Back in Binghamton.

Everybody's heard the phrase "You don't know what you have until it's gone." Well, I'm living proof of that sentence. Back in 2004, I lost my home temporarily. Luckily, we got it back. Then, that same year, I lost a potential girlfriend. We never dated, but the opportunity was there. Then just like that, it was gone. Now, I left my home to work somewhere else for the summer. When I returned to Binghamton this weekend, it felt great. Although, I didn't get to hang out with the people I originally wanted to, I still had a great time. Friday, I checked things out, then Edaniel and I went to a strip club with a guy from his work. We've never been to this one. It was ok, but it wasn't the best. I ended up getting two lap dances. The first one was pretty good. The poor girl was a single mother working two jobs. Whether it's true or not, I could care less. She was hot and she was nice, so I gave her a decent tip. The second lap dance was shorter than the first, but something happened. Before I go on, I'll just say that I'm a sucker for eyes. They say they're the window to the soul. With that being said, this girl had beautiful eyes and a nice smile. Her energy was incredible. So, we're in the back room and she does her thing. At one point, she gripped the back of my hair. Not to the point of pain, but it was a firm grip. I'm looking into her eyes, she's looking into mine. It hit a memory. March 30th, Wrestlemania night. Denna and I have the room to ourselves. While we're kissing, she grips my hair firmly. I'll admit that I miss her. My confidence soared whenever I was around her. I still have confidence in my abilities, but I miss hanging out with her. After the strip club, I went to bed. Saturday, I tried to catch up with my friends, but all of them were busy or I couldn't find them. I did run into that one girl from the bar back in February. I'm not sure if I ever talked about that. If I didn't, long story short, I was at a bar, this girl sat next to me, we talked, danced, made-out, stuff like that. Basically, she's a friend with benefits. I know that's the asshole way of putting it, but it fits. We hung out for a bit, then I took Henry, Danny, and Kyle to see 2CW. Man, that was intense. We were front row again. The last fight was a non-sanctioned 8 man tag. The bad guys won, which caused some drunken idiot to throw a chair. One of the heels saw this and said, "everybody get out of the way." We moved and he chased the guy out in the parking lot. It'll probably be on their website within a week. http://www.2cwwrestling.com for anybody that wants to check it out. After that, Danny and I headed back to his place. After a few hours, I went to bed. Today wasn't too bad. I didn't really wanna come back to Hancock, but it's my last week. Soon, it'll be all over. I'm not coming back here if I can help it. If I absolutely have to come back next summer, Seth's coming with me. I think if two people were living in this place, it might be better.

Where I Belong.

