When Reality Was Real

This week hasn't been too bad. In fact, things have been pretty good. The impact from Cody's Birthday party stayed with me for most of it. Thanks to Chris (and a little effort from me), Dan and Bridgette are dating. That's really good for him. Dan deserves to be happy. Although I've been friends with Chris for years, I've really come to respect Dan a great deal. We have a few important similarities, which is what I like. Even though I promised myself that I wouldn't let myself get sucked back into that ridiculous reality show, A Double Shot At Love, I did end up watching it near the end. That's Seth's fault. Man, this season was even more ridiculous than the last season. Two twins are "looking for love". At the Finale, both of them "fall in love" with the same guy. Big surprise there. The worst part about it is that they led a beautiful single mom on throughout the entire show. Well, the guy they both "loved" is a moron. He picked one of them and the other twin cried and became jealous. Again....BIG FREAKIN' SURPRISE THERE! I think both the twins are immature, shallow, sluts just like Tila Tequila. They're so freakin' rediculous that I want so badly to find them and scream at them about how they're immature, shallow, little girls that only wanted their fifteen minutes of fame. I talked to Denna, today. Because her husband's a moron, she might not be coming up to New York, this week. There was a time that I was bitter towards her. I was disappointed in myself as well. I felt like I had been played. It's happened before. I've said things that I didn't mean at the time. I've apologized for them and I've also received several apologies from Denna for everything. While we were talking, she showed me a few videos of her and her husband. I'm not a big fan of her husband due to jealousy and the fact that I haven't really heard good things about him. Still, as she's showing me these videos, every memory that I ever had, just hit me. The thing about Denna was that she wasn't "the one that got away." She was the one that left. I didn't approve of the choice that she made, but it wasn't my choice to make. After talking to her and watching those videos, made me miss her incredibly. Hell, even if she does come back to New York, things won't be like they were. There'll be barriers that weren't there before. Still, it kills me how close we were to dating. It's frustrating as hell to get so close and have the same thing happen every freakin' time. Danny's party is tomorrow. Hopefully, there will be girls at this one that aren't too young or taken. Hell, just as long as tomorrow's party was as good as Cody's Birthday party, I'll be very satisfied.

Back To Being Me

I've always said that I'm my own worst enemy. The past few weeks, I've been a shell of my former self. This weekend, I started to return to who I am. I hung out with Aaron and Marcy on Friday, which meant that I was drinking. The hangover sucked the next day, but it went away after two Ibuprophens. Saturday was Cody's birthday party. After the last party, I'll admit that I was a bit unsure how this one would turn out. This party was a hell of a lot better than the last one. Apparently, these girls remember me from telling them an epic story about a shirt I got, last year. I don't remember that story or even meeting these girls, but they remember me. Too bad the one girl was only 17. The other girl was of age, but she had a cool boyfriend named Jerimiah. Her name was Samantha. Jerimiah and I talked a bit, then I talked to Sam. At one point, she grabbed Danny and dragged him into the hall, because something was bothering her. I was nervous that I might've said something stupid without realizing it like I did, last Saturday. When we were outside, I asked her if I said or did anything wrong. "Oh, no Jerimiah likes you. It was Just that....that Paul guy is a bit grabby and Jerimiah was nervous that he'd try to touch me," was her answer. Unfortunately, Paul is starting to get this reputation as being the loud, drunk, annoying guy that's all touchy-feely. Basically, he's being "that guy". When we went back inside after smoking either a cigarette or cigar, she sat on Jerimiah's lap, pointed to me, and said: "I like him." Man, that was a huge ego boost. All night long, I was making those guys laugh just by being me. That's how I used to be. I'd just make people at the parties laugh and have a good time. Sam is freakin' amazing. It almost kills me that she's taken. She's very attractive and I really dig her personality. Paul was trying to pick her up, but he's "that guy", so it didn't work. Last night's party was exactly what I needed. Things are starting to be like they were. Tonight, was the big superbowl. Unfortunately, the Giants weren't part of this one. Still, the game was very close and very good. I'm not a football fan, so that speaks volumes. Next week, the party's gonna be Friday instead of Saturday. Danny promised that there'd be beautiful, single, girls that are of age at this one. He better be able to deliver true to his word, because it's been a long time. This weekend's been the best one in a long time and I need to continue to keep my morale up. Hopefully, the same girls that were there, yesterday will be there on Friday. Either way, I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It was just a very long tunnel.

