Regrets.

Seth came up to my college, this weekend. We hung out with Zimmer, Cummings, and Hopkins. I forgot that no matter where Seth stays, it ends up becoming a mess. I'm not a neat freak by any means, but come on now. The guy's a freakin' pig. Anyways, Friday we went drinking with Cummings and Hopkins. That wasn't too bad with the exception that I almost got into a street fight. I had the numbers advantage, but apparently, Hopkins doesn't think so. He claims there were two more guys circling around me. Personally, I think he had double vision, because there were only two guys and only one of them was running his mouth. Forget that, though. That was a five minute deal and nothing went down. Before that even happened, I drunk dialed some of my friends. I only got a hold of one, which lasted five minutes. I apologized to her, yesterday. The rest of the weekend wasn't anything special. My roommate came back, yesterday and this time, he didn't have a sling on his arm. I started to think about all the conversations that we've had about girls and I realized two things. The first one being that I have bad taste and the second one being that I have the worst luck with them. I didn't get my first girlfriend until 9th grade. That was stupid, because there was no love there. It was just getting a girlfriend for the sake of getting a girlfriend. I was in way over my head. There were girls in high school that liked me, but I didn't feel the same way. There were a couple exceptions, though. Ashley started to become attracted to me around our senior year. Back then, I was the man. Hell, I was just being my old, smart-ass self, but it made her smile and that meant the world to her. But, I was immature back then. I had no interest in getting a girlfriend then. By the time I was, it was too late. I still remember the pain. Then, she dumped her boyfriend, but started to date another. She started treating me horribly. Her boyfriend and I hated each other for the longest time. Even when she broke up with him. Hell, I was still getting mistreated. Finally, I wrote her an e-mail explaining how I felt. She stopped treating me badly and started acting like a friend. We became close again. Sometimes, I still read the letters that she wrote to me back in 2004 and 2005. I usually read them when I need to be reminded of who I am. We were extremely close, back then. Then, Larry entered the picture. At first, things were still good. Then, it was whatever Larry wanted. Whatever might upset Larry, had to go. So, although we've tried hundreds of times, things haven't and never will be like they were. I can accept that. It just amazes me that two people as close as Ashley and I were...are now almost strangers to one another. Ok, moving on. Making out with this nasty chick at a bar wasn't really a wise move on my part. That just screams out desperate. Believe me, I was. In 2007, it looked like there was a light at the other end of the tunnel. In February, I got my second girlfriend. However, it was short-lived. She dumped me three days after I asked her out. She has a lot of issues. I don't really talk to her anymore. Then, in 2008, I started going to the bars. I met a 28 year old there, but that's pretty-much a dead-end. Actually, if I could go back, I definately wouldn't have been at that particular bar on that night. Around the same time, I met Denna. At first, I thought Denna was incredible. I thought she could do no wrong. Man, did I get taken for a ride on that one. She basically cheated on her fiance with me. It was only when certain people got involved with our business that she stopped. In fact, she avoided me like the plague for a few weeks. She talks to me once and a while, now. But, at the end of the day, she's disloyal to whoever she's around. I skipped ahead a bit. There was one more girl during my senior year. I was hanging out with some of my boys, during the night of one of our wrestling matches. We still had a few hours before we had to be in the locker room, so we were just hanging out in the hallway. This blonde JV Cheerleader approached us and started to give the guys hugs. "These are for luck," she explained. She hugged me and I was just being a smart-ass and said, "how about a kiss?" Without missing a beat, she gave me a peck on the cheek. She hung out with us until it was time for us to get ready. I did lose my match, but it was one of my best ones. I only lost by three points. The next few weeks after the match, I'd see her occassionally. I was heading to study hall one day and she was standing next door. She playfully slapped my arm and said "you never say hi to me, when you see me,". I apologized and assured her that I would from now on. Her next words caught me off guard a bit. "Um...do you think I could call you, sometime?" she asked. I said sure and gave her my number. I was living with my grandparents at the time. It was a Friday and I was visiting my parents on the weekends. I told her to call on Monday, because I'd be home. Before she called me, she gave me a note. Apparently, she did some background info on me. Her foster mom used to be my bus driver. In fact, she was my favorite bus driver. So, she heard a lot of good things. She called me every night. Her older sister was in my grade. In fact, I think she liked me too. I was friends with the Varsity Cheerleaders, so it wasn't hard to get some info on this girl. Her name's Christina and around that time, she was 14 years old. Now, you see the problem. I was 18 and about to graduate high school. On Valentine's Day, Christina gave me a heart-shaped tin box. Inside, was a lot of hard candy and a small gold box wrapped in a red ribbon. I opened the gold box and there was more hard candy. At the bottom of the gold box, was a wallet size picture of her taped at the bottom. I couldn't get the tape off, so I ended up throwing that out. Christina was a pretty girl, but the age thing made me uncomfortable. One day, she was trying to get my attention. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" I snapped. She laughed nervously and said hi. I said hi, gruffly and went back to ignoring her. I ignored her for the rest of the year. We'd pass each other in the hall. I'd glance at her, but quickly turn my eyes away. She'd always have the same look on her face. She'd bite her bottom lip and gaze at me. I'm no mind-reader, but I'm pretty sure I could've guessed what she was thinking. "If only he'd talk to me again." I feel bad, now. I wish I handled things differently. In 2005, I ran into her at the homecoming dance. I went over to talk to her. She asked me to save a dance for her. I went with Stacey, but she was cool about it. I danced with Stacey a few times. Then, I scanned the crowd looking for Christina. When I found her, we danced. I apologized for my actions and explained why I acted the way I did. She said it was alright. I still have a picture of us from that dance. I see her once in a while. Christina's definitely a sweetheart. Not once did she ever show any malice towards me and believe me, I deserved it. She never had any hatred in her eyes whenever she glanced at me. There was sadness, though. Christina's now 19 years old. She's just as beautiful now as she was back then. But, she works two jobs and has a boyfriend. Just like with Ashley, it's too late. I'm 23 years old. If Christina and I were going out, no one would say a word. Back then, everyone and their brother would've ridiculed us. I'll admit straight up that if I had the chance, I'd date Christina in a heart beat. I called her, yesterday. She said that she was very busy, but to call her on Tuesdays or Thursdays when she's not busy. I'm gonna call her, tomorrow and see if she'd possibly hang out with me sometime. I haven't really been a good friend to her, but it's never too late to start. Even though she accepted my apology, it's not enough. I know I can be better than that. Back in high school, she said that even if we didn't date, she still wanted me as a friend. It's about time I granted that wish.