This whole experience in Hancock has really opened my eyes. There's been good days and bad days. Overall, I can't complain. But, there's still the whole not fitting in part that caught my attention. I've always prided myself on being a gentleman. For the most part, my friends have respected that about me. They don't care if I'm a virgin or how I dress. They've accepted me as one of their own. It's different in Hancock. The people have been alright, but they don't get me, so I feel like a damn outsider. Experiencing that has really made me miss my friends. This weekend, I returned to Binghamton, so I can see them. We're going to a 2CW show on Saturday followed by a strip joint. Friday, I'm gonna try to see two of my red-headed friends. Saturday morning, I'm gonna see what my good friend, Stephanie is up to and possibly hang out with her. She's been in Florida for 7 months and just got back last week. Sunday, I'll come back to Hancock and finish up my one week and two days. Until then, all I can do is count the days until Friday. Another thing that I've been thinking about is the stuff that happened between Denna and I. Ever since she's gotten married, I've been a bit bitter when I've seen her name on buddy list. I did care about her, but it seems like I got used. Then, THAT got me thinking of Ashley and me. I cared about her too. I never told the full story about Ashley and myself. It went something like this. She moved to my school when we were sophomores. Hell, I remember the first words she said to me. I was walking to class and she walked passed me, turned around and said, "duh, Jack." Then, she smiled at me and kept walking. We'd kid around a bit, but we didn't get real close until our senior year. She moved to live with her boyfriend from Chenango Forks. He started hitting her and verbally abusing her. She got pregnant and came back to Harpursville. I would just be my smartass self and she'd be hers. Things weren't going her way. She needed a good laugh and I would always provide it. It wasn't until our senior banquet that things started to heat up. She said that her and I needed to dance with each other at least once. "Take my breath away" came on and I found her, so we danced. Then, her mom dedicated a song to us. "Breathe" by Faith Hill. After that song, she smiled and gave me a peck on the cheek. On Monday, she hands me a note telling me how I've made her laugh and brightened up her days. She said I was her best friend. What she was really doing, was slowly building a relationship, so she could date me. Hell, she asked me online what I thought about that and I said the wrong thing. I was 18 and immature. It was a big mistake on my part. In August of 2004, we were hanging out and I just wrapped my arms around her. I was starting to come around. By the time I was ready, she found someone else. The pain was too much to bare. Then, she dumped that guy and dated another guy. Then, another and another and another and another. I stood by her through it all. She's with this one asshole now. He's a lot like the abusive prick in the beginning of this story. Because of him, she's grown distant. We've been off and on as friends. We're on talking terms right now, but we're still distant. She's been screwing up her life left and right. I'm pretty-much done with her. Still, it sucks that things happened the way they did. Now, as for Denna, that's a different story with the same ending. College started back up in January. Since then, she was studying me. Her eyes were always on me. Then, we finally talked, were attracted by each other, she got a boyfriend, then she cheated on him with me. She started growing distant towards me after the college semester ended. Now, she's screwing her life up left and right. Now, here's what's been going through my mind the last couple days. I've done a lot of growing up, since I was 18. I became the kind of man that I've always wanted to be. Everyone knows that I'm different from most guys. Hell, that's what they like about me. But, this thing that happened with Denna has me thinking. I'm not sure if I changed over this whole thing. I put some of my morals on hold when I was with Denna. We might not have been "officially" dating, but we were together a lot. I could just be paranoid and everyone else is changing while I stay the same. Honor, respect, and loyalty are very important to me. Friends and family are too, but those are my values. Technically, I didn't go against them when I was with Denna, so maybe I'm still the same guy. I'm gonna go with that. Mainly, because I'm tired. Glad I got that out of the way, though.

Friends Are Like Family.

The rest of the week went a little bit better. My cabin fever's starting to die out. It's due to a lot of things. I think the most important one was the phone call from my dad on Thursday. He's going to Florida in August and he wanted me to come too. So, I talked it over with my boss and I'll be joining him. That means I'll be leaving here in the first week of August. I just need to stick it out for four more weeks. It hasn't been incredibly horrible here, but I still want time to hang out with my friends and family before going to Cortland. So, I'll spend a week in Florida with my dad to visit family, then when we come back home, I'll spend a week and a half hanging out with my friends. Most of my friends are like family to me. Dan, Chris, Steve Clarke, Edaniel, Sarah Pierce, Robin, Johnny, Cody, Kelcie, and Seth's family are like my family too. There's probably more, but I don't have the time to list them all. I'm starting to get to know the counselors a bit more. Since, some of them have partied at the place I'm staying, I'm starting to become the guy where when they see me, they know where the party's at. Hell, I've had 5 people ask me when the next one is. It'll be a week and a half before I have another one and it'll be the last party that I can have, since I'm leaving early, but I plan on making it just as much fun as the last two. Hopefully, this week, I'll have two girls from the camp over here, so I can get to know them better. One of them will probably be over on my day off on Tuesday and I'm inviting the other over tomorrow if I can manage it. What really helped get me over my cabin fever, was Cody and Kelcie coming over for a short time, today. Cody's one of my best boys. Him and I have been there for each other A LOT! When Kelcie started dating Cody, she got to know me very well and it didn't take long for her to trust me. It's funny...she calls me like once a week just to see how I'm doing. Cody and I trust each other with our lives, so there's no mistrust there. Today, when they picked me up from the camp, I could've sworn that Kelcie's face lit up. She kept looking back and smiling brightly. We're like a family. I realized today, that Kelcie's like a sister to me and Cody's been like a brother for years. Anyways, Cody sat in the chair and Kelcie sat next to me on the couch and cuddled a little. It wasn't like Denna and me cuddling or Cody and Kelcie cuddling. It was comfortable. That and they haven't seen me in months and from what Denna told me online, they were missing me badly. April told me that Marcy was also missing me. These guys were so used to having me around that when I left for a few months, they definitely noticed I was gone. Anyways, while Cody and Kelcie were hanging with me at the house, it gave me a vision of what I want after college. Basically, a good job and a nice home where my friends could come over whenever they pleased and feel at home themselves. My dream has always been to be a writer in California. Driving a red or gold mercades convertable. Yeah, I know....I dream big. Someday, maybe the dream will be a reality. As for right now, I'm gonna stick it out for the next four weeks. Hopefully, Cody and Kelcie will make it up here one more time before I leave. Just having them over here for 45 minutes made me feel a lot better. Like I said before. We're a family. That's how it always will be.

