Old Flames Extinguished

Recently, it's been brought to my attention that there really is something special about me. Helen's been trying to get me to see that for damn near three years. I didn't fully believe her. However, there's a lot of things that I can't explain. The biggest one being that no matter what I say or do to Tonya and Matthew, they stand beside me unconditionally. I can do no wrong in their eyes. They might not necessarily agree with how I handle certain things, but they're always there to support me. Matthew looks up to me more than any other kid that's been around me. Helen's boy, Jay does as well. I'm their hero. When I first got with Tonya, I had a few concerns. I wasn't sure about her son for one. Last time I was in a relationship where there kids involved, it was with Tina. We all know how well that worked out. I didn't wanna turn into that monster that I was when I was with her. Another concern was how I felt about Helen at the time. I never admitted this until now... the whole reason that I got with Tina was so I could still be close to Helen. It sort of backfired. I was accused by both Tina and her parents for still wanting to be with Helen. They were right, but I also wanted to be loyal to my then-girlfriend. They told Helen to stay clear of me, so Tina and I could be happy. We didn't talk, we didn't make eye contact, we didn't even act like we were in the same room. It killed me. What I didn't know was that it was killing Helen as well. So, both of us were happy when I finally broke it off after three months of hell. You would've thought that after going through what I went through, I'd have taken a break from dating. Nope, I got right back out on the market. About a couple months ago, I did confess to Helen the reason why I stuck it out with her sister as long as I did. Her response raised my confidence for several weeks. "I'm gonna beat you! Why didn't you tell me sooner? I would've been there!" she said smiling. Helen's one of the few people that has always believed in me. I remember stopping in to see her when she worked at the Family Dollar. I told her that she used to make me feel ten times bigger than I really am. She said "you're twenty times bigger than you think you are." Her daughter, Twila will cuddle right next to me when she gets home from school. Her and her cousins all have little girl crushes on me. Luckily for me, my concerns when I first got with Tonya were answered. Although, I liked Helen a couple years ago, I'm happy with Tonya. I will always care for Helen and I'll always be there for her and her kids. Just as she cares and is always there for me as well. She says I'm her brother. Since most of her family sucks, she could use a brother-figure like me. I'm growing to love Tonya more and more everyday. I said I wouldn't rush things in my next relationship and I'm keeping my word on that. However, if she's still with me around this time next year, I'm making that decision to spend the rest of my life with her. I brought up the past history with Helen for a reason though. A couple weeks ago, I found one of my old crushes on Facebook. Her name's Christina. She wasn't just the one that got away. She was the one that I LET get away. I met her my senior year in high school. I was chilling with the guys on the wrestling team. It was the second to last time that I ever stepped foot on a wrestling mat. She was a freshman on the cheerleading squad. She started giving hugs to the guys for luck. When it came time for me to get one, I jokingly asked about a kiss. She gave me a pec on the cheek without second thought. She hung out with us until it was time for us to go. I lost to my opponent, but it was only by a few points and it was one of my best matches. I held my head high. I'd pass her in the hallway from time to time. There was one day that I was on my way to study hall and she was standing outside her classroom. She saw me and playfully smacked my arm with her notebook. "You never say hi to me when you see me," she said. I apologized and said I would from now on. "Um... do you think I could call you sometime?" she asked. I said that she could and wrote down my number. I started getting phone calls every night from her. She'd write me notes, give me little gifts, hang out with me when we were waiting for practice, etc. So, what was the problem? She was 14 years old and I was 18. Even though she said she liked me, but was cool with just being friends, I was still uncomfortable with everything. So, instead of doing the right thing and just be her friend, I snap at her and ignore her. To her credit, she never said a bad word against me. She had every right to. She would just glance at me in the halls and bite her bottom lip. A few years went by and I ran into her at a dance. I had matured a little bit at this point and apologized for how I handled things. We even danced, that night. Still, I never did forgive myself for how I treated her. Part of me wanted a second chance, but I know deep down that I don't deserve it. I do want some closure. When it warms up, I'm gonna find time where her and I aren't busy and I plan on hanging out with her. Helen offered to go with me, but this is something I need to do on my own. When I found Christina on Facebook, some of those old feelings came back. I started to question whether I was happy with Tonya or not. Christina does have a boyfriend, but I never told her that I did in fact like her back. After talking to Helen, I took a step back and observed everything. Then, it hit me. Why fix what isn't broken? Tonya's been loyal, kind-hearted, and compassionate. She'd do anything for me. Why would I wanna ruin that? Until she does something to betray that trust, I'm not going anywhere. I owe Helen big time for helping me deal with this. I also owe her for meeting Tonya in the first place. I'm almost 100% positive that I found the right one.

A New Family

A few weeks ago, I met A girl over at Helen's. It just didn't happen to be the one that Helen originally was planning on hooking me up with. Turns out that Tonya was sick of Craig's alpha-male attitude and dumped his ass. You think I'd have learned from past experiences, but I never do. There was a reason why Tonya didn't take her eyes off me when I first met her. She thought I was hot. After I left, Helen had noticed that her eyes never left me. She took her aside and said, "You like him don't you?" Tonya apparently smiled and nodded. "He has a hot body doesn't he?" Helen added. Tonya still smiling, nodded. Helen smiled back at her and said, "I can get him here for you on Friday." So, that's who I met on Friday. I didn't wanna rush into anything, especially when she had a 6 year old kid. Well, after hanging out for a few hours, I spent the night. After going over there a few more times, it hit me that her and I were dating and this time, it was Helen that hooked us up. Since her husband's acting like a douche bag, the only time she can smile, is when she sees Tonya and I interact with each other. Tonya's incredible. She's much better than the last two girls I've dated over the last year and a half. I did have two major concerns. The first one being her kid becoming attached to me and then something happen where her and I break up. He did get attached, but things are going great between her and me. My other concern was actually my biggest. That concern was will my feelings for Helen get in the way of my relationship with Tonya. Tonya is also one of Helen's closest friends. So, we talk about her constantly. After the past few weeks, I realized that although I do like Helen and wished that things ended up differently, I'm just as happy with Tonya. I can co-exist with both of them. In fact, Tonya and I will playfully flirt with Helen and she'll flirt back. Over the past few weeks, Helen has said things to me that have raised my confidence to the sky. "You're really good with kids," "I trust you with my life", "I'd do anything for you, you're my brother!" are just a few examples of things she's told me. I would pace around trying to figure out why Helen never dated me if she really thought that I was this incredible, caring, individual. It hit me, last night. Because of her husband, her image on relationships is ruined. She knows that I'd have treated her real good and I'd always be there for her and the kids, but she didn't want a relationship. There is a ray of light, however. Helen looks up to me as a brother and her kids have taken to me as well. I'm like an uncle to them. Seeing how Tonya lives right above Helen, I can still be there for her and the kids. In a way, I already have been. There's this creepy old man that comes over to Helen's everyday to play with her daughter. This guy buys her stuff every freakin' day. Toys, clothes, shoes, books, all kinds of crap. He even bought a pool for the kids to swim in. Mainly, so he can watch Helen's daughter swim in it. One day, I saw him resting her feet on his lap outside on the railing next to the house. I almost said something. Here's how I sort of solved part of the problem. I've gotten Helen's daughter into wrestling and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. So, she'll be watching that when the pedophile comes around. He usually leaves after that. Helen has a big heart and is a bit too forgiving at times. That's the only reason why this pedophile's around, but soon he won't be. The other problem is Helen's husband. He's legit treating her and the kids like crap and he's cheating on her as well. There's no proof, but he hangs out with his ex a lot. In fact, he invited her to Highland Park on the Fourth of July WHEN HIS WIFE WAS GOING TO BE THERE TOO! To Helen's credit, she didn't make a scene. I forgot that because of her parents, she has a gift for putting on a fake smile. She also knows how gorgeous she really is. When her and Tonya went to use the bathroom, all Helen had to do was walk. Tonya told me there were six guys following them and checking them out. Helen knew exactly what she was doing. Tonya said that as soon as Helen has her own set of wheels, she's sending her husband packing. I hope she does it quickly. This week, Tonya, her boy, and I have made a small tradition of playing some of my old wrestling games before bed. The first time we did this, I stepped back and observed the scene. It was like we were a family. No, I'm not proposing anytime soon. We're sort of taking things slow. But, a lot of people say that they can see it happening. It's way early to tell though. Unfortunately, my father doesn't approve of this relationship. I could care less, but I could've done without hearing an hour and a half of the same crap about how I can do better. Honestly, I'm very happy with Tonya. I can come and go as I please, hang out with anyone I want, and she doesn't get jealous unless another girl makes a move on me. That damn-near happened on day #2 when her brother's now-ex girlfriend was around. She was stupid enough to tell Tonya that she'd jump my bones if she could. Tonya threatened her life. Most of Tonya's family didn't approve of her other ex-boyfriends, but they almost immediately liked me. I didn't do much, but stand there and talk to them a bit. They got in a brawl with other family members a couple weeks ago. They came out of it without a scratch. I think the damage was one swollen eye (Tonya's), a swollen hand, and a broken hand. On the opposite side, they looked like they were part of a horror flick. Her brother looked at me after the fight and said, "now that you're family, if you ever need it, I got your back, bro." I think I'll get along with them just fine.

