Looking For The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

I'm trying to keep this damn thing updated. I ended up going to a dealership with my parents on Saturday. Although my credit sucks, they worked with me on a lease for a 2013 Ford Focus. This helped me deal with the demise of the Suzuki. Monday, I went to see Helen. Her husband was there, which I figured he'd be since it was around 5:00 in the afternoon. Normally, when I see a girl I like with another guy, I usually wanna throw up. There's that twinge of pain that hits right in the middle of my heart. It was kind of scary on Monday... none of that happened when I saw them kiss. No twinge of jealousy, not heartache, nothing. I'm not sure if I have just learned to accept disappointment or if I'm just numb from all of the times I've been rejected. I'll never understand how dirtbags get these amazing women and manage to keep a hold of them. Sometimes, the girl comes to her senses and leaves, but the dirtbag gets them right back with them. I don't know how they do it. I'm almost starting to think I'm not trying hard enough. Regardless, any possibility of letting Helen know how much she means to me is out the window. The rest of the week went by without too many problems. For the most part, it was quiet. My trip to WrestleMania just got a bit more challenging. The U.S Department of Education has taken my tax return. That's $1300 that I was going to use to get caught up with everyone else that I owe money to. Here's the kicker. I have a payment plan with them. There's no reason for them to take my tax return money. I already tried calling them and was directed to a number that was "not available" at the time. I plan on trying again on Monday. If they refuse to return a good chunk of my tax return to me, I'll just close my account and choose a new bank. Illegal? Most likely, but I refuse to stay broke until I pay them the $13,000 I somehow owe them. Thanks to my mother and my grandmother, I'll still be going on my trip, this weekend. Hopefully, it'll snap me out of this slum I'm in. I'm starting to become more confident that The Undertaker will win. Someone at work threw out a few facts. He basically said why would he go 20-0 just to lose to someone like CM Punk. I agree it makes no sense. Also, I've been thinking that I should really get back into writing. More like starting to write is more like it. I have three passions. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, wrestling, and writing. Writing's been my passion since I was a kid. But, I always get writer's block and never put any of my good ideas on paper. I did a lot of little "stories" when I was a kid, but as I got older, I started doing less and less. I'm starting to question if writing really is my passion. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm my own critic and will accept nothing but the best. If something doesn't look right, I just stop and do it all over again. Sometimes, my mind races faster than I can put it down. I go too much into detail and explaining the scene. That's a huge mistake. I should just give enough information that's needed and let the reader use their imagination. That's why I wanted to be a writer in the first place. Another problem is that I have so many ideas, I don't know which one I want to focus on first. I may wanna go back to doing a few short stories to warm up. Then, work on an actual novel. I just know that I don't wanna self-publish. They'll never sell that way. That's what Robin did. Then again, she self-published and only told her friends and family. She expected us to spread the word. I did to an extent, but it takes more than just that. "I just want my books to take off," she'd say over and over again whenever we hung out. Well, then you gotta put the work in. You can't just sit there and expect to become a New York Times Best Selling Author overnight and then get pissed off when that doesn't happen. In order for me to realize my dream, I must first sit down and write until it's done. Then, I need to find an agent, possibly an editor as well. The agent does the advertising for me and even finds me a publisher. At that point, it's up to the public. Sure, I'll spread the word myself, but at the end of the day, the agent and publisher get the product out to the public. It's not easy. It takes a lot of dedication. I know that I have it. Now, I just gotta act on it. Maybe after my little vacation, I'll get back in it. Everybody talks about living the American dream, but not too many act on it.

The Way It Is.