Reality's Not America.

Due to the controversy of the finale of A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, there was a special show on that gave the three of them the chance to confront each other. They had Bo and Kristy on seperately, then they had both of them on. Obviously, there was no tension there. Then, the real fun began when Bo finally got to ask Tila why she didn't choose him. Her answer wasn't really good enough. Actually, she just looked more immature and shallow. Nothing out of the ordinary there. The real entertainment when Tila contronted Kristy about her actions on the season finale. Kristy humiliated Tila in front of the world whether she meant to or not. She gave Tila exactly what she deserved. During the confrontation, Tila called Kristy a fake bitch. If that's not calling the kettle black, then I don't know what is. Kristy's rebuttal was that Tila did the exact same thing to 60 people. Of course Kristy's right. Tila just couldn't handle it when it was done to her. It's too bad that Tila doesn't read this, because I'd love to put it in writing that the only fake bitch on that freakin' show is Tila Tequila. Tila's so freakin' stupid for looking for true love on a reality show. Did she honestly think that she'd find her sole mate by rejecting 29 people? No, the only thing that Tila wanted, was attention and she got it. Overall, the confrontation disappointed me. The host looked like a jackass at the end, because Tila walked off the stage, because she couldn't handle the truth. In fact, she called Kristy a few harsh names, then walked her skanky ass off the stage. Kristy flipped out and said: "You wanna know the real truth? Tila's a bitch!" All I have to say about that is GOOD FOR YOU, KRISTY! Seriously, Kristy has my admiration and respect for giving the stupid, shallow, immature bitch exactly what she deserved. I haven't watched The Real World: Hollywood yet, but as soon as I do, I'll put up an update for that. As for the past few days with me, I'm starting to mentally lose it. I think I have a case of cabin fever. The only places I really go are to work and then back to the house. It's like the storyline from the Simpsons movie. The government put a huge dome over Springfield. So, you had Springfield, then you had the rest of the world. That's what it feels like here. I talked to Danny yesterday about it. I felt better afterwards. The hardest part is that the guys I work with, don't really get me. I'm talking about the virgin situation. I'm waiting for the right one and the right moment. I won't know that until I get married. I have no interest in getting laid just for the sake of getting laid. They don't quite understand that and it's hard to be around people like that. Don't get me wrong, they're cool as hell. It's just that they can't relate to me. We had another party at the house again. This time, there were about 30+ people here. There were three girls at the party that I point-blank wanted to get to know more. One of them got too drunk, threw up, and fell asleep in the bedroom next to mine. Another one, I sort of got to know, but she doesn't drink alcohol, however I did get her soda. Still, I didn't reach that connection that I wanted. However, the third girl was one of the new ones that I had just met a few hours ago. She's from Thailand and she's VERY gorgeous. So, we're hanging out in my bedroom. Then, after talking a bit, she allows me to rub her back. While I was rubbing her back, she said that she was surprised by how Americans really act. It turns out that she thought ALL AMERICANS were based on the ones that she sees on MTV. She was pleasantly surprised to learn that's not the case. Her words reminded me of a song called Hollywood's Not America. MTV basically degrades Americans by the crap that they produce. In a way, it really irritates me, because I'm nothing like the people shown on MTV. I'm not immature, I'm not shallow, I don't degrade men and women like they do. There's assholes all around the world. It's important that no one judge all the people in one race based on how a person from that race acts. I'm a straight-up gentleman. Hell, I'm probably the last of my kind. Whenever I take a girl on a date, I PAY FOR EVERYTHING! If she attempts to pay for anything, I wave it away and I pay for it, myself. Hell, my date with Ashley in 2005 to see WWE RAW Live on TV was the best $132 I ever spent. I open doors for girls, I pull out their chairs for them. If they look cold, I offer them my jacket. If I'm talking to a girl in a bar, I buy her a drink or two. So, as a reward for being a gentleman, she gave me a back rub as well. Man, she's very good at them. In Thailand, they teach them right. Then, we returned to the party where some idiot, locked the bathroom door with no one inside. Someone kicked it in and we fixed it the next morning. Overall, the party was a blast. I just wish some of my boys from home could make one. I do miss my boys...and my girls...and my family, but I need this job. I had to make some sacrifices, but they'll pay off in the end. In two weeks, I'm taking a weekend off and going home. I'll still have to return for a couple more weeks, but just being home for two and a half days will take a lot of the stress off. I might have said this already, but I'll repeat it again. They didn't NEED me, but they hired me, because of the connections I have. If that's not enough, I feel like I'm not pulling my share of the weight. I'm still good with the guys, but I don't feel like I'm on their level. My comrade from Russia tells me everyday that I'm a good man. It's very encouraging to hear that. But, at the same time, I wish I could do better, but they don't really need me. They have enough guys with more experience than me. They treat me good and everything, but I feel bad asking for days off. Hell, my boss MADE ME take this coming Tuesday off. I'd prefer to take Friday off to see the Dark Knight, but what are you gonna do? I'm working on an alternative way to see it. This weekend's family weekend at the camp and Cody said he's thinking of coming up on Sunday like he promised. So, things will get better. I've been in harder situations before. I'll just suck it up for another couple of weeks, then I'll hang out with my boys again. Maybe some of my girls too.