She's Still Trying

Last night, 2CW had a special Monday night show. Kage and Sean Carr had a big match for the 2CW Tag Team Championships. After three months of chasing them, they finally got the win. The place erupted. I was with Swartz and our co-worker, Marty. Marty brought his 13 year old son and both of them had a blast. Marty noticed stuff at the show that I didn't even see. One of them was when Sean and Kage won the belts, someone in the crowd was so happy, that they were crying. I didn't see that, but Marty did. Now, we both work with Swartz and he would go nuts just for laughs at the warehouse. He's no different at a wrestling show. Marty and his boy were getting a kick out of him. I think Swartz has a bigger and louder mouth than I do. I never thought that would be possible. It was one of the best shows that I've been to. Before I went to that show, Helen and I were texting back and forth. I thought she needed a ride, so I headed over there after work. Turns out that she didn't need a ride and wanted to see me. She had other reasons for getting me to come out there. She has yet, another girl that she wants me to meet. Now, her track record hasn't been great for girls that she wanted me to meet and potentially date. Although, she never really hooked me up with Tina, she did think it was a good idea. It was far from it. However, I needed to make that mistake, because I was at the point where I was so desperate, I'd date just about anybody and Tina was proof of that. After three months of her and her parents' bullshit, I grew standards and had priorities as well as high expectations. I looked back at some of the girls that I had liked at one point only to realize none of them would've worked if I had actually officially dated any of them. Ashley Vincent, Denna, Kelcie, none of them would've worked. Ashley was too stuck up, Denna was untrustworthy, and Kelcie's a druggie who has slept with over thirty guys. Sure, Kelcie is a good friend of mine, but she's not exactly girlfriend material. Helen also thought it would've been good if I hooked up with this fat girl that was hanging out a lot at her sister's place. She wasn't behind that attempt, but again she thought it was a good idea. Helen IS responsible for attempting to hook me up with that Jamaica girl. The problem was Jamaica was plain, chubby, and worst of all, she was only 18 years old. I only date 23 and higher when it comes to the age situation. Reason being that most girls are mature and know what the hell they want by that age. Jamaica acted like all the other 18 year old girls that I've been around during my days at BCC. So, Helen's track record isn't good. But, she's still finding girls for me to meet. Obviously, I'd rather just be with her. But, that's not gonna happen anytime soon. Helen still feels bad for what happened with Tina and me even though it wasn't her fault. It wasn't Derrick Carvin's fault, it wasn't his wife's fault, it wasn't anyone's fault. Tina brought on everything herself and SHE'S the reason why we're not together. Still, Helen feels bad and she cares a great deal about me. She doesn't want me to be alone. So, she keeps coming up with girls to meet until there's one that clicks. The sad truth is that most guys like me usually end up alone. Guys like me get played, used, walked on, stabbed in the back, and taken advantage of all the time. So, we stick with our close friends that we can trust and fly solo. I explained this to Helen, but she insists. I did agree to meet her friend on Friday. She refused to show me a picture, because she'll think I'll get all dressed up and nervous. I laughed at that one. I don't get nervous when it comes to meeting new girls. I know how to treat them, so there's nothing to be nervous about. Either things will spark and go like she plans, or things will just stay the same. I'm fine with it either way. While I was there, Tina was also there with her new boyfriend. I didn't bother warning him. He'll figure it out the hard way just like I did. Helen also had two of her friends there as well. They're a couple that just recently started dating. I'm not sure how much Helen had to do with that one. She might not of had anything to do with it at all. Their names are Craig and Tonya. Craig has this alpha-male personality that I usually wouldn't agree with, but I don't know him all that well yet and he's a friend of Helen's. I doubt she'd let him hang around if he was an asshole, then again she did marry Pat. Tonya couldn't take her eyes off me. I didn't think anything of it. Denna did the exact same thing back at BCC in 2008. So, I should've known there was a reason for it. Helen texted me yesterday that Tonya thinks I'm very good looking. I'm not sure why Helen's telling me this. She has this girl for me to meet on Friday and Tonya's with Craig. Unless there's more to the story than she's telling. When she tried hooking me up with Jamaica, all I had was a time. I didn't have a name, day, or place. This time, I have a day and place. I guess the time doesn't matter. Once I get out of work, I come home, clean up and head over there. Hopefully, this time it will be different than the last time Helen was around when I was meeting a girl that she thought would be a good match for me.

Bigger Than Superman

It's been another interesting week. I helped my dad out on Saturday and Sunday. Since it was Father's Day on Sunday, I hung out a little longer than I usually do. Afterwards, I went to Great Bend to Helen's work and surprised her. She was beamning when she turned around and saw me. I finally told her what I've wanted to say, since last year. "You're actually twenty times better than you think you are," was what she told me in response. It's no wonder why I'm so damn attracted to her. I talked with her for a good hour and a half before leaving to go home. This week was interesting. With Cliff Ruby back, it's almost like these guys don't need me. But, they'll never make me feel that way. They find things for me to do at work. Dave assured me that I was going to be on 1st shift regardless of what happened. I'm glad that I have my life again. Just because things are going well with me, doesn't mean that they're going well for everyone else. As much as I care about Robin, there are times that she can be immature and ridiculous. Tuesday was one of those days. Her twenty-two year old boyfriend went to a funeral, came back, and didn't want to be in a relationship with her. Robin 's personality is pretty extreme. So extreme, that the only person she has to vent on is... me. Everyone else just up and left. She wanted me to help her make him want to stay with her. I told her hundreds of times that you can't control how people feel. She didn't want to hear it. I held back a lot of what I wanted to tell her. Although, I did spit out a couple thoughts that I thought she should hear. She kept calling him her "soul-mate". I wanted so badly to say, "look, he ain't your damn soul-mate if he doesn't wanna be in a relationship with you". But, I didn't. I just rolled my eyes, but she didn't notice. Robin is very controlling. Sometimes, too damn controlling. There's not too many people that will put up with that. I know ways around it, so it doesn't bother me too much. I haven't heard anything from her lately, so I'm guessing that they worked things out. It is what it is and to be honest, I could care less either way. From my past experiences, most people don't really start to "grow up" until around the age of twenty five and higher. On Friday, I went to see the new Superman movie, Man of Steel. There's a bit of controversy surrounding the ending. Superman has General Zod in a headlock, so Zod fires his laser eyes at the wall surrounding a family. To save the family, Superman snaps his neck, killing him. Apparently, a lot of hardcore Superman fans were upset because, "Superman doesn't kill." I've read a couple of articles that have some valid points to the argument. In Superman II, Superman has Zod's powers released from him and shoves him down the bottomless abyss in his Fortress of Solitude. No one had an issue with THAT ending. My guess is that the Man of Steel's killing of Zod was a tad bit more brutal and graphic, that it was the main issue why people didn't like it. To me, the ending made sense. Zod was out of control and wanted to kill all human life on the planet. Superman made a choice between his one rule and his promise to help the people of Earth whenever he can. I was fine with the ending. What kills me is that they were upset with his killing of Zod, but they were fine with the scene where he's watching a baseball game in the kitchen of his house and he's drinking a beer. They may argue it's a soda bottle, but I know my beer lables. Superman's drinking a Budweiser. What, it's ok for him to drink a beer, because he's an alien and aliens can't get drunk? Give me a freakin' break. Personally, I don't care what the hell he drinks. It's just that if you're gonna bitch that he's breaking his one rule, then you might as well look at his other flaws as well. Otherwise, just shut the hell up and move on. I remember when I saw the first trailer for that movie. It had Russell Crowe's voice in the background of the scenes. You didn't even know it was a Superman movie at first. Until you saw the Man of Steel title, then Superman's rocketing up to the sky. That's all I needed to see to wanna see that movie. Of course, they made more trailers as it got closer to the release date. Personally, there are certain movies that it helps to have more than one trailer for, but then there's some movies that only need one trailer and it can be very brief. This was one of them. I hate it when there's several trailers, because it seems like I've seen half the movie before even getting in the theater. In the trailer with Russell Crowe's voice in the background, he's telling Superman that the people of earth with look up to him. "They'll rise behind you, they will stumble... they will fall. But in time, they will join you in the sun. In time you'll help them accomplish wonders." It got me thinking that quite a few of my friends come to me for help. They look up to me, depend on me, they expect me to do the right thing by them. I'm no Superman and they know this.In fact, one of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies, Angus has a scene where his grandfather says, "Superman's not brave. He's invincible... and you can't be brave if you're invincible." There are people that are strong in their own way and I have to agree are braver than Superman. At the same time to them, I am Superman. I'm the knight in shining armor riding up on a white horse. Kelcie, Robin, Helen, Steve Whipple and his girlfriend, Jeff Greeno, and Nic Marques are a few that come to mind. Although, I don't really talk to Nic anymore, I helped him a couple times. I've always tried to conduct myself with honor and dignity. I wanted to have an aura around me that everyone saw. Chris Benoit had this aura whenever I watched him in WWE. He commanded respect just by his mere presence and he got it. Anyone and everyone that saw him, knew he was an honorable man. They knew they could trust him. It's a shame that his memory is tarnished by the tragic incident that happened in 2007. I still don't believe that he could be capable of something like that. That's what I want. I want my actions be noticed and heard, so that where ever I go, everyone knows who I am and what I stand for. To Helen and a few others, I'm already looked at in that way by them. I can tell, because they'll light up. The whole room will be lit. There are times that I'll be walking in a store or down the street and I get a few glances as if they're wondering what I'm all about. It worked with Denna back in 2008. She found me mysterious and wanted to know more about me. She'd glance at me every day until finally getting the courage to wave at me. I don't know why Helen would continue to talk to me after telling me that she wasn't looking for a relationship, but I know that she's not regretting it. I remember coming back to BCC after I flunked out of Cortland. There were a lot of new faces. Some of them talked to my friends and they told them who I was. Some of them walked up and shook my hand, told me who they were. When Denna dated Cory Cook briefly, she told him that I was the one that had to accept him. How Superman does it, I'll never know. He has many more people looking up to him than I do. But, for those that do turn to me for whatever reason, I give them my word. I will never let them down.

