Where I Belong.

This whole experience in Hancock has really opened my eyes. There's been good days and bad days. Overall, I can't complain. But, there's still the whole not fitting in part that caught my attention. I've always prided myself on being a gentleman. For the most part, my friends have respected that about me. They don't care if I'm a virgin or how I dress. They've accepted me as one of their own. It's different in Hancock. The people have been alright, but they don't get me, so I feel like a damn outsider. Experiencing that has really made me miss my friends. This weekend, I returned to Binghamton, so I can see them. We're going to a 2CW show on Saturday followed by a strip joint. Friday, I'm gonna try to see two of my red-headed friends. Saturday morning, I'm gonna see what my good friend, Stephanie is up to and possibly hang out with her. She's been in Florida for 7 months and just got back last week. Sunday, I'll come back to Hancock and finish up my one week and two days. Until then, all I can do is count the days until Friday. Another thing that I've been thinking about is the stuff that happened between Denna and I. Ever since she's gotten married, I've been a bit bitter when I've seen her name on buddy list. I did care about her, but it seems like I got used. Then, THAT got me thinking of Ashley and me. I cared about her too. I never told the full story about Ashley and myself. It went something like this. She moved to my school when we were sophomores. Hell, I remember the first words she said to me. I was walking to class and she walked passed me, turned around and said, "duh, Jack." Then, she smiled at me and kept walking. We'd kid around a bit, but we didn't get real close until our senior year. She moved to live with her boyfriend from Chenango Forks. He started hitting her and verbally abusing her. She got pregnant and came back to Harpursville. I would just be my smartass self and she'd be hers. Things weren't going her way. She needed a good laugh and I would always provide it. It wasn't until our senior banquet that things started to heat up. She said that her and I needed to dance with each other at least once. "Take my breath away" came on and I found her, so we danced. Then, her mom dedicated a song to us. "Breathe" by Faith Hill. After that song, she smiled and gave me a peck on the cheek. On Monday, she hands me a note telling me how I've made her laugh and brightened up her days. She said I was her best friend. What she was really doing, was slowly building a relationship, so she could date me. Hell, she asked me online what I thought about that and I said the wrong thing. I was 18 and immature. It was a big mistake on my part. In August of 2004, we were hanging out and I just wrapped my arms around her. I was starting to come around. By the time I was ready, she found someone else. The pain was too much to bare. Then, she dumped that guy and dated another guy. Then, another and another and another and another. I stood by her through it all. She's with this one asshole now. He's a lot like the abusive prick in the beginning of this story. Because of him, she's grown distant. We've been off and on as friends. We're on talking terms right now, but we're still distant. She's been screwing up her life left and right. I'm pretty-much done with her. Still, it sucks that things happened the way they did. Now, as for Denna, that's a different story with the same ending. College started back up in January. Since then, she was studying me. Her eyes were always on me. Then, we finally talked, were attracted by each other, she got a boyfriend, then she cheated on him with me. She started growing distant towards me after the college semester ended. Now, she's screwing her life up left and right. Now, here's what's been going through my mind the last couple days. I've done a lot of growing up, since I was 18. I became the kind of man that I've always wanted to be. Everyone knows that I'm different from most guys. Hell, that's what they like about me. But, this thing that happened with Denna has me thinking. I'm not sure if I changed over this whole thing. I put some of my morals on hold when I was with Denna. We might not have been "officially" dating, but we were together a lot. I could just be paranoid and everyone else is changing while I stay the same. Honor, respect, and loyalty are very important to me. Friends and family are too, but those are my values. Technically, I didn't go against them when I was with Denna, so maybe I'm still the same guy. I'm gonna go with that. Mainly, because I'm tired. Glad I got that out of the way, though.