Regrets.

Seth came up to my college, this weekend. We hung out with Zimmer, Cummings, and Hopkins. I forgot that no matter where Seth stays, it ends up becoming a mess. I'm not a neat freak by any means, but come on now. The guy's a freakin' pig. Anyways, Friday we went drinking with Cummings and Hopkins. That wasn't too bad with the exception that I almost got into a street fight. I had the numbers advantage, but apparently, Hopkins doesn't think so. He claims there were two more guys circling around me. Personally, I think he had double vision, because there were only two guys and only one of them was running his mouth. Forget that, though. That was a five minute deal and nothing went down. Before that even happened, I drunk dialed some of my friends. I only got a hold of one, which lasted five minutes. I apologized to her, yesterday. The rest of the weekend wasn't anything special. My roommate came back, yesterday and this time, he didn't have a sling on his arm. I started to think about all the conversations that we've had about girls and I realized two things. The first one being that I have bad taste and the second one being that I have the worst luck with them. I didn't get my first girlfriend until 9th grade. That was stupid, because there was no love there. It was just getting a girlfriend for the sake of getting a girlfriend. I was in way over my head. There were girls in high school that liked me, but I didn't feel the same way. There were a couple exceptions, though. Ashley started to become attracted to me around our senior year. Back then, I was the man. Hell, I was just being my old, smart-ass self, but it made her smile and that meant the world to her. But, I was immature back then. I had no interest in getting a girlfriend then. By the time I was, it was too late. I still remember the pain. Then, she dumped her boyfriend, but started to date another. She started treating me horribly. Her boyfriend and I hated each other for the longest time. Even when she broke up with him. Hell, I was still getting mistreated. Finally, I wrote her an e-mail explaining how I felt. She stopped treating me badly and started acting like a friend. We became close again. Sometimes, I still read the letters that she wrote to me back in 2004 and 2005. I usually read them when I need to be reminded of who I am. We were extremely close, back then. Then, Larry entered the picture. At first, things were still good. Then, it was whatever Larry wanted. Whatever might upset Larry, had to go. So, although we've tried hundreds of times, things haven't and never will be like they were. I can accept that. It just amazes me that two people as close as Ashley and I were...are now almost strangers to one another. Ok, moving on. Making out with this nasty chick at a bar wasn't really a wise move on my part. That just screams out desperate. Believe me, I was. In 2007, it looked like there was a light at the other end of the tunnel. In February, I got my second girlfriend. However, it was short-lived. She dumped me three days after I asked her out. She has a lot of issues. I don't really talk to her anymore. Then, in 2008, I started going to the bars. I met a 28 year old there, but that's pretty-much a dead-end. Actually, if I could go back, I definately wouldn't have been at that particular bar on that night. Around the same time, I met Denna. At first, I thought Denna was incredible. I thought she could do no wrong. Man, did I get taken for a ride on that one. She basically cheated on her fiance with me. It was only when certain people got involved with our business that she stopped. In fact, she avoided me like the plague for a few weeks. She talks to me once and a while, now. But, at the end of the day, she's disloyal to whoever she's around. I skipped ahead a bit. There was one more girl during my senior year. I was hanging out with some of my boys, during the night of one of our wrestling matches. We still had a few hours before we had to be in the locker room, so we were just