Relaxed, But Still Ranting

I don't even know where to begin. Work's still going great. With the exception of that 19 year old worthless prick running into my pallets of load bars, I have nothing to complain about. The guy that I'm replacing is supposed to come back on Monday. He'll be on light duty for a while. My boss assured me that no matter what happens, I'm always going to be on 1st shift. Slowly, I'm getting my life back together. Tuesday, there was a memorial service for a person that my parents and I knew. Since, it was a Harpursville death, there were a lot of people from Harpursville that were there. Some that I haven't seen, since I graduated in 2004. My dad called for me to come over to the bar while I was talking to one of them. He introduced me to one of the indy wrestler's dads. Apparently, him and my dad were in the same Catholic school back in the day. So, I talked to him for a couple hours. He's trying to get my dad to come to the show on August 9th. I have a few mixed feelings about that. Dad will be entering MY world and I know he's not gonna like what he's gonna see. Mainly, me screaming like a lunatic. He's voiced many times that he finds that stupid, but I really don't care. It's a good time for me. Whether he's there or not, I'm still doing what I always do at shows. Speaking of shows, I went to the 2CW show on Saturday. My sinuses were acting up, but I still went and I still screamed. As a result, I had no voice the next day. Robin texts me that she needs my help as soon as possible. I asked what was wrong because I wasn't feeling that great. I had no voice, my sinuses were kicking my ass, and I didn't feel like going anywhere. She texts back that it's a matter between life or death. Again, I ask what's wrong. She texts back that her boyfriend of three years wants to break up with her. ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME??? THAT'S NOT A MATTER BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH!!! As much as I love Robin, she can be melodramatic at times. Without meaning to, she can exaggerate certain parts of a story. An example of this, is when Kara got in a car accident and was sent to the ER. Robin made it sound like she got disfigured in the accident and the doctors were trying to piece her face back together. Kara fractured the bridge of her nose and was a bit banged up, but she looked same as ever. When she talked to Kara's parents, she somehow made it sound like Kara was dying. As a result, Kara and Robin are no longer friends. Neither one of them is right on this issue, but that's irrelevant. Back to my story about her boyfriend wanting to break up with her. After calling Robin and asking for details, it sounds like this guy may be playing games. Can't prove it, but that's what it sounds like. After going to the memorial, I headed up to Robin's place. I asked what's going on and all I got was "It's personal, brah." So, either someone's in his head or he's going through a phase he's not familiar with. I know in the past that Robin's too controlling and he's not wrong on that. She can be very controlling and that's probably why most of her relationships don't last. She admits that she feels that she has to be dominant and look alpha 24/7. I've told her that's the most childish, immature thing I've ever heard and she just glared at me. So, I hung out with them for a half hour and went home. Apparently, that's all I had to do and things are slightly getting better. While I'm on this subject, I don't understand why these girls won't dump their loser boyfriends that just use them and/or make them feel like they're not good enough. These scumbags will go out and blatantly cheat on these girls, but they'll still be with them. I've been trying for almost a year now for Denna to dump her douche bag and she just won't. She said things like, "it's my fault he acts like that," "my heart just can't do it," "I gotta try harder." That's the biggest load of crap I've ever heard. Denna's not the problem for once. When Denna and I fooled around, we were both young and immature. Apparently, I'm the only one of the two of us that grew up. When I tell Denna she needs to leave this guy, she clams up and stops talking. One of these days, I'm just gonna go full throttle and speak my mind whether she likes it or not. I know it's not easy to dump someone. I lied to myself for three months when I was with Tina. But, it got to a point that I was sick of being a door mat and being lied to. I wasn't happy, things weren't going to get better, and if I didn't dump her soon, there would've been four dead bodies with their blood on my hands. I was happy with Colleen until she did me dirty. Because of my past relationships, I'm extremely picky on who I date and very shallow as well, but I don't care. I'm not expecting to date a super model, but I don't want some plain looking dumpy girl waddling beside me or a walking, talking, stick for that matter. Speaking of which, Kelcie has started talking to me again. Apparently, she wasn't mad at me as much as she was scared of getting what I have. This is both a good and bad thing. Good thing, because I can always chill with her whenever I need to kill time. Bad thing, because there's gonna be times she's gonna want me to go out and I'll have to work the next morning. Then again, with her working, maybe she'll give me a break now that she knows what it's like. We've been off and on as friends so many times, I'm at the point where if she wants to talk to me, then good. If she doesn't, then that's good too. She's told me about some of her bad situations that she's been part of in the past couple weeks. The thing is she allows herself to be put in those situations. Hell, she almost asks for them. So, my sympathy is not that high. Hopefully, she'll wake up and straighten her life out one day. I hope I'm there to see it.

Ages 18 And Up

it feels great to have a normal life again. As much as I liked working on 3rd shift, I'm happier that I'm on days again. Everyone's attitude is much better on 1st shift. Today, I was helping a couple of them unload some trailers when one of them said, "I can tell you like this shift better." I smiled and nodded before asking what gave it away. His answer was, "Because you fit in." That wasn't really too hard. I was so used to 3rd shift that random comments were just another day in the office. Everyone's been real cool. Joe Canfield's a good boss, but our boss, Dave Z is great. My first day on his shift, he called everyone in the office and told them to make sure I was comfortable on the shift. Unlike the guys on 3rd shift, they actually went out of their way to get to know me a bit. On top of that, they asked how I was liking my job, if I needed any help, etc. They've been real awesome. I can't complain too much. What I CAN complain about, is the fact that everyone's giving me too much credit for my kindness and good nature. I hate to inform them of this, but... I'm quite shallow. After some of the girls I've dated, it's no surprise. Now, Helen tried hooking me up with her 18 year old cousin. First of all, I don't date 18 year olds. Helen's not good at the whole match-making thing to begin with. She gave her cousin an age and me a time. That was it. It wasn't until AFTER I was supposed to meet her, that I got a name. I looked her up on Facebook. I failed to remember that a person's Facebook profile picture can lie. On her profile picture, she doesn't look 18 and she doesn't look chubby. So, I thought she was this tiny, adorable, blonde haired girl. Man, was I wrong. I took a look at some of her pictures the day before we were supposed to meet. She's a bit on the chubby side and she's plain looking. She's not my type. I still hung out with her though, but there was no spark. There was a spark with Helen. I don't know if she felt the same, but I definitely saw a spark. I was talking to one of my lady friends from BCC about this and she said that one of her co-workers is looking for a relationship and needs a date to her wedding. So, I looked HER up on Facebook and pretty-much fits the same description of Helen's cousin. She's very big and very plain looking. So, I'm looking very hard for a way to get out of it. So far, I'm going to try to get one of my lady friends to act like my "temporary girlfriend" for the wedding. This is one of the few times where being Kelcie's friend again would come as some use to me. Well, it'd sure as hell make things easier for me. If there's any need for even more proof why I'm so shallow and picky, I have the perfect story. One of my indy wrestler buddies is dating an 18 year old. He's somewhere around 38 years old. In my opinion, that's just dirty. So far, he's accusing other guys at trying to get with her. I think all they did was talk to her. It gets better than that. Keith Zimmer's best friend apparently tried to get with this girl. On top of that, there's a rumor going around that he's trying to hook up with a 14 year old as well. That would make him a pedophile. I'm not sure how true this rumor is, but I've heard if from more than one person. I can't remember if I ever mentioned Jeff Greeno a.k.a Anarchy on here before or not, but he does have a thing for stealing other people's girls. It almost got him in trouble a few years ago. Him and IB Green's wife were having an affair. Apparently, he thought that she would actually divorce her husband to be with him. There were a couple problems with that. For one thing, her daughter despised him. That alone was enough for the relationship to never work out. Eventually, everyone caught wind of that and Jeff went on an 8 month haitus from the indy scene. Apparently, when he returned, he tried stealing some of the students' girls and that has all recently bubbled to the surface. It reminds me of the situation between Denna and myself back in 2008. I was in the wrong. I know this now. I also know that I was naive to ever believe that her and I would ever get together back then. I was young and stupid back then. There was an indy show, last Friday. That was a lot of fun. One of the bad guy managers dumped his bottle of water on me. He knows me well, so he knew he could get away with it. Since I go to all the local shows around here, all the guys know me. Back in August 2011, there was an after-party of the show in Sidney. Everyone was invited. Wrestlers, fans, refs, workers, everyone. I was talking with the guys that were there hanging out. I was driving, so I was drinking coke. One of the wives came over and hugged me. "These guys love you. You make it fun for them," she said. It is true. I've even have other fans approach me and say that they enjoy watching me go nuts in the front row. After the show on Friday, I'm still drenched from the water, but I went up to the bad guy manager's wife and said, "I think your husband missed me." She laughed, hugged me, and said, "You were great! They all think the world of you!" I thanked her and said that I was glad it wasn't a Heinekin like last time. Someone took a picture of it. It came out pretty good. The manager came out and gave me a hug. We talked a bit, then I wished him a safe trip home. Those guys are class acts. They make sure everyone has a good time at their shows. It's just a shame that the next one of THEIR shows is in August. I always get a confidence boost after their shows. I think it's the atmosphere. I like ECPW's shows too as well as 2CW's shows. But, the feeling I get from Xcite shows is hard to explain. I'll be there in August. I'm really looking forward to it. It's always a pleasure.