A lot of stuff has happened in the past few days. I'll start with the stuff that happened on Friday. During work, one of the guys decided that he did indeed wanted a graduation party. So, we got some beer and planned a meeting place. First off, one of the guys that was invited, decided to go to the staff meeting. That took an hour. Then, he proceeded to piss me off by just being an annoyance. Things were going smoothly UNTIL it was discovered that I'm a virgin. Nobody understood my reasons for it, but they accepted it. All but the annoying one. He proceeded to piss me off more and more just by running his mouth. Finally, after enough alcohol was in me, I said the hell with honor and respect and decided to show this guy what happens when you push the wrong button. I tried to provoke him by any means possible. Eventually, we had a small scuffle that didn't last long and ended up with one of the guys that was there holding us back. He got in a low blow, but other than that, no harm was done. We're good for now, but I'm still a bit unsure about him. To me, his actions were uncalled for just like mine were. Most of my friends respect my decisions to do or not to do certain things. When someone keeps agitating a situation when I ask them to stop, it pisses me off. Then, I wake up around 10:33 the next morning, which isn't good. I'm supposed to work from 8:00 or 8:30 to 4:00. So, I was late. Work went on like always, then I went home and called a few of my friends that I haven't talked to in a while. My friend, Stephanie's gonna be coming home in two weeks, so her and I are gonna hang out when I take that weekend off. On Saturday, I was talking with this kid, Alex. He was going through some girl problems that I was familiar with. It was almost the exact same story with different characters. It brought me back to the Ashley days. If you wanna check out what those days were like, check out my livejournal. There's tons of entries of me bitching, moaning, and going all emo over her. Hell, I was 19 years old when all this happened. It's funny how most guys put on the tough guy act when they're having girl problems, but on the inside, it's tearing them up. I will admit that I wish things could've been different. Some of the blame goes on me. I should've done a lot of things differently. It's funny, because I stuck by her for a good year and a half. We were very close. I thought nothing could come between our friendship. However, as the old saying goes, nothing lasts forever. It wasn't ENTIRELY my fault for what happened. Still, there are times that I wish I could go back and make things the way they were. We all have times like that. Don't get me wrong, I'm over everything. But, talking with Alex brought me back to those times. Sunday, I went home for the first time in two weeks. Coming home felt like being born again. I almost didn't wanna go back. But, I had to. I still have some unfinished business here. Today, was my day off. It wasn't a great day by any means, but it was decent. Hopefully, Cody will come up on Saturday like we talked about. With July coming around the corner, I'm gonna start taking weekends off. If Louie tries to give me a hard time about it, I'll just tell him it's for stuff for college. I'm gonna try to spend a day of the weekend at home. It'll be easier on my parents. Mom had tears in her eyes when we said our first goodbye. They're not used to me being gone for months. Some days are better than others over here. Sometimes, it's extremely boring over here. Other times, it's great. I started a new blog over the weekend. http://mypassion-jak-jack.blogspot.com. It'll help me keep my creative ideas and use them when I need them. There's only one entry, but as thoughts come to me, there'll be more of them. For those of you that love writing, I'd recommend checking this out every now and then. Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Week Recap

This week went better than last week. With the exception of not being able to meet Denna's friend, things have improved. I'll get to that story in a minute. First, I'd like to discuss the new logo on the left side of the blog titled: Verve Earth. Yesterday, I got an e-mail from a guy named Clayton. He's the CEO of Verve Earth, which is another blogging site. Apparently, the title of THIS blog caught his attention. He invited me to check out Verve Earth and to be part of it. I clicked on the link, explored briefly, and decided to sign up. If you click on the link, it'll take you over to my new blog. I've decided that I'm gonna use that one for my wrestling roleplaying online. I used to have a livejournal, which I used to basically piss and moan about how everything sucks. I was 19 years old when I started that one and I was very EMO. I don't really write in that one anymore. I usually use this one. I've played around with this one yesterday. Now, getting back to the Denna's friend situation. She's in two of my classes, but niether one of us are up to making the first move. I was supposed to hang out with her Wednesday, which never happened. Then, I suggested that we hang out today. Well, that almost worked, BUT THE WEATHER HAD TO SUCK TODAY! So, now I have to find another day that works for both of us, which I know is gonna be a pain in the ass. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't nervous about this. Not so much meeting her friend, but having to sit back with the possibility that Denna's friend could find someone else without even meeting me. Denna and I sacraficed a chance to date for her friend to meet me, but it would all be in vain if her friend dates someone else. Denna's engaged to someone right now, so it's not like her and I can just say, "Oh well, that didn't work. Do you wanna date me now?" This has happened before. I didn't ask a girl out, because I wasn't ready. By the time I was ready, it was too late and I was miserable. It's all in my livejournal. I really don't wanna go through that again. So, I'm gonna try to meet her as soon as possible. Also, my good friend Scott Hoyt may be up to his old antics again. There's this one guy called, D.C. He liked Robin a lot back in the day, but Robin dated Johnny, so he only stuck around for a few more weeks. Then, he dated this girl, Canli. Hell, after only a few months, he proposed to her. They were engaged up until a couple weeks ago. Apparently, she started talking to Scott and decides that she doesn't wanna be with D.C anymore. So, D.C feels that Scott stole his girl. Well, they're not dating yet, but they did look rather cozy last Friday. Scott has this reputation for being too touchy feely. His mentality is that he's a lady's man and he can touch whatever he pleases. Most of the girls that he hangs out with, have boyfriends and they don't like Scott that much. D.C plans on dragging some of our friends to a place that Scott goes every Friday and beat the hell out of him. First of all, D.C should take care of his own business and not get others involved when it's not necessary. Second of all, it looks like D.C's looking for a scape goat to pin the blame on for his ruined relationship. I talked to most of my friends about it and begged them not to do anything stupid. They assured me that they'd be alright. This is supposed to happen, tonight around ten-ish. Although, I think Scott DOES need his ass kicked for attempting to be a homewrecker several times over, I don't think this is right. We'll just have to see what happens.