd probably would've still been her friend. I can't begin to explain how frustrated and angry I am that she got what she wanted and she's completely happy, while I got played and went through two months of isolation from everyone. Anyone that I've ever pursued, have always told me the same thing. "I don't want to hurt you. You're too valuable as a friend. If we broke up, I'm afraid we wouldn't be as close as we are!" It gets old after a while. I pursued Ashley Vincent (now Nolan) back in the day and I'm more or less a stranger to her. I got a little further with Denna than I did with her, but she was young and immature back then. I pursued Kelcie for three years before I came to my senses and realized it would never work out. Now, she's dating a guy that's straight-edge. Doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, and doesn't do drugs. Kelcie does all three. I highly doubt it's going to work out. Everyone wondered why I stayed with Tina for so long, last year. Because I knew that it would be extremely difficult to get in another relationship. Still, I should've ended it sooner than I did. Probably after the first two weeks, I should've been gone. Thanks to Colleen, I can't go to the bars that my friends hang out at, because I know that upon seeing her, I'll verbally tear her apart and ruin everyone's good time. Swartz is constantly hanging out with her and her sister, who's been sleeping with Mike Sisson for a few weeks. I don't understand why my friends are so careless. They saw what happened to me. It could happen to them as well or worse. I've been hearing that Colleen and her sister have been using Swartz from my other co-workers at work. As much as I'd like to show up at the bar on a Friday night and put those tramps in their place, I don't want to ruin everyone else who's there just to have a good time. So, I'll just sit back and wait for Karma to come in and bring justice like it has several times in the past. So, what would make me happy and bring me at peace with everything? That's easy, it's being with Helen. The girl broke into the bedroom I was sleeping in, because I showed up at her school around lunch time to bring her to her sister's house and I looked exhausted as hell. She's one of the few people that I know truly cares about me. Unfortunately, she's with her asshole husband, who I'm pretty sure hasn't changed from the last time they were together and isn't treating her or their kids right. Still, I know she cares. Despite what she says, I know she was attracted to me when I was taking her to her school and she was afraid something bad would happen, b/c of her stupid husband. This is just guess work on my part, but I'm sure I'm right on this one. Anyways, Helen and I texted back and forth. Then, out of nowhere she texts me, "Thank you for being my friend. I'm so thankful to you, Jack. Just wanted to let you know." It caught me off guard, although she's always saying I'm her best friend, closest friend, brother, etc. When we used to flirt, she said something around the lines of, "Well, you are handsome, little bit street fighter look, little bit country, and a little bit of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Hard to resist sometimes!" I wasn't getting compliments like that at the time. She knows she means a lot to me, but I don't think she knows just how much. I have a feeling that there's a special place in her heart for me. She talks me up more than her brother-in-law does. Just thinking about her gets rid of any frustration I'll be having at the moment. I swore that I'd never settle for second best again and I'll honor that. However, if I can't be with her, I'm at least finding someone that's just as good as she is.