Dark Days Have Arrived

I remember when I used to update this thing weekly. It's crazy to see how much I've changed. I've evolved into something even greater than what I was back then. So, how come I don't feel that incredible? 2012 was an awesome year for me. There were a few times that sucked, but those happen. Although, Helen and I never got together, we have a special connection that allows us to be friends. Still, I wish things had worked out differently. She's amazing. When I was taking her to her GED classes, her sister woke me up at noon to go get her. I was extremely tired, but I went to pick her up. When I arrived, she saw how exhausted I was and told me she would walk to her sister's. It was a five minute walk, so I said ok and left. I would always look the door in the bedroom that her sister let me sleep in, so the kids wouldn't be opening it and waking me up. I almost drift off, when I hear someone trying to open the door. I knew I locked it, so I pay no attention. That is... until the door opens and there's Helen with a butter knife. She jimmied the lock to check on me. That's when I knew that she legitimately cared for me. She leaned down, we hugged and gave each other a peck on the cheek, then she shut the door. When I was with her, I discovered things about me that I never knew. She has two kids and although I wasn't really a father figure with them, her son took to me almost immediately. Not sure why, but seeing how I'm a big kid myself, that could be it. Helen had a particular look that she'd give me when I was around. Somewhere around the lines of admiration and graciousness. Personally, I think she was scared about getting into a relationship after her marriage with her husband ended up being a complete disaster. She didn't want me to be alone, so her and her brother-in-law, Derrick who I worked with, had me meet her other sister, Tina. Tina had four kids that were all out of control except for the infant, and wasn't exactly the cleanest or brightest girl. But, when you're desperate, you'll lie and overlook just about everything. Which is exactly what I did. I overlooked how disgusting her parents house was, how out of control the kids were, how terrible human beings her parents are, and how incredibly dirty and stupid she was. Why did I waste three months of my time with this girl? Because Helen would occasionally come over there and tell me how proud she was that I was stepping up for her sister and the kids. Eventually, I had enough and just straight-up dumped her. Helen and I were still cool, which is all that mattered to me anyways. I'd sometimes take her to college in Scranton. As honorable as that may seem, it was also pretty stupid too. My car was six months past it's inspection and was slowly falling apart. I remember Helen waiting for her class to start in my Buick and we saw a parking meter cop. She mentioned that they can also arrest someone breaking the law. I said, "well that makes me all fuzzy inside seeing how my car's six months past it's inspection." She slowly turned to me with this expression that said, "are you nuts?" However, her next words caught me off guard. She said, "You did all this for me?" It's no secret that I like her a lot. About as much as I liked Denna or Kelcie. She ended up putting college on hold and got a job close to her place. I finished the year off and my Buick finally kicked the bucket. Hitting the deer and having a brake line break on me didn't really help that much either. My dad worked out a deal with me and sold me mom's 2008 Suzuki XL7 for $9,000. About a week after getting the vehicle, I went out to hang with Mike Sisson and Kelcie along with our friend from work, Greg Swartz. I saw Kelcie talking to this girl in the corner of the bar we were at. I walked over to see how Kelcie was getting home. She introduced me to the girl and we got to talking. Instead of taking Kelcie home, I ended up taking this girl home instead. One thing led to another and we were making out in my bedroom the next night. I had a girlfriend that I thought wasn't a complete psycho. Still, the similarities between her and Helen are scary. The hair color, facial structure, the way they talk, even their toes look similar. Her name's Colleen McGrory and like Helen, she's close to her sister, has a boy and a girl, just like Helen does. Some of the guys I work with thought that this girl was just a substitute, because I couldn't get with Helen. No, that's not the case. It's just a weird coincidence. Unfortunately, my relationship with Colleen only lasted three weeks and I was sick for one of them. She was sick for one of them, so there was no huge attachment. However, the disappointment I felt was huge. I might of recovered and still be friends with her if it weren't for one huge factor. A few weeks went by after I was sick, but I never made a recovery and most of the symptoms stayed with me. A blood test confirmed that I had Mono, the kissing disease. Not only did this girl play games, but she gave me a viral illness that never truly goes away. What's worse is that she hangs out with Swartz every week. If he gets hurt and she's the reason, I made a promise that I would make her life a living hell. Ever since she dumped me, I haven't been myself. I lost all hope in everything. To make matters worse, before I knew I had Mono, Kelcie and I made out. I called her to give her a heads-up and she freaked out. She no longer talks to me. Mike Sisson over-heard me tell Kelcie that I'm tired of him always bugging me to come out and drink, so he no longer talks to me either. Here's the part that's disturbing. I could care less about both. If that wasn't enough, I wrecked my Suzuki on Monday during a snow storm. The car is totalled. Yet, I don't have a scratch on me even though it tipped over on my side. The hits just keep on coming. It's taken a huge toll on my personality. Like I said before, I haven't felt like myself. There's only two things that can snap me out of this mind-set I'm in. Unfortunately, neither one looks like it's about to happen anytime soon. The first one being winning Helen's affection. I don't feel like Jack Sullivan when I'm around Helen. I'm something much more. I'm a knight, a savior, a hero. That's what I feel when I'm around Helen. But, she's about to get back with her ex-husband and before that, she didn't want a relationship. At least not with me anyway. The other solution is that Undertaker has to win at WrestleMania, this year. Swartz and I have discussed it and we have tickets, this year. We're going to WrestleMania in New Jersey. Undertaker's facing a former WWE & World Heavyweight Champion by the name of CM Punk. Since wrestling's scripted, there's already rumors that CM Punk will be the one to end Undertaker's undefeated streak. Then again, there were a few others that were said to end the Deadman's streak and he dropped every single one of them on their heads. I remember back in 2007, watching Undertaker defeat Batista for the World Heavyweight Championship. Everyone said that Batista was chosen to retain the title. Undertaker beat him. I still remember the feeling I had when Undertaker beat him and went on to hold the title for a few months. All was right with the world. When he beat Edge in 2008, I felt the same way. Not only that, but that was also when Denna and I were sort of seeing each other too. Again, all was right with the world. Last year, Undertaker beat Triple H in a Hell in a Cell match. Helen and I just met. She had been texting me every day since that first day. She asked me How was WrestleMania, this year. She was a bit of a wrestling fan too. I texted her back saying it was awesome and Undertaker won. So, why do I think that the rumors may be true, this time? Because I've seen pictures of The Undertaker lately. He looks tired and after his last match at WrestleMania, he probably has one more left in him. That and CM Punk is the only one that can withstand the hatred from all of the fans around the world. However, there's still that small ray of hope that The Undertaker will come through for me. Mostly, because he always has before. I need him to win this match badly. I'm not sure what a loss will do to me. He's gotta win. In a couple weeks, I'm going to see Helen and pretty-much tell her what I have put down here. It won't matter as far as her and I becoming a couple, but I'll get the satisfaction of knowing that she knows how much she means to me.

Familiar Situation

There's been so much going on, lately. April hasn't exactly been that great of a month. I did get to see WrestleMania, this year. I had to wait until Tuesday, but I saw it. Undertaker had another badass match with Triple H in a Hell in a Cell match and his record now stands 20-0. I was disappointed that John Cena didn't beat The Rock. Cena deserved the victory more than The Rock did. Cena's made movies (they sucked) but at least he never left the WWE to pursue an acting career. My main issue with The Rock is simply that he said the WWE was his home. He said he'd never leave the WWE. Then after WrestleMania 17, he leaves for a few months to be in The Mummy Returns. But, he came back. Then, after WrestleMania 18, he left to do a full length movie The Scorpion King, but he came back again. Then, he left again... and again... and again. Then, he just left... and never really came back. Before John Cena, they booed him whether he was good or bad. I was actually surprised that the fans didn't pull behind Cena in that match. Seemed to be 90% Rock, 10% Cena. I was part of the 10%. Then, Brock Lesnar returns the next night. He suffers 3 losses in the UFC and quits. I just shook my head. Then again, the fans didn't really like him much anyways and vica versa. Here's the funny part though. I respect Brock a hell of a lot more than I do The Rock. Brock never said that the WWE was his home and he'd never leave. After going to the last ECPW show, I noticed that one of my favorite wrestlers is using a WWE replica title for his Championship. I found out that there's no intentions of making a legit title for him anytime soon. So, I talked it over with my friends and we decided to change that. I made him a custom made belt that I had planned on presenting him on May 4th. Their next show. However, the belt is still not here and there's no sign of it coming here anytime, next week. The only plus side to this is that we can present it to him in his hometown of Sidney, NY. Now onto the main focus. Thanks to a co-worker, I met this girl. She happens to be his sister-in-law. This is the story that he told me. She was at his place and just randomly asks if he knows any single guys. He immediately thought of me. At first, I was hesitant. I know her ex-husband. He returned to Willow Run the day that I first started. I heard the story about what happened. The problem is that I only heard one side of it. Reluctantly, I agreed to meet her. There was no way of preparing for what happened. I took a liking to her. We went for a walk to one of her favorite spots in PA. It was a fun night. I returned to PA the next Friday. I brought her flowers, thinking that'd help my chances. It sort of did, but she said that she wasn't what I was looking for. Normally, I probably would've just moved on, but there was one problem. I couldn't get her off my mind. I was a miserable prick for the next week. It was so bad, I damn-near got involved in the Indy Pro Wrestling business. One of them offered to bring me to a show in Watertown instead. So, I took that offer. That was a badass show. That helped me get through the next week. Then, her and I started talking on a social network. Last Sunday, her son had a cut near his eye and had no way of getting him to a Dr. I asked if she wanted me to come and get them. She said yes, so I went and got them. Her car's out of commission and she needed a ride to classes in order for her to get her GED. I offered to take her. I've been doing that all week. Her kids, nieces, and nephews have all taken a liking to me. She look's at me the same way Denna did. We're also doing the same things that Denna and I used to do. This whole situation seems very familiar. My history with Denna has been documented. Half of 2008's entries are about Denna. Luckily I got over her real quick. It's been a long time since any girl's been on my mind as much as this one. The last girl that was on my mind like this was Denna. She always rushing me out the door when her ex-husband's on his way to visit the kids. She says it's so there's no issues between him and me. A couple red flags have already been raised. I don't want to go through another situation like the one I did with Denna. But, I also don't want this feeling to go away. It's the same feeling I had when I was with Denna. In fact, I forgot what that feeling was until this week. I feel like I've been here before. I'm not sure what my next move should be. All I know is I'm still being me. I'm being straight-up with her. Where it goes from here, I'll have to wait and find out.

A Special Someone.