New People, Same Drama

It took me a while to realize it, but the drama has returned. At BCC, the drama never fades. Even if the people who create it leave, it still hovers around. The worse part about it is that I'm starting to get sucked into it again. There was a time when I found the drama entertaining. But, ever since going to Cortland, I've gotten used to not being around it as much. Now, I'm back at BCC. The drama's still here. I've said that I'm not perfect countless of times. I know that sometimes without meaning to, I can cause drama. However, I always try to clean up after myself. Why can't people just grow up? The main person responsible for most of the drama around here is Bridgette. Even when she's not here, she still creates drama. I'm still kicking myself for sticking up for her back in 2006. I should've just let my friends keep on harrassing her. Instead, I screamed at them and made a stand. They backed down, but Bridgette remained being Bridgette. At the last party over at Danny's, I made a poor comment directed at Cody and Kelcie. Although, I wasn't serious, it still had an impact on them. I apologized to both of them and we're fine now, but when I talked to Kelcie, I told her about my past conversations with Denna. Denna's been in one of her moods, lately. She mentioned that someone told her that Kelcie didn't really like her and was only nice to her in person. I didn't get a name out of her, but Kelcie had an idea of who it was. "It's Bridgette! She must've told Denna that!" she screamed in rage. The part about it is that it's not true. Kelcie really is Denna's friend. Although I can't prove that Bridgette really said that to Denna, it does make sense. Back in the summer, Denna called me, because Bridgette found out about the stuff we were doing. Bridgette wanted her to tell Dan and Chris, because "Chris has always wanted to put me in my place." I called those guys up immediately. I knew better than to believe Bridgette, but I still had to let those guys know that they are and always will be my boys. When I told Chris what Bridgette had said, he got very pissed. Bridgette tried to drive a wedge between the three of us. Obviously, it had failed. Still, she tried to turn my friends against me. So, it wouldn't surprise me if she was doing the same thing to Kelcie. However, Kelcie happens to be a girl and she can break Bridgette in half. Kelcie started to ask me to do impossible things for her at Cody's birthday party. Things like hold Cody back while her and her friend Clarissa jump Bridgette. I told her that there was no way in hell that I could do that. Bridgette deserves anything she gets, but there'll be a time and a place for it. Violence is pointless. If Kelcie really wants vengeance, she should find a more satisfactory way. I already talked to Dan and Chris about it. I told them to help me make sure nothing went down on Saturday IF Bridgette should show up at the party. I don't even know if she's coming or not. Hopefully, she won't be there. Today, I was hanging out with Dan when a girl that I'm not familiar with, came over and gave him a hug. It turns out that this girl has a crush on Dan. For some reason unknown to me, he says that he's not ready for a relationship. I don't see what the problem is. She's a nice girl. Again, I can predict what will happen if Dan doesn't snap out of it. He'll finally be ready for a relationship with her and it'll be too late. She'll be dating someone else that's a complete asshole. It's happened to me, it's happened to Chris, it's happened to all of us. It's not a good feeling. In fact, it's probably the worst pain I've ever felt. But, it's up to him. It's just that he doesn't deserve that pain. When I talked to Denna on Tuesday, we reminisced about how things were last spring. Both of us wanna go back. There'd be some minor changes. I'd probably have "officially" hooked up with Denna. I wouldn't have gone to work at that stupid camp. I'd have gotten my degree at BCC and I wouldn't have screwed up in Cortland. I would've worked with my dad over the summer. I'm sure there would've been some problems, but things would've been a little better. However, things are what they are. If things were different, I'd probably not have known about the stuff with Kara. I sure as hell wouldn't have been put in the International dorm at Cortland, so I'd have never met Joe or Kristi. Things are a bit rough, right now. But, things could've been worse and I'm sure there's a reason why things happened the way they did. Things are slowly getting better. I just have to be patient. Soon, I'll be back on top again.