hanging out in the hallway. This blonde JV Cheerleader approached us and started to give the guys hugs. "These are for luck," she explained. She hugged me and I was just being a smart-ass and said, "how about a kiss?" Without missing a beat, she gave me a peck on the cheek. She hung out with us until it was time for us to get ready. I did lose my match, but it was one of my best ones. I only lost by three points. The next few weeks after the match, I'd see her occassionally. I was heading to study hall one day and she was standing next door. She playfully slapped my arm and said "you never say hi to me, when you see me,". I apologized and assured her that I would from now on. Her next words caught me off guard a bit. "Um...do you think I could call you, sometime?" she asked. I said sure and gave her my number. I was living with my grandparents at the time. It was a Friday and I was visiting my parents on the weekends. I told her to call on Monday, because I'd be home. Before she called me, she gave me a note. Apparently, she did some background info on me. Her foster mom used to be my bus driver. In fact, she was my favorite bus driver. So, she heard a lot of good things. She called me every night. Her older sister was in my grade. In fact, I think she liked me too. I was friends with the Varsity Cheerleaders, so it wasn't hard to get some info on this girl. Her name's Christina and around that time, she was 14 years old. Now, you see the problem. I was 18 and about to graduate high school. On Valentine's Day, Christina gave me a heart-shaped tin box. Inside, was a lot of hard candy and a small gold box wrapped in a red ribbon. I opened the gold box and there was more hard candy. At the bottom of the gold box, was a wallet size picture of her taped at the bottom. I couldn't get the tape off, so I ended up throwing that out. Christina was a pretty girl, but the age thing made me uncomfortable. One day, she was trying to get my attention. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" I snapped. She laughed nervously and said hi. I said hi, gruffly and went back to ignoring her. I ignored her for the rest of the year. We'd pass each other in the hall. I'd glance at her, but quickly turn my eyes away. She'd always have the same look on her face. She'd bite her bottom lip and gaze at me. I'm no mind-reader, but I'm pretty sure I could've guessed what she was thinking. "If only he'd talk to me again." I feel bad, now. I wish I handled things differently. In 2005, I ran into her at the homecoming dance. I went over to talk to her. She asked me to save a dance for her. I went with Stacey, but she was cool about it. I danced with Stacey a few times. Then, I scanned the crowd looking for Christina. When I found her, we danced. I apologized for my actions and explained why I acted the way I did. She said it was alright. I still have a picture of us from that dance. I see her once in a while. Christina's definitely a sweetheart. Not once did she ever show any malice towards me and believe me, I deserved it. She never had any hatred in her eyes whenever she glanced at me. There was sadness, though. Christina's now 19 years old. She's just as beautiful now as she was back then. But, she works two jobs and has a boyfriend. Just like with Ashley, it's too late. I'm 23 years old. If Christina and I were going out, no one would say a word. Back then, everyone and their brother would've ridiculed us. I'll admit straight up that if I had the chance, I'd date Christina in a heart beat. I called her, yesterday. She said that she was very busy, but to call her on Tuesdays or Thursdays when she's not busy. I'm gonna call her, tomorrow and see if she'd possibly hang out with me sometime. I haven't really been a good friend to her, but it's never too late to start. Even though she accepted my apology, it's not enough. I know I can be better than that. Back in high school, she said that even if we didn't date, she still wanted me as a friend. It's about time I granted that wish.