I'm always surprised with how much difference a year can make. One of my greatest flaws is that I dwell on the past way too much. I can't get over how much has changed over the years. Then again, some things have stayed the same. One of my old co-workers from the shop disappeared for a few months. I thougth he was gone for good. Then, out of the blue when I needed someone to be my designated driver, he texted me. He agreed to be my designated driver and met us in Binghamton. I don't know why Binghamton celebrates St. Patrick's Day so early, but whatever. It was Kelcie, myself, and Nic who was the DD. Nic's hung out with Kelcie and me before. He knows (as does everyone else) how I feel about Kelcie. I think the guy's legitimately concerned about me. I think he's afraid that she'll push me off the edge. I honestly don't know what it is about, her, but she has me under some kind of spell. It's not the first time. There have been other girls that have had me under their spell. But I've broken free. With Kelcie, it's a lot harder. I know she and I will never be together, but I still cling on to that little bit of hope that's not there. Deep down, I think Kelcie does truly care about me. Her and I have a lot in common. We're both only children, we both love getting attention, and we're used to getting our way. Her and I have been through a lot. Both together and on our own. Her and I have had our disagreements. I don't know why, but no matter how bad it looks, she'll call me up after she's cooled down. There have been close friends that she's cut out of her life. She usually doesn't give second chances let alone several like I've been given. I just don't understand it. All my friends and even some of my family says that all she does is use me, but the problem with that theory is... she doesn't ask me for anything. Other than to pick her up. She doesn't ask me to pay for dinner, give her a massage, buy her things she wants. That's on me, not her. I'd do it for any girl that's with me. Hell, when I'd hang out with Denna, I'd pay for lunch or whatever it was. It's just that I'm usually always hanging out with Kelcie, so she reaps the benefits. Nic's trying to fix me up with one of his friends. I'm all for it, because at the end of the day, he's right. I'm not gonna find anyone by always hanging out with Kelcie. I love Kelcie and I'm glad we're friends, but I can't wait forever. I gotta take care of me. Of course, as I say that, I'm trying to convince myself of that more than anybody else. Kelcie and I will always be friends, but I'm wondering if she can cope with not having my full attention when I finally do find someone. I'll still hang out with her, but we won't be alone. And I won't be able to cover the bill. I just hope she'll be mature enough to handle that. If not, then bye bye, blackbird.

Three Weeks Of Hell

Damn, it's been a while since I've updated this thing. The Finale of the Ultimate Fighter was excellent. Ross won against his fellow UK teammate and James beat Damarques Johnson. HA! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET, BITCH! I was so glad he didn't win. Unfortunately, he'll probably get a contract even though he didn't win, because that's usually the case with all of them. A few weeks ago, I went to Robin's birthday party. It was raining, but it wasn't a bad party. It was kind of like how it used to be back in the day. All of us would hang out, bust on each other, laugh, it was fun. There has to be more days like that. Especially with all this crap going on. A couple weeks ago, I actually stayed home for a good portion of it. Father's Day was boring. It was like the previous two, where Dad and I would go to the Central Hotel Father's Day Golf Tournament. It wasn't raining, but that Saturday pretty-much ruined any chances we had to golf. I stayed home Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I was raking the rocks around the garage for my dad. I'd also talk to him for more than five minutes. Things were starting to get a little better. Tuesday, I got this message from Bridgette Buckland saying that I shouldn't call Cody an asshole and Kelcie's a manipulative psycho. I let Kelcie know about that message, but she didn't care that much on THAT day. She was dating this paramedic and at first, she was happy with him. Wednesday, she called me wondering if I could hang out with her later. Around 9:00 at night, Seth, Mandy, and Kelcie showed up to pick me up. Seth was getting irritated at his moronic cousin, Henry as we were heading to Binghamton. By the time we got to his grandmother's place to pick them up, he was livid. So, they were shouting at each other for a few blocks until we finally dropped them off at his friend's place. Henry kept running his mouth, so Seth pulled over and got out of the car. I got out of the car to make sure he didn't do anything stupid. When Seth gets pissed, he acts like a freakin' child. At one point, I had to put him in a choke hold, so he wouldn't jump out of a moving car to beat the hell out of Henry. Mandy was driving. She drove us to where her loser ex-boyfriend was. I didn't know this, but Seth hates the guy. I thought it was due to jealousy, but it turns out that he hits women. So, Seth got back in his car and drove off without Kelcie or me. I also didn't know that Mandy couldn't hang out at Seth's house until his little brother was adopted by Scott. So, Mandy's friend took us to where we THOUGHT Seth was. Well, he wasn't there, so we headed to Seth's place. While we were on our way, Seth called his mother and told her what was going on. So, when I get to the front door, she was there to greet me. She said that Kelcie and I were fine to stay, but Mandy and her ex had to leave. Well, their ride up there refused to take them back, so they started walking. Kelcie and I chilled at the house for a bit. Seth showed up finally and apologized for ditching us. He wanted to ditch Mandy and her ex, but we were around them. He ended up taking them home as well as Kelcie. The next few days weren't that bad. Saturday, Bridgette Taylor threw a surprise birthday party for Dan. I haven't seen those guys, since May. We went to that and while I was there, Kelcie called me. She said she needed me over at her place. She was willing to come get me. There was no need for that. Seth dropped me off at her place. She took me to her backyard and the poor girl was crying her heart out. She was thinking of all the hell that Cody and Bridgette put her through. Also, her new boyfriend wasn't exactly acting like one. After she got everything out of her system, she asked me where WE were sleeping, tonight. I offered that she could stay with me at Seth's place. When I talked to Seth on the phone, he said it was fine. When he got to Kelcie's, he told me that Danny and Jay were staying as well as Mandy. I knew about Mandy, but I didn't know about the other two. Jay was being very obnoxious to the point that I was gonna tell her "know your damn role, bitch!" I didn't, but I was close. Kelcie also didn't wanna go unless Danny's brother, Calvin could go too. There was barely enough room for her and me. Also, there's something about Calvin that just rubs me the wrong way. I've heard that he's telling everyone that he slept with Kelcie. I know they didn't do anything sexual, because Kelcie doesn't lie about things like that. He's also telling her that Seth and I are laughing at her behind her back. I never say a bad word about that girl. The only time I said anything negative about her was when she was making things up about me. Seth on the other hand, says things like "She's slept with more people than her age" and "Mandy doesn't do drugs. That's why I like her more than Kelcie." Here's the amusing part. Mandy doesn't wanna date him. Just like the other girls that Seth knows...they all don't wanna date him. At least the girls that won't date me have a better reason. My lady friends won't date me because I'm too damn valuable. They won't date Seth because he's ugly and he's a freakin' pig. Anyways, Danny's sister refused to watch his kid, so him and Jay had to go back to their apartment. However, I couldn't get a hold of Kelcie to see if she still wanted to come to Seth's. I was a little pissed. The next day, I hung out with Kelcie and apologized for Seth being a pussy. Her so-called boyfriend was supposed to take her out to dinner later. Well, instead he made her feel like crap and said he heard that she was sleeping with Seth. I'm sorry, but that's just laughable. Even Mike Sisin said that if she were to sleep with anyone, he'd be the last person. Seth didn't wanna go back to Binghamton, so I called Mike up and asked him to bring Kelcie up to where I was. He wanted to hang out anyways. He asked if Shayla could come too. Seth was fine with that, so they came over. Kelcie felt a lot better after a while. They stayed there and everything was fine. I went home on Monday. When my father got home, he immediately gave me attitude about looking for a job. I was getting sick and tired of all the crap going around, so I gave him attitude back. I didn't talk to him for the rest of the time that I was home. Tuesday, around 9:00 at night, Clarissa called me, because she "heard" that Seth and I were talking about Kelcie behind her back. It turns out that it was either Calvin or this now ex-boyfriend of Kelcie's. Either way, someone's interfering where they don't belong. Kelcie's in PA right now, but when she comes home, her and I are heading over to her ex's place and he's gonna either tell me where he's getting his information from or he's getting three weeks of pent up anger inflicted on him. Kelcie let me know that she knows I'm not laughing and talking about her behind her back, so everything's fine there. I'm in Candor for a while. I hate being home and it keeps getting worse and worse each day I'm there. I might not return home until I have a job. Then, I can work on finding a place for Kelcie and me. That way both of us will be free.

Respect

Team USA managed to become part of the Finale, this season. Unfortunately, the guy that advanced last night is Damarques Johnson. His opponent made it all too easy for him. At first, I thought Damarques was gonna get knocked out. But, luckily for him, Herb Dean was the ref. I swear that guy is the worst ref in UFC history. I would've fired his ass after the Tito Ortiz/Ken Shamrock fight back in 2006. Although, it didn't help that after the second round, Damarques' opponent just let him beat the living hell out of him. The guy I want to win the entire thing is Ross from Team UK. Team USA still isn't acting like a team. Most of that's because of Jason Pierce. Richie Whitson did the right thing by ripping into him. Pierce got all pissed and tried getting in Whitson's face, but he just looked more like a jackass. Along with bitching and moaning, he's also telling the UK guys the training styles of all the USA guys. When Henderson asked him about it, he denied it, but I'm sure he was lying. As for how the rest of the week has been going, it's been interesting. I ended up staying a little bit longer at Candor than I expected. Monday, there wasn't anything special that I remember. Tuesday, because Seth's still trying to get with Kelcie DESPITE THE FACT THAT SHE'S TOLD BOTH OF US THAT SHE'S NOT INTERESTED, we played Tennis with her. After that, we headed over to the skate park to chill with Mike Sisin. As the four of us were chilling, we decided to chill at Seth's for the rest of the night. I drank with Mikey a little bit, but he's been going through a lot, because of his psycho ex-girlfriend, Tiffany. He finally let her go, but he's been regretting it ever since. He did the right thing. Well, after a while, he suggests we play Twenty Questions. There were four of us, so we went around in a circle asking anybody that we wanted any question that we wanted. There were a couple about Denna that came my way. Some of them actually caught me off guard. However, the one question that alarmed me, was when Seth asked if he did something to me, would I forgive him. I answered that he depended on what it was. I said if he stabbed me in the spine, I'd be done with his ass. I told him that I wouldn't even be a memory. The reason why that question set off a warning bell, is due to the fact that he might be contemplating something. The two of us have been cockblocking each other for months. I know that I'm not Kelcie's type, but I still gotta remind Seth what his role is. He's liked her longer than I have. I remember when I wasn't even trying to think about her, he'd always bring her up. Seth isn't loyal. He'd stab me in the spine in a heart beat if it meant that he'd be with Kelcie. We went to bed around 2:30 in the morning. I started to fall asleep when Kelcie moved and woke me up. I moved to another part of the couch we were on. Mikey's back was bothering him, so he took the bedroom that I'd usually sleep in. Kelcie said she was thinking of heading over there herself. She asked if I minded if she left. I told her that she wasn't my girlfriend. "I still care about what you think," she told me. I wished that I had worded it better, but instead, I told her that she's not my girl and she can do as she pleases. When she left, a million emotions erupted inside me. Mostly, it was my frustration with women. Nobody's perfect, but apparently I need to be for them to date me. If my hair's not long enough or if I haven't had sex yet, then I'm not boyfriend material. I'm sorry, but that's crap. The next day, I headed over to Danny's. We got lunch and talked about what we hope to accomplish, this year. Then, I realized why I'm so bitter all the time. Before, I'd take Seth in small doses, but I haven't been able to do that, this year. So, I'm a miserable prick. When he's not around, I'm so much better to be around. Seth only cares about himself. He doesn't think before he speaks, he's not trustworthy, he's immature, and he's a pig. Both literally and metaphorically. Well, Mikey called me later that day. He wanted to see if I'd be okay with him asking Kelcie out. I could tell Kelcie didn't wanna hurt me on Tuesday. Mikey didn't wanna hurt me either. I give both of them a ton of credit, because I wouldn't ask anybody for their blessing. I did talk to Cody a while back. But, that's when I gave a damn what he thought. I probably would've done whatever the hell I wanted anyways. Mikey's one of my best boys. Him, Dan, Chris, and Danny. I told him that if both of them were happy, it was fine with me. I said that I wouldn't be able to spoil her if she dated him, but he waved a hand at me figuratively speaking. "As long as you don't put anything in her, I'm fine. I trust you, bro," he replied. Of course Seth's acting like the runner-up in a beauty contest. "I think they'd make a great couple," he said. But I know what he's really thinking. I wouldn't be surprised if he went back to his old tricks. If he does, I'm kicking him in the freakin' skull. There's not too many people like me. I'm highly respected by my friends. Hell, I can't think of one person who doesn't respect me. I've earned that respect. I'm not perfect, but I think of others before myself. Sometimes, it does bite me in the ass, but I'm better for it. I knew that nothing was happening with Kelcie and I, so as long as it wasn't Cody or Seth with her, then I was fine with it. She deserves a good guy. Not some asshole who only thinks of himself. Seth lacks a pair of balls. He talks a big game, but that's all it is. It's just talk. I have no problem letting someone know how I feel about them. When or if I see Cody on Friday, I'll have no problem letting him know what I think. Seth'll just stand there like a freakin' coward. I'm not fake. I'm for real. Anybody who knows me, knows that I'm as real as it gets.