Just Like Home.

The guys that I worked with wanted to have a party on Wednesday. After the last party, I wasn't really up for drinking with these guys again. So, I enjoyed a quiet night at the house. Thursday morning, I asked them how everything went. They said that they didn't have the party yet. They were gonna have it on Thursday. The weather sucked and they didn't have a place to have their party. Enter: Jack Jack. Around 12:30 in the afternoon, one of the guys asked if I lived alone. I told him that I did. His eyes lit up. I stared saying "no, no way in hell. You are NOT having it at my place!" Then the others were like, "that's a great idea, man. You have plenty of room. Come on, man. We'll help you clean up afterwards." I kept saying no, but they kept bugging the hell out of me, so I finally said "ALRIGHT, FINE!" Then, I laid down some ground rules. There were only two of them. First one was to keep the place as clean as possible and the second was no one was to question my sex life or lack of. I asked how many people the guys invited. They said about fifteen. Well, I counted around 20+. A good ratio of males and females. Most of them foreign and gorgeous. I will admit that I didn't WANT to be part of this. I will also admit that I'm glad that I had the party at the house after all. Everyone liked the house and they kept it clean as possible. Nothing got broken and everyone had a good time. One of girls was talking to me when I was grabbing another beer. We started talking in the kitchen, but it started to get hard to hear her, so I suggested that we go to my room and talk. So, that's what we did. We would've talked for hours if I didn't have to pee. I held it as long as I could, but eventually, I had to excuse myself. Then, we re-joined the party. It lasted a couple more hours, then everyone left. The guys said they'd swing by the next day to help pick up. They probably would have, but I decided to get most of it cleaned up before retiring for the night. Good thing that I did, because the guy that's letting me stay here, arrived the next afternoon. Luckily, the place was clean. Also, the girls that work in the kitchen smile at me now. Working on the 4th of July is interesting. Until the fireworks, it didn't seem like a holiday. The camp spent $6500 on fireworks this year. Man, I never saw anything like it. They put on one hell of a show. There were a few new ones that I've never seen before. They were pretty cool. The last two days reminded me of home. When I was a kid, we'd go to my Aunt and Uncle's cottage on the 4th of July. We'd stay until the fireworks were over. On the weekends, I'd drink with my friends. So, the last two days felt like home a little. Today, seemed to fly by. I worked as always and I'm not taking a day off until July 18th. The Dark Knight plays in theaters that day. I've been impatiently waiting to see it. I get pissed off whenever they show a new trailer for it. They're ruining it for me. It doesn't help that they keep playing a Dark Knight trailer every couple minutes either. I was the same way for American Gangster. Man, I was counting down the days. Hell, everytime I saw the trailer, I got more and more pumped up. I just liked the song that they used for the trailer. It was "The Heart of the City (ain't no love) by Jay-Z. Hell, I skipped work to see that movie. Basically, I worked at the college as a computer proctor and I had a cool boss. When I got to the theater to see it, there were a lot of adults and senior citizens there as well. I was the only 22 year old in that freakin' theater. The movie was awesome. I still plan on buying the DVD. Denzel Washington's one of my favorite actors. I haven't seen ALL of his movies, but I've seen most of them. There's a new one out on DVD that I wanna see. I think it's called The Great Debaters. Anyways, my boy, Cody and his girlfriend, Kelcie are gonna swing by tomorrow. I know when they see the house, they'll help me plan another get-together. This house is just too big to not be used.