Taking It Back

I'm kind of burnt out right now, but I'm gonna do my best. First of all, last Wednesday was my birthday. Yay, 23 years old and another year closer to death. Ok, I'm just kidding about the death part. I called up Zimmer and Cummings that night. Zimmer was busy, but Shaun and James came to get me. We played cards and drank for a few hours. It was a fun time. UFC started last week. They're doing the same thing this time around as last time. There were fights just to get in the house. They're over now, so the real fun begins next week. I went home last weekend and my parents spoiled the HELL out of me. I visited my old college last Friday. I saw Nate, but I ignored him for the most part. It turns out that he's not too fond of me anyways. Well, I never gave him a reason to dislike me, but if he wants one, I'd be more than happy to give him one. He's an asshole, so screw him. I had three tests, this week. Two of them didn't go well. That's why I'm burnt out, right now. I need to do well on the remaining ones and I'll be fine. Today, I had a presentation. It was a group thing, so it wasn't just me. This one girl was stupid as hell. She's a bossy little bitch too. Well, when it was my turn to present my part, she butted in rather rudely. That pissed me off to no end. I came very close to saying: "know your place and shut up!" I didn't, because that would've been sexus and assholish. Last night, I went on this "take back the night" walk. We walked around the town of Cortland protesting against rape. During the walk, I had a flashback of something that happened in 2006. I remember waiting for my mom to come get me from college. I ran into Cody and he invited me to Will Wallack's party. I went to that and got completely hammered. Too hammered actually. I puked my guts out, that night. I have a good friend by the name of Ric Keiser. When he went to BCC, him and I were tight. He had this scary, slutty girlfriend in 2006. She was also at the party, but he had to work. Anyways, her and I took the same bedroom. She was more drunk than I was. She kissed my neck a lot. She also undid my belt. I went back out to the living room asking for someone to take care of her for me. Someone did go in, but I ended up back in the room with her. I finally drifted off to sleep when I heard Scott Hoyt come in the room. Throughout the entire night, Hoyt kept giving me a condom. He said I needed it more than I did. I kept throwing it back at him, saying I wasn't going to do anything. At this point, Hoyt thought he was a ladies' man that could touch whatever and whoever he wanted. Truth be told, he was just a pathetic schmuck. Well, he climbed in bed with the two of us and I heard kissing noises. I told them to keep it down and Keiser's girlfriend kicked me to the floor. So, I left the room. What happened next, only Hoyt knows. I DO know that she doesn't remember doing anything and if it hadn't been for my recollection of the night, she'd never have known. I've been kicking myself about this for years, now. I know I could've done more. It can't be proven, but I still think something happened in that room. I had to be the one to tell Keiser what happened. The poor guy had a breakdown right there on the spot. I felt worse than I've ever felt. Keiser never blamed me for anything. In fact, he said I was a good friend and thanked me. Still, I know I could've done something about it. I get so pissed off when the people that WEREN'T at the party say: "If I was there, I'd have grabbed Hoyt by the back of his neck and thrown him out of that room." They wouldn't have done anything. They'd have been passed out drunk in the living room with the others. That's how the rest of them were. Next time something like this happens, I'm going to do something about it. No more being a coward. I'm gonna do the right thing, next time.