Drinking And Thinking

Both Team USA and Team UK got wins on The Ultimate Fighter. The reason why Mike Bisping didn't make it to the last fight was because he was in a deep sleep. He said that he's been having jet-lag since coming to Vegas. I still give him a lot of credit, though. He said that it was in-excuseable to no-show for a fight. He lived up to his mistake. Unfortunately, Cameron Dollar won his fight and advanced. I really don't like the guy. The other guy from Team USA was running his mouth about how he was gonna knock his opponent's teeth out. Here's the amusing part. It was HIM that had HIS teeth knocked out in the fight. So, Team UK's up 3-2. No surprise there. On Tuesday, it was Cinco de Mayo. Marcy asked me to come drink with her. Cassandra and Alan were up there as well. I think it's the first time that I drank with them that didn't end with them arguing. Overall, it was a lot of fun. I was pretty damn hammered. It's been a while, since I've gotten that drunk. Three shots of tequila, two shots of vodka, and two beers. Thursday, Cory called me. Apparently, history's repeating itself. Last year, things were going great between Denna and I. Then, everyone started getting involved in our business including Bridgette. Everyone was telling everyone what the other said and no one knew who they could trust. After I left for Hancock, it all subsided...completely. Well, it's happening again, but this time, it's happening to Cory. Except he had someone that he could trust. That person was me. I told him that the same thing happened to me and I'd think of a way to stop it. Seriously, though. Why does everybody care what the hell Denna does? I'm not condoning anything that was done in the past two years, but people need to stay the hell out of it. That's part of the reason why Denna and I didn't date officially. She shut down, because everyone was getting involved. I'm pretty-much over it now, but I don't think it's right that they're doing the same thing to Cory. Hopefully, they'll grow the hell up. Friday, Danny, Seth, and I went to the ECPW show. We sat next to one of the wrestler's wives. She was freakin' cool as hell. The show overall, was probably their best one overall. The cage match was definitely better than 2CW's. Saturday was probably the best day. Despite my misgivings, I went through with my party. Steve Clark picked me up, so we could go get Kelcie and meet the others. When we got to Kelcie's place, I saw a girl that looked like Denna come out of the house. At first, I thought it was Denna. Then, as she got closer to the car, I realized that it was actually Kelcie. She looked just like Denna. She looked incredible. Also, I got to see Tyler Blackman and Dilly. I haven't seen those guys in about a year. There were 14 people there all together. Me, Steve, Kelcie, Dan, Chris, Bridgette, D-Squared (other Dan), Michelle, Dilly, Tyler, Seth, Jay, Danny, and Calvin. Seth and Danny's family showed up later, because Danny and Calvin had to work. The rest of us hung out and played a drinking game called three-man. It's like Kings, but it's not as complicated. Kelcie was trying like hell to get me drunk. I was her primary target. I'll get into that in a little bit. The thing that took me by surprise, was that there was no drama. Well...Dan was going through a little dilemma. He wasn't sure if that night should be "the night." He was nervous. It didn't help that everyone was pressuring him into "doing it." So, I pulled him aside and gave him the best advice that I could. I told him to make sure he was doing it for the right reasons. Well, he decided that it was indeed time. I just hope he doesn't end up regretting it later. So, that leaves Chris and I as the only virgins in the group. He'll probably lose his next. Then, there'll only be one. I'm determined to make sure that I'm with the right girl, before I do anything. I'm still sticking with my decision. Today was mother's day. Mom and Dad came back from Virginia Beach, today. I was over at my grandmother's for most of the day. Now, here's what made my entire weekend. Kelcie called me to let me know that she had a great time at my place. She said the same thing last night. She kept thanking me for inviting her. I told her it was my pleasure. Then, she asked if I could hang out, later. That was the original plan. Well, by the time Seth got his dumbass to my place, she had left already. She felt bad that she missed us, but I assured her that it was alright. I'm taking her out to dinner, later during the week. Here's what I don't get. She told me straight-up that she just wants to be friends. But, Thursday she called me, wondering where I was. I told her that I was home. "Nooo," she groaned. She asked if Seth could bring me over to her place. I said that Seth was watching a movie and I apologized that I couldn't hang out with her, that day. Today, she wanted me to come hang out with her. She comes and finds me every Tuesday and Thursday. The way she acted around me the past few weeks gave me the impression that she was interested. But, she said that she just wants to be friends. I'm a bit confused. Even when she was dating Cody, she didn't hang out with me nearly this much. I'm not complaining about it. In fact, it actually makes me feel pretty damn good that she wants to hang out. But, I just don't understand it. Then again, I'm probably one of the best guy friends that she has. I'm always there when she needs me. I always have been. Even when she was angry with me, I was there if she needed me. Sure, I was a bit bitter when she accused me of screaming at her and when she took out all of her frustration on me, but I still would've been there for her. I do that for all of my friends. Maybe she just appreciates me for that. I know that she cares for me to an extent. She hates to see anything but a smile on my face. I'm the same way with her, though. It could be wishful thinking again. I just don't know. When she was dating Cody, I still could've sworn she was looking at me in a particular way. Kind of like how Denna looked at me, back in the day. I'm not gonna push anything, because that could put a stop to her hanging out with me. I'm just gonna continue being her good friend. Whatever happens, happens.

Only Second Best.

The weekend wasn't too eventful. Friday, I was supposed to meet Seth at The Beef. What happened was that Kelcie called me earlier that day. She asked if I was gonna be at Danny's for a while. I said that I was planning on staying there until I had to go to dinner. She sounded intrigued by that. I kind of learned my lesson after blowing Denna off to watch a PPV, last year. So, I asked Kelcie if she wanted to join me. She said that she'd love to. Well, she brought Calvin with her. I was fine with that, because he was able to cover his meal. I believe that when a girl dines with a guy, it should be the guy who pays. So, I told Kelcie that I'd cover her meal along with mine. Well, Kelcie ordered a $14.00 meal. I was still able to cover us, but she had to leave the tip. Next Saturday, I'm taking her somewhere. I'm not sure where yet, but I'm covering everything. I'll get into that later. Saturday, all of us just kind of hung out. Sunday, I went up to Mike's cabin with him. He said he goes there to clear his head. His dating life is chaotic. There were like four girls that are all interested, but he has no clue what he wants. I couldn't really help him that much, because I don't exactly have four girls after me. Now, getting back to next Saturday. My parents are leaving for Virginia Beach on Wednesday. That leaves me at the house for a few days. Saturday, I planned on having my boys come up. I don't know why, but I have a bad feeling about this. So far, I have Dan, Chris, Steve, Danny, Calvin, Mike, Kelcie, and Seth coming. I may have found a way to leave Dan's girlfriend, Bridgette out of it, completely. So, the only person that could ruin everyone's good time would be Seth. I think Mike, Dan, and Chris would deal with him if that were the case. I don't know what it is, but I have a bad feeling about this. It could just be that there's no other girl for me to chill with. That's really been bugging me, lately. This is gonna go into last year, a little bit. When Denna was around, I wasn't really alone anymore. Then, she played all these games and left. Well, ever since last year, I don't really wanna be alone anymore. I started hanging out with Kelcie again and according to what I described to Denna, she was interested in me. Then, Kelcie tells me straight-up that she's not interested in a relationship with me, but she wants to be friends. I'm fine with that, but Kelcie does want a relationship. I can understand where she's coming from, but that's not really doing me any favors. It's not just her, either. I'm basically everyone's big brother. Everyone likes hanging out with me, but no one's interested in a relationship even though they all know me. Here's just a couple examples of how I treat women. Kelcie was cold, last Saturday AND this past Friday. On Saturday, I took my dress shirt off and wrapped it around her, because that's all I had. On Friday, I gave her my leather jacket. When we went out for dinner, I opened the door for her, I paid for her meal, I was being a gentleman. I do that for every girl around me. I know Kelcie appreciates me. But, I've been single for a while and I'm trying to find something legit. So far, I've just found girls that like to play games and I end up getting used. At least Kelcie was straight-up with me. I'm just getting a little frustrated. I know that I'm better than half of these assholes out there, but I've got nothing. It can get to be discouraging at times. When I don't try, I do end up finding someone, but they usually play games and I get the worst end of it. When I do try, I don't find anything. I don't fully understand it, but it is what it is. I think that I was just born in the wrong generation. If I had been born back when chivalry and respect were valued, then I'd probably have an easier time finding what I'm looking for. When I was at Mike's cabin, I slept in the same room that Denna and I had, last year. Of course, I was swarmed with memories. Denna said when she saw me after coming home the first time, every memory came to her at once. I think I know what she meant after it did the same to me, last night. Maybe if the future looked a little brighter, I wouldn't be dwelling on the past so much. Keeping my head up is getting harder than it used to be. I used to be able to overlook everything. Now, it's not so easy. All I need is one good day or night and I'll be back to how I was. I just wish that the feeling would stick around. Hopefully, that good day will come soon. I need it badly.