What Goes Around...Comes Around.

The finale for A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila 2 happened, last Tuesday. I thought for sure that Bo would be the one she picks. Unfortunately, Tila's still a shallow, immature, dumb, bitch. She decided to choose Kristy, who TRIED SEVERAL TIMES to tell Tila that she wasn't sure if she was ready for such a big commitment. So, when Tila told Kristy that she still had a shot at love and asked if she was interested, Kristy TURNED HER DOWN! I swear it, I never laughed so hard in my life. I was dying. Tila got a taste of her own medicine. She felt what everyone else felt when she turned them down. News flash, bitch. If you're looking for love, a dumbass reality TV show ain't the place to find it. I read the message boards on the MTV website. Some of them actually made good sense. There were a lot of "Tila, you choose the wrong people. What you need to do is call up Bo and beg for a second chance." Screw that. Tila doesn't DESERVE to be with Bo. There was one comment on the message board that I really did like. Basically, it said that Tila broke Bo's heart. Why would he give Tila another chance? Basically, that's like saying: "the one I want to be with, rejected me, so I'm going for second best now." That person was absolutely right. It's insulting. Bo can and will find a hell of a lot better than Tila. The only part that sucks, is the guy got his heart broken by that shallow, immature, little girl. Now, onto The Real World: Hollywood. Man, I don't know where to begin. I guess I'll start with Will. What a scumbag that guy is. Everyone was sent to a five day vacation in Mexico. They started drinking and Will starts making out with that Brittany slut. The girl's not even that attractive. Then, Will started to think of the repercussions. He has this girl, Janelle back in L.A. Brittany has a boyfriend from somewhere. Both of them just cheated on their spouses. Will kind of saved face with me when he called Janelle up and told her what happened. However, he lost my respect again for having a four-person orgy as soon as he got home. Then, Janelle decides that she wanted to talk to him face to face. So, she's giving him the 3rd degree when he excuses himself. He goes to the bathroom to "fake cry". He even admitted to the camera that he can fake tears. WHAT A SCUMBAG! The worst part about it is that Janelle fell for his crying act. They're not together, but they are friends. Sooner or later, they'll get back together. Brittany's a freakin' coward. She told the camera and Will that she's gonna tell her boyfriend, but when he arrived, she backed down. She claims that she'll tell him after she goes back home, but I doubt that. She's a grimy slut and a coward. Now, onto the other girls in the house. The one girl that kind of annoys me, is Sarah. She's one of those "innocent little church girls" that isn't innocent at all. She's very judgmental and thinks she's better than everyone else. Before I go any further, last episode, Brianna finds out there's an arrest warrant out for her. I have no clue what it's about, but I don't care. Brianna's alright in my book. During one of the dinners in Mexico, Sarah makes a stupid comment about Brianna's arrest warrant. Naturally, Brianna flips out on her and I don't blame her. No wonder everyone found it hillarious when Sarah got completely drunk last week and was puking all over the place. She was being humbled. There's one last episode left of both reality shows. Tila's show WOULD be over, but due to the unique circumstances, certain people *cough* BO! *cough* are gonna be able to confront those that humiliated them. Bo's gonna confront Tila and Tila's gonna confront Kristy. I can't freakin' wait. Especially for the Tila/Kristy part of the show. Is there gonna be a season 3? Yeah, but am I gonna watch it? Unsure yet. Real World's a possibility too. Dammit, I got hooked on this crap. Oh well, at least I'll be very entertained and amused.