A New Enemy

Robin called me three times on Saturday. Her and Kara were hanging out while I was stuck at Cortland. Around 8:00 at night, Robin had called me for the third time. Even though I had talked to Kara last week, I still asked Robin how she was doing. Her answer took me off guard. A guy by the name of Nate Boyce got angry at Kara and as a result, he punched her in the knee about four or five times. Before I continue with the story, let me give you a little background on this guy. I met him during my last month at BCC. Denna and I were always hanging around back then. We were just being our playful selves one day, when he came over to us. "Wow, you're a fighter. That's awesome! We'll have to spar someday," Nate told Denna. Now, that sounds innocent enough. At first, I didn't have a problem with him. But, then he started hanging around Denna and myself quite a bit. Every time, he'd get in a fighter's stance and start tagging her with rights and lefts. Sometimes, Denna would go along with it, but there were times that Denna would say, "Alright, that's enough." But, he wouldn't stop. "There's no such thing as enough," he'd say and he'd keep doing what he was doing. Every time Denna was around, he'd have his hands all over her one way or another. I'd glare at him from where ever I was. It was pissing me off that he was trying to steal my thunder. He had this attitude that he could do whatever he wanted. Especially, when it came to girls. Anyways, he'd flirt with Denna all the time and he'd try to blow up my spot. First of all, I don't take too kindly to that. That's really low in my opinion. At one point, when he was messing around with Denna, he almost pulled her arm out of socket. She punched him hard and went over to the other side of the room. I was about to do something about it, but Denna gave me a look. Ever since Nate saw Denna and I playing around, he became attracted to her. The interesting part was that Denna at the time was engaged. Denna knew that I was becoming more and more jealous each day. One Friday, she came to hang out with me at my work. When she came through the door, the first sentence she said to me was, "don't hate me. I just see Nate as a friend and nothing more." I never said anything to Denna about her and Nate, but it was obvious enough that I didn't like it. I told her that I'd try to be cool with everything. Then, she said that if she wasn't engaged, the person she'd be with, would be me. We hung out and everything was cool. There was one day that my anger got the best of me. Denna and I were supposed to hang out. She called me up to ask me to call Bridgette. She wanted me to tell Bridgette not to come for another hour. I said that I really didn't wanna talk to Bridgette if I could help it. Denna got pissed and told me to just forget it. Around this time, Kelcie had just started going out with Cody. I was hanging out with her, then she asked if I wanted to go get something to eat and hang at her house. As we were leaving, my cell phone rang. It was Nate wondering where Kelcie and I were going. I told him not to worry about it. Denna called me later that day, wondering where I was. When I told her, she got jealous. I had to come back to college for my last class. After the class was done, I went to see Denna. She was on the phone, so I waited. Bridgette started to talk to me about how I should've hung out with Denna. I got pissed off for two reasons. One...I did nothing wrong. Two...I can't stand Bridgette and didn't want her getting involved with MY business. Next thing I know, Denna's screaming at me, Bridgette's putting in her two cents, and I'm about to flip out. That's what happens. I scream at Bridgette to stay out of my business, then this other guy that I can't stand gets involved. I scream at him to shut the hell up. He stands up grinning with his arms out. I felt provoked, so I sprung out of my chair and swung at him. Nate got between us and I stormed out of the building. Denna chased after me. Mainly, to apologize for everything. I calmed down and gave her a big hug to let her know everything was alright. Nate did confess to me that he had an affection for Denna and he "knew my pain." The fact is that Nate had no chance in hell with her. Also, it wasn't just Denna that he'd try to get with. It seemed like any girl I was hanging out with, he'd try to blow up my spot regardless if he had a chance or not. as for Denna, if it weren't for her fiance, her and I would probably be dating. In fact, let me get all of this off my chest while I'm in the right mood. I'm not proud of what Denna and I did behind her fiance's back, but I have no regrets. Denna and I are still friends and we still talk at least once a week. However, I think she's made several stupid decisions. Her wedding on the fourth of July was ridiculous. The fact that she moved to Kansas, I find ridiculous. Overall, I don't think her marriage will last. She's just as guilty as I am for everything we've done, this year. However, whenever I'd confront those issues, she'd get pissed off and shut down. Although, I have no hatred or angry feelings towards her, I still think she has a lot of growing up to do. She just couldn't admit that what we were doing was wrong. She only stopped acting this way after our friends started to get involved. Alright, That's about it and that pretty-much covers the background story on Nate. Now, here's what I heard happened. Nate was being his usual jackass self and Kara asked him to stop. He didn't stop and had his feet on her. She pushed his feet off her and he got pissed. So, he punched her in the knee four or five times. When I heard that Nate had done this, rage fueled my body. Kara's an amazing person. In fact, the world could use more people like her. For some asshole to lay a hand on her, just makes my blood boil. Unfortunately, I'm at Cortland. It's not like I could just go to BCC on Monday to take care of this. Luckily, there was something I could do. I gave my boys, Dan and Chris a call. They assured me that they'd have a talk with this asshole for me. I'm going home this weekend, so I plan on stopping up to BCC on Friday. I will admit that I'm hoping to run into Nate, so that I can also talk to him. There's also a few people that I wanna see, because I miss them. I did talk to Kara to see if she was alright. She says that she is, but I think that she'd feel a lot better if she saw me. With my friends, it's like this. I'm close to about 98% of my friends to the point that they're not really friends. They're family. I'm half-Italian, so family means a lot to me. If you mess with my family, there will be consequences. Especially if it's a man hitting a girl.