Stabbed In The Back.

For some reason, they're starting to have two fights per Ultimate Fighter episode. Team UK picked up another win, but Team USA had the last word by getting their first win. I'm sorry, but I'm really pulling for Team UK. Most of the guys on Team USA are immature litte punks. There's one guy that I dislike on Team USA. Cameron Dollar. He's this little punk-ass bitch that's getting on everyone's nerves. The other guy that keeps bitching about Bisping, won his fight, last night. Speaking of Mike Bisping, he wasn't at the last fight. No one knows where he was. To the UK fighter's credit, he didn't blame Bisping for the loss he suffered. I seriously think that if Dan Henderson didn't show for a fight and the USA figher lost, he'd blame it on Henderson. Team USA has been bickering among themselves. That's part of their problem. They're not acting like a team. They'll learn soon enough. This week hasn't exactly been the best. Tuesday, I hung out with Kelcie like I always do. Well, she told me some more crap that Seth's been pulling. I guess after he was done hanging out with Cody, he went to hang out with Kelcie. She asked "Where's Jack?" because she wanted to hang out with me as well. He said I was hanging out with Robin, which is NOT true at all. I was at home. Then, he kept telling her that she's beautiful. There's a reason why I don't use certain words. It's mostly due to the fact that creepy little bastards use them and I don't wanna be put in that category. "Beautiful" is one of those words that creepy little bastards use in my opinion. So, I cautiously use it or I don't use it at all. Seth uses the words "beautiful" and "gorgeous" way too much when describing girls. First of all, not all girls are gorgeous. I think that there are different levels of how good a girl looks. Gorgeous is right up on the top of the list. Well, they went to hang out with Kelcie's friends. When they got there, he was playing with her hair, rubbing her shoulders, her back, things like that. He kept hovering over her and crap. Basically, he was acting like they were dating. Then, she saw a good looking guy over there that she didn't know. He saw her too and asked, "what's your name?" She told him, but Seth barges in and introduces himself. I guess the guy backed off after that. Then, when Kelcie starts talking about Cody, he says "I think everybody's sick of hearing about him." How freakin' stupid can you be? But, that's not what really pissed me off. He began making up these lies. He told Kelcie that Danny, Jay, and I are hiding something from her, because we don't wanna hurt her. When Kelcie asked him what it was, he said, "I can't tell you, I don't wanna hurt you." That's a freakin' lie. There is no big secret. Well, before Kelcie told me about this, she said that she couldn't date me due to the fact that I'm Cody's friend. I was fine with that, but then she told me what Seth did and said that she didn't wanna hang out with him alone again. I was pissed after hearing all this. Kelcie doesn't give second chances. However, she gave me one and I know that her trust in me has been restored. He could've screwed everything up for me. Just because he wanted to get with her. He's a backstabbing scumbag. Kelcie tried calming me down by blaring music, waving my arm around, and even kissing my hand. I know she cares and that's just as good as anything. She asked me to "let it go", but I had to let Danny know what's been going on. Also, there's no secrets between my boys and I. I talked to Danny at his work with the scumbag right around the corner. He also told me to let it go. So, for now I am. But, rest assured. Seth's gonna get his. He's so freakin' pathetic. I really wanted to kick his head in. Also, Dan's back with Bridgette. She freakin' manipulated him and I'm none too pleased about it. If she hurts him, I'm gonna make her life a living hell. The only good thing that's happened so far is that Chris has a girlfriend too. I haven't met her yet, but the same goes for her too. If she hurts him, she's dealing with me. As for me, I have no one. Still, I have a feeling that I might not be single for much longer. I don't have anyone lined up, but I have the same feeling that I did, last year. Within a few weeks, I met Denna and there seemed to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I do get to take Kelcie out on a date, next week. We're going as friends and we agreed to be just friends. Still, I've been there before, last year. There's definitely going to be some major changes happening soon. The first one being dealing with Seth.

Regrets.

Seth came up to my college, this weekend. We hung out with Zimmer, Cummings, and Hopkins. I forgot that no matter where Seth stays, it ends up becoming a mess. I'm not a neat freak by any means, but come on now. The guy's a freakin' pig. Anyways, Friday we went drinking with Cummings and Hopkins. That wasn't too bad with the exception that I almost got into a street fight. I had the numbers advantage, but apparently, Hopkins doesn't think so. He claims there were two more guys circling around me. Personally, I think he had double vision, because there were only two guys and only one of them was running his mouth. Forget that, though. That was a five minute deal and nothing went down. Before that even happened, I drunk dialed some of my friends. I only got a hold of one, which lasted five minutes. I apologized to her, yesterday. The rest of the weekend wasn't anything special. My roommate came back, yesterday and this time, he didn't have a sling on his arm. I started to think about all the conversations that we've had about girls and I realized two things. The first one being that I have bad taste and the second one being that I have the worst luck with them. I didn't get my first girlfriend until 9th grade. That was stupid, because there was no love there. It was just getting a girlfriend for the sake of getting a girlfriend. I was in way over my head. There were girls in high school that liked me, but I didn't feel the same way. There were a couple exceptions, though. Ashley started to become attracted to me around our senior year. Back then, I was the man. Hell, I was just being my old, smart-ass self, but it made her smile and that meant the world to her. But, I was immature back then. I had no interest in getting a girlfriend then. By the time I was, it was too late. I still remember the pain. Then, she dumped her boyfriend, but started to date another. She started treating me horribly. Her boyfriend and I hated each other for the longest time. Even when she broke up with him. Hell, I was still getting mistreated. Finally, I wrote her an e-mail explaining how I felt. She stopped treating me badly and started acting like a friend. We became close again. Sometimes, I still read the letters that she wrote to me back in 2004 and 2005. I usually read them when I need to be reminded of who I am. We were extremely close, back then. Then, Larry entered the picture. At first, things were still good. Then, it was whatever Larry wanted. Whatever might upset Larry, had to go. So, although we've tried hundreds of times, things haven't and never will be like they were. I can accept that. It just amazes me that two people as close as Ashley and I were...are now almost strangers to one another. Ok, moving on. Making out with this nasty chick at a bar wasn't really a wise move on my part. That just screams out desperate. Believe me, I was. In 2007, it looked like there was a light at the other end of the tunnel. In February, I got my second girlfriend. However, it was short-lived. She dumped me three days after I asked her out. She has a lot of issues. I don't really talk to her anymore. Then, in 2008, I started going to the bars. I met a 28 year old there, but that's pretty-much a dead-end. Actually, if I could go back, I definately wouldn't have been at that particular bar on that night. Around the same time, I met Denna. At first, I thought Denna was incredible. I thought she could do no wrong. Man, did I get taken for a ride on that one. She basically cheated on her fiance with me. It was only when certain people got involved with our business that she stopped. In fact, she avoided me like the plague for a few weeks. She talks to me once and a while, now. But, at the end of the day, she's disloyal to whoever she's around. I skipped ahead a bit. There was one more girl during my senior year. I was hanging out with some of my boys, during the night of one of our wrestling matches. We still had a few hours before we had to be in the locker room, so we were just hanging out in the hallway. This blonde JV Cheerleader approached us and started to give the guys hugs. "These are for luck," she explained. She hugged me and I was just being a smart-ass and said, "how about a kiss?" Without missing a beat, she gave me a peck on the cheek. She hung out with us until it was time for us to get ready. I did lose my match, but it was one of my best ones. I only lost by three points. The next few weeks after the match, I'd see her occassionally. I was heading to study hall one day and she was standing next door. She playfully slapped my arm and said "you never say hi to me, when you see me,". I apologized and assured her that I would from now on. Her next words caught me off guard a bit. "Um...do you think I could call you, sometime?" she asked. I said sure and gave her my number. I was living with my grandparents at the time. It was a Friday and I was visiting my parents on the weekends. I told her to call on Monday, because I'd be home. Before she called me, she gave me a note. Apparently, she did some background info on me. Her foster mom used to be my bus driver. In fact, she was my favorite bus driver. So, she heard a lot of good things. She called me every night. Her older sister was in my grade. In fact, I think she liked me too. I was friends with the Varsity Cheerleaders, so it wasn't hard to get some info on this girl. Her name's Christina and around that time, she was 14 years old. Now, you see the problem. I was 18 and about to graduate high school. On Valentine's Day, Christina gave me a heart-shaped tin box. Inside, was a lot of hard candy and a small gold box wrapped in a red ribbon. I opened the gold box and there was more hard candy. At the bottom of the gold box, was a wallet size picture of her taped at the bottom. I couldn't get the tape off, so I ended up throwing that out. Christina was a pretty girl, but the age thing made me uncomfortable. One day, she was trying to get my attention. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" I snapped. She laughed nervously and said hi. I said hi, gruffly and went back to ignoring her. I ignored her for the rest of the year. We'd pass each other in the hall. I'd glance at her, but quickly turn my eyes away. She'd always have the same look on her face. She'd bite her bottom lip and gaze at me. I'm no mind-reader, but I'm pretty sure I could've guessed what she was thinking. "If only he'd talk to me again." I feel bad, now. I wish I handled things differently. In 2005, I ran into her at the homecoming dance. I went over to talk to her. She asked me to save a dance for her. I went with Stacey, but she was cool about it. I danced with Stacey a few times. Then, I scanned the crowd looking for Christina. When I found her, we danced. I apologized for my actions and explained why I acted the way I did. She said it was alright. I still have a picture of us from that dance. I see her once in a while. Christina's definitely a sweetheart. Not once did she ever show any malice towards me and believe me, I deserved it. She never had any hatred in her eyes whenever she glanced at me. There was sadness, though. Christina's now 19 years old. She's just as beautiful now as she was back then. But, she works two jobs and has a boyfriend. Just like with Ashley, it's too late. I'm 23 years old. If Christina and I were going out, no one would say a word. Back then, everyone and their brother would've ridiculed us. I'll admit straight up that if I had the chance, I'd date Christina in a heart beat. I called her, yesterday. She said that she was very busy, but to call her on Tuesdays or Thursdays when she's not busy. I'm gonna call her, tomorrow and see if she'd possibly hang out with me sometime. I haven't really been a good friend to her, but it's never too late to start. Even though she accepted my apology, it's not enough. I know I can be better than that. Back in high school, she said that even if we didn't date, she still wanted me as a friend. It's about time I granted that wish.