Hard Times

Things haven't really improved much. In fact, things have gotten worse. My dad found out about my academic suspension. As a result, he gave me the whole "disappointed" speech and suggested my best course of action. Not only that, but paying for college has just gotten harder. I can't remember things ever being this bad. I've been in some tight spots before, but this one's been the worst. I honestly don't know how I'm gonna bounce back from this, right now. It's time that I swallowed my pride and admit that I need help. Unfortunately, asking for dad's help is out of the question. I may have to talk to the counselors at BCC, this week. There are some high points. When I came back to BCC, several of my lady friends pounced on me when they saw me. Then, I got to hang out with Dan and Chris. It seems like it's been forever, since I got to hang out with those guys. Last year, I hung out with Dan and Chris. They've always been there. Nate made a comment, today. He said that getting Dan and Chris to fight my battles was a pussy move. He just doesn't get it. Dan and Chris don't fight my battles for me. We fight our battle TOGETHER! If you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us. My prediction is that before the semester is over, Nate and I will come to blows. Denna's coming back and I know Nate'll try something. When he does, the three of us will be there to stop him. I've noticed that ever since coming back home, any problems that have been going on, have faded away. Cody and Kelcie almost broke up over Christmas and things were getting rocky between them. Then, I came home and started hanging out with them. Things have improved greatly between them. Everything just seems brighter. I just wish this dark cloud that looms over me would fade in the background. It's hard to have a positive perspective on all of this. Hopefully, my friends will be able to keep my morale up. The night's darkest before the dawn.

New Years Day 2009.

I've been home for a few weeks now. A lot has gone on. I'll start with all that's been happening with me. Due to a lot of factors that I don't feel like getting into at this point, I'm not going back to Cortland. Tomorrow, I'm gonna re-transfer to BCC. I made a lot of stupid decisions, this year. Most them have already came back to bite me in the ass. As much as I loved it at Cortland, it feels right for me to go back to BCC. I have unfinished business over there. I can finally get my associates' degree. Also, I'll have more time to hang out with my friends. Stacey's leaving New York in March, so it'll be great to be able to spend a couple more days with her until then. Steph's coming home in 12 days and she owes me a day to hang out. Denna and I straightened things out, so the bitterness has left me. She's coming back to New York for a while. I haven't really hung out with the people that I wanted yet, but there'll be plenty of time. I have hung out with Seth, Danny, Cody, and Kelcie. Kelcie and I talked over the phone a couple days ago. She's really upset at the fact that Bridgette's back in New York and keeps on calling Cody. She's even more upset at the fact that Cody defends Bridgette. I can see where she's coming from along with everyone else. She's voiced her concerns to me, Jay, and Danny. Kelcie asked me a question that caught me off guard. She asked me if Cody ever cheated on her, could she cheat on him with me. I told her that I'd get back to her on that one. She says that she didn't mean it. She said she was joking, but I'm not so sure about that. Kelcie's a beautiful girl and Denna was originally trying to hook her up with me. But, I couldn't do that to Cody. He may be making some stupid decisions, but I wouldn't be able to do that. I'm not sure if I would've been next in line if Kelcie wasn't dating Cody. Still, they're both good friends of mine. This week, I'm at Seth's place. On Tuesday, we watched an episode of that Double Shot of Love reality show. It's just as bad as when Tila Tequila was the host. This time, there's two twins that are both looking for love. Again, it's pathetic and of course I'll be tuning in next Tuesday. Last night, was New Year's Eve. We had a small party at Seth's again. His brother Aaron got drunk and threw all the party snacks at me. It's been a while since Aaron's gotten that drunk. Today has been boring. Tomorrow, Seth and I are gonna do something to make up for the fact that he couldn't do anything for his birthday, today. We don't know what yet, but our morning's pretty booked. As far as my resolution's concerned, it's pretty simple. My resolution for 2009 is to work out and get in shape. It's about time I worked on my image a bit more. Who knows? It could go a long way. 2008 was a pretty good year. Hopefully, 2009 will be even better.