Two Fun Weekends

I went to that Independent show with Keith Zimmer and Shaun Cummings on Saturday. Before the show, I hung out with Cody and Kelcie for a couple of hours. Then, I met my parents for dinner before going to the show. This one was called ECPW. Now, Keith and Shaun are my boys, but they have this habit of trying to make themselves more important than they really are. Especially when it comes to pro wrestling. Keith was bragging for months that ECPW had a lot of big stars involved. He acted like he was the booker for the entire thing. Well, the fact of the matter is this. Keith isn't as important to ECPW as he thinks. Basically, the actual booker tells Keith to do this or that and Keith does it. Some of these jobs are to collect tickets, get water or beer for the wrestlers, help them find their hotel, stuff like that. Stuff that anybody with two hands and a brain can do. As far as their big stars go. There was a former WWE wrestler called Nunzio at the event. He was nice and signed for me, but that was their only big star that night. ECPW lost a ton of money putting on that show for Binghamton. Only 99 people showed up. Also, the ring looked to be in poor condition. The canvas was taped up due to all the rips it suffered. Their sound system was also a problem due to the fact that they really didn't have one. They used a CD player and a microphone. Long story short, it was unorganized and poorly performed. It was unprofessional. Keith's lips are planted on the booker's ass 24/7 and I don't really see what's so special about the booker at all. Keith's a good guy, but I honestly don't see ECPW going anywhere. The wrestlers themselves were good. They were extremely nice too. Keith, Shaun, and some of the guys that performed that night went out to dinner with us. Keith covered me, which I appreciated. We ended up coming back to Cortland at 3:30 in the morning. The next day, I did my thing and returned to the room later on. When I did, the first thing I noticed was that my roommate had a sling on. He separated his shoulder during his football game. It's gotten better, since then, but he couldn't play in his game, today. My grandmother sent me some money, so I could do my laundry. I also finally gave in and told my dad that I was in desperate need of cash. He said no problem and put some money in my account. So, I went out drinking with Keith, Shaun, and their friend, James who also went to the ECPW show. I noticed a few perks when hanging out with Keith and his friends. The important one being that they usually have a couple pretty and single girls around. Going to the bars in Cortland is no different than going to the bars in Binghamton. Except for the fact that beer is cheaper in Cortland. Usually, when I go out to a bar, I'm looking to hook up with someone. Nine times out of ten, that usually doesn't happen. However, it's especially hard to do that when Shaun's fat ass is being loud and degrading the girls around us. So, I didn't have any success with that, last night. Sometimes, going out by myself benefits me better. The Ultimate Fighter: Season 8 starts this Wednesday on my birthday. Speaking of UFC, Brock Lesnar's fighting my favorite UFC fighter, Randy Coture. That's not until November, though.

Could've Been Better

I ended up going to Candor for the weekend. Seth called me up around 1:00 in the afternoon. Him and his family were going to the New York State fair and they had an extra ticket. They picked me up at the college. I met Danny's girlfriend's cousin and her boyfriend. Sadly her boyfriend's a douche bag. Nobody in the family likes him. I didn't see anything wrong with him at first, but then he flipped out over something stupid and I saw their point. Anyways, Seth's mom asked if I'd like to stay over at Candor for the rest of the weekend. I jumped at the opportunity. I hadn't been in Candor in months. We got back to Candor a little after 11:30 at night. Seth's brother and Marcy came home shortly after us. I could tell Marcy missed me. She smiled brightly and gave me a big hug. The next night, we went to this drive-in movie theater. The movies that I chose to watch weren't that good. Also, I prefer a regular movie theater. There's less distractions. So, that was kind of a bust, but whatever. It got me off the college and saved me from what could've possibly been a boring weekend. Labor day was nothing special. I came back to the college and just watched TV. Still, my labor day was better than my roommate's. His girlfriend's been jealous of his good friend, Kristi. Kristi was the first person I met at Cortland. She's a nice girl. Anyways, she has a thing for my roommate, Joe and she admitted it last week. Joe doesn't like confrontation, so he's been hanging out with Kristi at nights. He finally told his girlfriend about it and she wasn't too happy. He's been sucking up to her all week and now he's avoiding Kristi. He did nothing wrong from my point of view, but when I discussed this with Robin, she basically said, "He had to have done something wrong if he was sneaking around." So, I really don't know who's in the right. Also, Cody's girlfriend, Kelcie's upset that she's gonna lose him. Kelcie's already thinking about the future and her dream is to get a degree in film, then move to California. Well, Cody wants to stay in New York. He basically said that when she moves, their relationship will be over. I think he's being a stubborn bastard, but that's just me. Basically, this week could've been better for a number of reasons. This weekend, I'll be in the Binghamton area. I'm gonna check out that Indy show, then I'm coming back to Cortland later that night. Sunday, I'm gonna TRY to see Unforgiven. It's not looking good at the moment, though. Worst case scenario, I wait for the DVD to come out.