The Game Plan

Last weekend, I was able to get one of Denna's old friends to hang out with her again. Since Denna usually spends time with me on the weekends, her friend hung out with us. Her name's Kelcie. She's the one that Denna wanted me to hook up with originally. Due to circumstances that weren't in my power, things changed. Denna and I were the ones that got closer together. The good news is that Kelcie and Cody are on the verge of dating now. So, Cody and I came up with a new game plan. He dates Kelcie and I date Denna. It may sound easy, but it's really not. Denna's still dating the dumbass from the army and that won't change until he comes back around June. Even then, she may choose him over me. Kelcie said that I need to protect myself. She doesn't wanna see anyone hurt either. She's actually given me a lot of good advice over the past few days. I already know how this could all turn out. There are some good endings and some bad endings. Like I've said many times before, it's frustrating as hell, but I'm dealing with it. If anything, Kelcie and Cody'll probably hook up. That part looks to be in effect. It's funny...even Kelcie's pulling for me to hook up with Denna. Basically, everyone's like "screw this other guy". This one guy who had seen Denna and I playing thought her and I were together. Believe me, I'd love to be in a relationship with her, but it's really up to her. So, part of the plan will probably go in effect. As far as the rest of the plan goes, that's up to Denna. Also, we have dumb bitches like Bridgette trying to ruin everyone's relationships, so she has more options for when she dumps her moronic boyfriend. Yesterday, I saw Bridgette talking to Kelcie about Cody. I knew something was up, so I talked to Kelcie today to find out what that yapping female dog said about my boy. Sure enough, she was trying to create a wedge between the two of them. She told Kelcie to make sure Cody's over his ex-fiance before getting in a relationship with him. First of all, Cody's ex-fiance could care less who he dates. She's dating one of his old roommates and it's not really bothering him all that much. Second of all, I'm sure that Cody is over his ex-fiance. They don't even talk anymore. Bridgette's trying to cause friction between Cody and Kelcie, so she has a fail-safe. The joke's on her, because Cody finds her annoying at times. I let Kelcie know what kind of person Bridgette was and I assured her that I'd give Cody a call to let him know what's been going on. Just like I told Kelcie, if anyone gets in the way of what they have going on, I'm taking them out. If they happen to be female, I'll give either Robin or Marcy a call and have them deal with them. I know my friends have my back with Denna, so I'm just returning the favor. That and Cody's my boy. He's always had my back, so I have his.

Frustrating Situations

Ever since Wrestlemania 24, Denna and I have hung out a lot on the weekends. We've grown very close to each other. However, both of us still have to hold back a little bit, because of certain people. It's very frustrating and it's not really fair to the both of us, but there's nothing I can do about it. I just have to be patient. I also need to stop listening to Cody and Robin. Although, their intentions are good, I need to do this on my own. Whenever, they get involved, things become rocky between Denna and I. I've seen just about every emotion from her that a person can express. She's only seen me a little down or happy. She hasn't witnessed the anger part yet. She's heard stories, but she hasn't seen it in person. As much as I like hanging out with her, I'd be happier if it were just her and me. Right now, she's got that dumbass in the army. The funny part is that everyone is pretty-much pulling for me. Even people in her own family are pulling for me. It's like they know this army dumbass isn't for her and I am. I give it a couple more months. He'll come home for a couple weeks, she'll realize I have more to offer, he'll be kicked out of the picture. Until then, I'll just continue to be patient. I've been hanging out at Cody's over the past few weekends. So, of course Denna's been hanging out with us too. Every Saturday, we've had our traditional parties at Edaniel's. The down side is that Bridgette and Brad have been coming too. I made it no secret that I can't stand either one of them. They create a bunch of drama and good people like Denna get sucked into it. I swear it...last weekend, I almost flipped out. Everyone was having a good time and then they had one of their bitch fits. Denna got all upset and I was ready to kill. Not only that, but when Bridgette's around, Denna and I have to be very careful around each other. She brushed my cheek with her hand at one of the parties and Brad raised his eyebrows. She saw it, not me. If I saw it, I'd ask him what the hell he was looking at. Thankfully, there are others that are starting to get annoyed with those two. Jeff has been annoyed, but now Cody's starting to get a little irritated. That's big, because Cody's the one giving them rides. Bridgette always calls him during the week to see if there's something going on that weekend. All he has to do is tell her that the Saturday night parties are no more and the problem's solved. Danny and Jay are getting sick of her too. That's also big, because they can tell Cody not to let her come. It's their place, so they can choose who to let in. There's also a new policy. If you don't bring something with you, there's a $5.00 fee at the door. This doesn't apply to me, because I always bring a 30 pack with me. However, this too could stop those two from coming. They're always bitching that they have no money. Every week, more and more people get annoyed by Bridgette and Brad. It's only a matter of time before they're kicked out of Danny's door. Cody and I do things for Danny and Jay, so we're always welcome there. Cody sometimes drives Danny home and I invite Danny to watch PPVs with me or buy him tickets to independent wrestling shows. For his birthday, I bought him a front row ticket to TNA wrestling. That show is next month. Getting back to the Denna thing, her and I think almost exactly alike. On the phone, both of us will speak at the same time. We can tell what the other is thinking just by our facial expressions. Hell, her eyes light up and she becomes more lively when I enter the room. I probably do the same thing without realizing it. When we have privacy, we're allowed to be us. When people are around, we have to be careful. Although, my friends already know we like each other a lot, she doesn't wanna get a bad rep. I don't think she will, but I'm not gonna push it. I'm taking things one day at a time. 2008 will be my year. I can feel it.

Another Two-A-Day Weekend

Last weekend on Sunday, Denna hung out with my friends and I. It was one of the best nights that I've had. Last Friday, Cody threw a party at his place. Of course, Denna was invited. Unfortunately, so were Bridgette and Brad. It's no secret that I can't stand Bridgette. The only thing more annoying than her is when both her and Brad are in the same room. When Cody brought Bridgette and Brad to the house, he started offering them shots. It's a party, so that's not out of the ordinary. However, Brad's engaged to Bridgette. Yet, he wanted to do shots with Denna instead. I'm sorry, but when you get engaged to someone else, aren't the two of you supposed to do those kind of things? Even though Bridgette's a conceited, controlling, annoying, shrew, he shouldn't be focusing his attention on other women. Especially, Denna because I'm already five steps ahead of him anyway. As a result, both of them got completely trashed. Worse than she did on Sunday. Cody and Jeff had to babysit her, while Bridgette screamed at Brad. It took a lot of will power not to scream at her to shut the hell up. Brad's a freakin' idiot. If you need proof, he's engaged to Bridgette. Enough said there. Jeff ended up kicking in a door when he thought Denna had passed out. Luckily, she was still consious. The next morning, she felt a bit dizzy, but she had to help her family move out of their old house and into another one. Later, she was gonna go with me to my friend Mike's 21st birthday party. At first, she wasn't gonna go, but after thinking about it, she decided that she wanted to go after all. What I loved the most about this was that Bridgette wasn't gonna be there. Also, it was at Mike's cabin in Oxford. I can't really give too many details about that party, because what happens at the cabin, stays at the cabin. I will say that Denna had fun at this party too and didn't get totally hammered like Friday. I'll also say that the walk to the cabin was very entertaining. It's funny...when Denna's shy around people she doesn't know, she gets really close to the people that she does know. This time, it happened to be me. I liked Saturday's party a lot better than Friday's. Bridgette wasn't there and I was with people that didn't annoy me constantly. Along with Bridgette and Brad being there, our friend Paul was there too. When Paul's sober, I don't mind being around him. When he's hammered, he's a pain in the ass. Even Cody's starting to get a little iritated by him. On Saturday, it was me, Denna, Mike, his uncle, Dan, Chris, and one of Mike's friends called Shayla. There were supposed to be more, but a lot of them cancelled. When Mike drove us back on Sunday, I fell asleep around 11:00 in the morning. I woke up around 3:25 in the afternoon. It was too nice of a day to waste inside, so I took a long walk. Then, later that night, I talked to Denna. Ever since we've been hanging out, we've been avoiding any and all uncomfortable subjects. Thanks to Mike and Robin talking to her, we finally approached them. It was a good thing that we confronted those issues when we did. This isn't gonna be like the Ashley thing. This time, no one's gonna get hurt. Also, this time I'm a little bit more mature about it. I don't know what's going on this weekend. It depends on Seth, Cody, and a few other people. Personally, I'd like it if Bridgette and Brad stayed the hell away from me, but if we end up doing something at Cody's, I can't do anything about it. At Candor, it's a Bridgette/Brad free zone, which is just the way I like it. It's about time Seth got off his ass and planned something for all of us to do. I'll talk to him, tonight. Maybe we can do something at his place, this weekend.