ECPW VS. 2CW.

The finals are almost set for the Ultimate Fighter: season 8. This is the first time that I've actually wanted a season to be over because it sucks. Just as long as Antonio Nogueira dominates Frank Mir, I'll be happy. I'd be happier if Junie gets eliminated either by Dana White or someone from Team Nogueira. Last night was the first Cortland ECPW show. In my opinion, it went a lot better than the first Binghamton show that they did. The main event certainly didn't disappoint. Of course Zimmer thought it could be a lot better. Still, he thinks that ECPW's better than 2CW. I'm not too sure about that. It seems like ECPW has more bad nights than 2CW does. Zimmer sort of has a grudge against 2CW. I guess he tried to get a job over there, but they didn't hire him. He did get a job with ECPW and no matter how badly they suck, Zimmer will always say they're better than 2CW. 2CW is trying to be more like the original ECW from back in the day and in my opinion, they're succeeding. Zimmer thinks just because they have guys like "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka and Kamala work for them, makes them better than 2CW, who will bring in guys like Spike Dudley, Samoa Joe, and the Blue Meanie. Well, I've seen Snuka and Kamala both wrestle in the last couple of months and it's time that they hung up their boots. They were HORRIBLE! They were good back in the day, but not so much anymore. Don't get me wrong, they were nice guys, but they should retire. Also, they may be legends, but neither one of them or half of the "Legends" that work for ECPW won the WWF Championship back in the day. ECPW deals with has-beens, while 2CW deals with guys that can still go. It's only because I'm friends with Zimmer that I kept on going to the ECPW shows. They are getting better each time. I'll give them that. I'm a bigger fan of 2CW, but I like the guys in ECPW too. The show last night wasn't half bad. They held a tournament, which was pretty entertaining. Kamala vs. Prince Akhannatan was horrid, but the Prince did a good job. The main event was freakin' awesome. Gino Caruso & Anarchy vs. The Army of Darkness tornado tag street fight. That one certainly didn't disappoint and it's comforting to know that Gino still has it. Their next show's in Binghamton in February. I don't know who their big name will be, but I'll be there regardless.

Thanksgiving Break.

There's only two more weeks left in the semester. I couldn't be any happier with that. I went on break earlier than I planned. Still, I needed to get out of Cortland for a few days anyways. I went back to BCC on Monday. I wasn't able to see Dan and Chris, but I saw a few more people than the last couple of times I've been there. At one point, I heard someone cry out my name. I snapped my head in the direction of the voice. This yellow blur is heading in my direction...FAST! She pounced before I could tell who it was. It was a good friend of mine. Apparently, I was missed more than I thought I'd be. So, I hung out with her and later on, Kara. Kara was generous enough to scratch my back and release some of the tension that I've been feeling. That was pretty-much my Monday. Tuesday, I didn't do a damn thing. Wednesday, one of the guys that works with my dad wanted to go hunting on Thanksgiving, so he came up on Wednesday. We all went out for dinner at this bar/restaraunt. The bar tender went to school with me, but she was two years below me. Later on, her best friend stopped by. Well, my friend wanted her. Unfortunately for him, the girls in Harpursville are smarter than him. He did get the bartender's number, but he wanted me to play wingman and get her number for him. I flat out refused. Still, we were there longer than we should've been. Thursday, Thanksgiving, we didn't end up going hunting, because we were out so late. I ended up hanging out with Kyle after dinner. We went to this hockey game in Binghamton. Man, did they suck. Friday, I did nothing. Saturday, my parents and I went to the bar. Yesterday, before leaving to go back to Cortland, I called my roommate to see when it was gonna be open. He informed me that him and Alicia were no longer together. When I saw him yesterday, he looked happier than he's been in months. Now that Alicia's no longer around, he's been hanging out with his second family. He's not the only one that seems happy that Alicia's no longer in the picture. I for one, was pleased to hear that he finally dumped her. I saw it coming. Apparently, a lot of people did. Personally, I'm looking forward to the changes. It looks like I'll see how Whitaker Hall was last semester after all.